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Clips from Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Halloween (S01E01)

"Okay. And, uh, Santiago,"
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"you go with him."
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"Yes, sir. Damn it."
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"Santiago, I know that you hate Halloween,"
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"but stick with me, and I promise you,"
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"you will love it."
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"Can you magically make everyone kind, sober,"
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"and fully dressed?"
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""Kind, sober, and fully dressed.""
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"Good news, everyone, we found the name"
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"Well, ring it up, nerds."
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"I just arrested my first Halloween idiot"
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"of the season."
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"He was trying to rob a bank"
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"but had a little trouble with the getaway."
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"Trying to "split," huh?"
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"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get out on "a peel.""
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"I'm so glad you're stuck."
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"I've got a million of these."
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"I swear, these perps are so stupid."
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"I'd make a better criminal than any of them."
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"Yeah, you would. You'd be an evil mastermind,"
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"and everyone would call you the handsome bandit."
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"Thank you, Charles. And the best part is,"
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"I'm fairly certain you would be caught."
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"No, scratch that."
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"Ho, ho, ho!"
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"All right, challenge accepted."
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"I didn't issue a challenge. Fine."
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"I'll issue it for you."
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"My medal of valor."
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"God, you are such a hero."
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"All right, how about this? I will bet you"
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"that by midnight tonight,"
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"Why would I possibly agree to that?"
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"Because if I lose, I'll work"
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"the next five weekends, no overtime."
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"And I won't tell anyone here"
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"about the time I saw you wearing short shorts"
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"outside of work."
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"But if I win... You won't."
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"the busiest and spookiest night of the year."
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"that I'm an amazing Detective-slash-genius."
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"And this won't interfere with you doing your job?"
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"No, it will not. I'll do all of my work,"
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"I'm considering it."
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"I'm interested."
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"I agree to participate. All right."
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"Hey."
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"Sister Steve here got mugged."
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"punched him and took his wallet."
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"She keeps laughing at me."
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"Can't tell you how many nuns"
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"I wanted to beat up in catholic school."
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"I didn't know you went to catholic school."
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"Good. You shouldn't know it."
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"I get it. You're so mysterious and tough."
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"You're actually a big softy."
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"You probably read a Maya Angelou poem"
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"at your graduation and cried."
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"Didn't graduate. Had to leave."
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"Why? What'd you do?"
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"Here's a hint."
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"I'm not gonna tell you."
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"Oh, I'm gonna find out anyway."
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"Hey."
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"Drunk and disorderly."
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"So, anyways..."
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"Gina!"
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"We never talk anymore."
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"How's the dance troupe? Did you get a haircut?"
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"What's the Captain's schedule like today?"
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"I'm not gonna help you rob him, Jake."
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"I'm his assistant, and I take that job"
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"incredibly seriously."
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"You're literally making paper airplanes"
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"out of police reports right now."
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"Please, Gina?"
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"Fine, Captain's got a meeting"
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"That's it."
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"Thank you."
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"Okay, party's around the corner."
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"Tipster said there'll be a huge amount of drug activity."
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"Why is this costume so stiff?"
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"And what is that smell?"
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"The department never washes them, so it's probably vomit."
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"I got you a chocolate."
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"Yet another great thing about Halloween... chocolate!"
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"Raggedy Ann is drinking vodka right from the bottle."
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"People think if they put on a costume,"
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"they can just get away with anything they want."
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"Halloween is Christmas for jerks."
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"Come on, ma'am. No open containers."
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"Oh, and why should I listen to you, bone person?"
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"It's called skeleton. It's a very common word."
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"Just put the vodka away."
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"You guys are cops?"
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"These guys are cops!"
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"Are you in my ceiling, Peralta?"
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"No."
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"So what's the plan?"
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"You wait for me to leave my office,"
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"lower yourself down, take my medal,"
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"and win the bet?"
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"Who are you talking to?"
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"There's no one up here."
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"Peralta, just so you know,"
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"and placing it in a locked safe"
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"whose combination is known only to me."
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"The safe, in turn,"
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"The only key to that cabinet is on my person."
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"I'm off to my meeting. Good luck with your plan."
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"You think that scares me?"
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"I laugh in the face of adversity!"
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"Are you still there?"
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"Ow."
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"Here you go."
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"Don't touch the butter."
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"What happened? I thought you guys"
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"were supposed to be at the warehouse party."
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