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Clips from 30 Rock - Cleveland (S01E01)

"Floyd and I have been dating for a month. Should I be mad that I don't have a ring?"
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"How "Sex and the City" are we right now?"
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"I'm Samantha. You're Charlotte."
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"Dude, check it out."
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"- Bill Cosby hates you. - What?"
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"Look here. "Tracy Jordan has made a career"
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"Why would he say that?"
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"What have I ever done to embarrass black people?"
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"Why are we doing this?"
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"Because the Jets lost."
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"Temple University has cancelled your stand-up appearance."
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"In other words..."
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"Oh, Tracy You can't use any of my songs"
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"- This is no coincidence. - What are you talking about?"
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"The bank loan. The Michael McDonald situation."
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"- They're out to destroy me! - Who is?"
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"The Black Crusaders."
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"If I was gonna spend $600 to have my boobs pinched,"
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"Come on. That was solid."
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"Liz, I'm concerned I'm boring Jack sexually."
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"No, no, no."
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"and already our intercourse is infrequent and unimaginative."
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"I'm really not that kind of girlfriend. I would gladly pick you up at the airport."
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"In Paris, he fell asleep on top of me."
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"I mean, I just want to make him happy."
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"If he's happy, I'm happy, you know?"
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"Thanks."
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"Hi. I'll take everything."
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"- Liz, can you help me? - Yes, ma'am."
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"I don't know you, but I will help you."
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"- Damn it. I can't believe it. Garkel? - I'm sorry."
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"I'm just sick of it. I'm so tired of this city."
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"I am so tired of the rat race."
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"Fellas, you got to keep it down, OK? I got to work in the morning."
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"Mommy is looking very strong tonight. Come on."
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"Fine. $20 across the board."
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"You got to talk to your landlord about that rat race."
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"That is my landlord."
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"Yeah. Maybe I just need to go out of town for a little while."
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"That's a good idea. Vermont is always nice. Or the Bahamas."
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"I was thinking of Cleveland."
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"That is also a place."
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"Yeah. I just haven't been home in a long time."
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"- We need to search your bag. - Of course they do."
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"I dream about moving back to Lakewood."
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"Or maybe even Shaker Heights."
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"Send the kids to St. John Bosco's, you know?"
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"Maybe even cheering on the Tribe at the Jake."
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"This dream, this is way down the road, right?"
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"Yeah. Yeah. Three, maybe four years."
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"- What's this fungus cream for? - All right. That's it. Show's over."
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"Give me that. Let's just walk."
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"How long do you see yourself living in New York?"
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"Well, like forever. At least I did."
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"Really? You want to end up like that?"
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"No. I'm gonna be like her."
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"Oh, there is nothing like New York in the spring."
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"I mean, come on. This is the capital of the world."
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"The culture, the..."
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"- Are you all right? - He spit in my mouth."
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"Let's go to Cleveland."
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"Hey. Frank told me about that Cosby thing. That is harsh."
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"The Black Crusaders are a secret group of powerful black Americans."
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"Bill Cosby and Oprah Winfrey are the chief majors."
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"But Jesse Jackson, Colin Powell, and Gordon from "Sesame Street" are members, too."
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"You can read about that on the interweb."
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"Well, it must be true if it's on the interweb."
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"Do you know they'll ruin anybody who they think are making black people look bad?"
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"They tanked 50 Cent's movie."
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"And they cancelled Eddie Murphy's Oscar because he had ran out on Scary Spice."
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"And now they're after Tracy Jordan!"
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"and you're stressed out, but keep it together, OK? Calm."
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"And fortunately, there were no injuries."
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"Man, I wish somebody else had seen that."
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"- Look what Phoebe got me. - Golf clubs."
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"Not just golf clubs."
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"These clubs once belonged to President Gerald Ford."
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"So, what do you think of Phoebe?"
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"Oh. Well,we had fun."
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"And, Phoebe bought some bonkers underwear, so have fun with that tonight."
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"Well, not tonight. May I?"
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"Thank you. Not tonight, unfortunately."
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"She's speaking at a seminar up at Columbia."
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"And as much as I would like to attend,"
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"I haven't been above 72nd Street in over a decade."
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"Well, I'm glad you're happy."
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"It's all Phoebe."
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"I am so exhausted."
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"And Paris was, to borrow a phrase,just... bonkers."
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"Yes. Phoebe said."
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"Do you cover him?"
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"Phoebe isn't going to Columbia tonight."
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"She had me call a car to take her to this address downtown."
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"So you want me spy on her?"
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"For Mr Donaghy's sake."
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"I know you have your doubts about this. I can see it in your eyes."
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"It's weird, right? Then again, all relationships are weird."
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"- My boyfriend, Floyd... - Ah. Thank God."
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"Mr Donaghy's office."
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"Just a quick look."
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"By the hammer of Thor."
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"- I have to talk to you. - Is this about the Tracy situation?"
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"- No. - Then it'll have to wait."
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"- What Tracy situation? - I tried to call you."
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"He set fire to a cardboard cutout of Al Roker,"
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"and now he's locked himself in his dressing room."
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"Who told Tracy about anagrams?"
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"I'm gonna call Dr. Spaceman."
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"The car's downstairs. You ready to go?"
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"The Black Crusaders are trying to get rid of me."
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"They want me to disappear like Coolie."
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"Coolie is around."
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"which would keep him awake during sex?"
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"Oh, great."
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"OK. I'll talk to her. Thanks."
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"- Where all the real gone daddies move? - Cleveland"
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"Dig that sweet Cuyahoga glow"
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"What smells so good?"
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"Where the jet set swing with hepper cats"
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"Shop at Higbee's, then we'll hit the Flats"
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