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Clips from The Office - The Duel (S05E05)

"to thank all of you for lying to my face"
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"You are welcome."
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"It's over."
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"No way. I am not giving up."
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"You have to. No, I don't."
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"She doesn't love you. She's marrying me."
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"because she certainly seems to enjoy making lovemaking with me."
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"Angela Bernard..."
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"Will be her name and you will have to call her that."
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"I don't think so."
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"Hey, guys. Why don't we just cool off a bit?"
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"I'm telling you to back down."
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"And I'm telling you that I will never back down."
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"Through the use of force."
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"Nope. Okay, fine. Good! A duel."
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"The winner gets Angela. Fine!"
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"Fine! This is nuts."
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"What is your weapon? Okay, you know what?"
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"That's enough because..."
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"Guess what? Not happening at work. Yes."
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"None of your business. None of your business, then."
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"Good, so what weapon?"
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"That is stupid. I will use a sword, and I will cut off your bare hands."
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"Then I'll get something, too."
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"I've had two men fight over me before."
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"Angela, you have to put a stop to this right now."
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"I will respect the results of the duel."
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"Of course you will. I call loser."
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"I will be taking my break at 4:00 in the parking lot."
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"at the exact same time and in the same location."
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"So, I either get more involved or I take a sick day."
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"How'd that get there?"
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"So I was in the office,"
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"and I look over to our accounting division, and there's Kevin Malone."
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"Kevin is wearing a jacket that I've never seen before,"
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"and I call over to Kevin,"
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""Michael, yes, it is a tweed jacket.""
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"It's hard to try and evaluate yourself, Michael,"
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"but I appreciate you trying."
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"And thanks for coming in. Oh!"
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"Come on! Where are you?"
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"Come on! Come on out!"
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"I can't believe they're gonna fight over me."
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"I guess people have fewer choices as they get older."
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"DWIGHT: Come on!"
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"Hey, has anything happened yet?"
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"DWIGHT: Where are you? It's 4:10."
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"I don't think he's gonna show."
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"Oh, come on, man. Believe in something."
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"Come on, coward! Where are you? Where..."
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"A note. Pathetic."
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""Dear Dwight, by now you have received my note. How are you? I am well."
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""You are no doubt wondering why I have left this note."
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""It's come to my attention that in any physical match with you,"
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"KELLY: There's Andy. He's in his car."
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"The Prius is silent if he keeps it under five miles per hour."
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"He deserves the win."
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"Oh, my God!"
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"PHYLLIS: Andy's running over Dwight with his car."
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"Whoa! What are you... Hey, hey!"
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"Yeah!"
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"(ALL EXCLAIMING)"
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"Come on! Ow!"
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"PAM: My God."
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"Get out and face me like a man!"
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"I am a man! I'm a bigger man than you'll ever be!"
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"You're not a man! You don't know how to take care of her!"
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"All you do is dress fancy and sing."
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"You can't even protect her!"
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"Whers the last time you saw a damn bear in Scranton?"
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"Last year, idiot!"
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"Dwight, are your legs broken?"
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"Andy, are you all right?"
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"DWIGHT: Yeah, back off. This isn't your fight."
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"What? Trust fund'll take care of that."
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"What did you say? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you."
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"(HORN HONKING) I said..."
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"What? You stupid idiot!"
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"You're like a big... You're like a Sasquatch. You live in the woods!"
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"DWIGHT: Sasquatches are the strongest animal on the planet!"
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"So fine, call me a Sasquatch."
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"I don't get it! How could she be sleeping with you this whole time"
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"and only sleep with me twice?"
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"What? What?"
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"She's sleeping with you?"
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"Yes, hi, my last name is Bernard,"
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"B-E-R-N-A-R-D."
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"Yeah, one shaped like a sailboat."
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"Thank you."
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"I thought I was gonna get chewed out,"
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"but hold on, here's an attaboy for you. What?"
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"Yeah! Yeah! Okay."
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"It's actually caused a bit of a traffic hazard."
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"(SCREAMING)"
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"Quick announcement. New year, new candy."
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"(WHOOPS)"
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"Nothing. You still don't know..."
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"But right now, it's just awkward."
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"(SIGHING) How can he still not know?"
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"I didn't realize I was doing something wrong."
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"You're going to charge me a fee to cut my own cake?"
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"There are 40 rules all Schrute boys must learn before the age of five."
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"(CLEARS THROAT)"
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"Stop. What? How so, specifically?"
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"Too late. Well, it's not too late"
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"'cause you haven't done anything. I am already walking."
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"this is something that I,"
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"Dwight and Angela are having an affair."
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"Yeah, my neighbor got murdered."
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"Who else knows about it?"
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"Who else?"
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"Right what?"
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"but could we have it, like, three degrees cooler in here?"
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"What say we do."
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"Dwight."
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"(CHUCKLES)"
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"There's a star-shaped thing taped under the kitchen table."
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"Thanks, Meredith."
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"I would never sleep with another mars fiancee!"
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"(SINGS MOCKINGLY)"
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