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Clips from Parks and Recreation (2009) - Sex Education (S05E05)

"That's only for schools."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"prohibits any government employee"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"from teaching anything but abstinence, city-wide."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"- Thank you, Chris. - You're welcome."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"If we allow this filth to be taught to our seniors,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"the next you thing you know, it'll be in our high schools,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"then our kindergartens, and before you know it,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"we have babies in thong underwear."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Is that what you want?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Yes, that's what I want."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Ladies and gentlemen, this vulgar sex show is over."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"It is not over. It is far from over."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Andy, pack up our bananas!"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Fresh air, no screens."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I'm getting really good at chopping wood too."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Ow! I got stung by the wood!"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Oh, no, it's a splinter."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I need to get on webMD now!"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I need a iPhone or a Samsung Galaxy,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"something with 4G."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"What are you doing? Wha--? W-w-waa!"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Got it."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"and Google "sterilization techniques.""
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Yeah, I have a new idea."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"You need to purge all of this garbage from your system."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"and let the words just float away into the fresh air,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"- and then we will be done. - Okay, worth a shot."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Every day I start by hitting up Facebook, Twitter,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Sometimes I like to throw in LinkedIn,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"for the professional shorties."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Reddit's great, 'cause it has"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"all the important links you need."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"- New shirt? - Yeah."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I got it at the Dude Ranch with my boyfriend."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"but it is my least favorite shirt."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Perd, we strongly believe"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"in teaching and practicing abstinence."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"but you just can't act on them."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"You have to say, "Get out of here, you crazy urges!"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"You are not welcome in this brain of mine!""
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"There are some statistics"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"that I'd like to share with you now,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"and they are numbers."
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"support abstinence-only education."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"And the other 15% are perverts."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"That's the name I call"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"based on the fact that my name is Perd."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"We'll see you after the break, perd-verts."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Look, we need an emergency task force meeting."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"that abstinence-only education doesn't work."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"People still have sex."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"They don't know how to use protection,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"so the disease keeps spreading."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Ann Perkins, your expertise is thrilling,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"but the law is the law."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"It's political suicide."
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"So we're just gonna do the thing we know doesn't work?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"- Great plan. - There's no other option, Ann."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Put away your sex toys"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"and play with them on your own time."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"so you can't play with those."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Oh, hey, nice work on the jobs research."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"What am I looking at? He's not doing anything."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"That's the point."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"This morning he got in, sat down in there,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"- He's a robot. - He's not a robot."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"He's just thinking. He's got a lot on his mind."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Yeah, like, "One, one, zero, one."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"need to consume organic matter?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Sorry."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"You know what, they probably put a TV in there,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Let's go see."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Congressman,"
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"here is the briefing packet for our strategy meeting later."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Excellent, thank you."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"No, sir. All systems are operational."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Great. Stay cool. Hot one out there today."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Thank you, congressman."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Wikipedia: Mankind's greatest invention."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"We all know he's a singer, he's Brandy's brother,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"and he was in the '96 Tim Burton movie Mars Attacks?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I love GChat. You can talk to anybody."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I hit up Brad.Pitt. It wasn't the actor."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"It's actually a guy named Brad that's a teacher in Pittsburgh."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Instead of saying, "What up, boo?""
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"'cause that means "boo.""
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"but he has a turban on, which I think is racist,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"but the Asian guy also has a racist hat on,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"and it's like, "Hold up,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"didn't Japanese people invent this?""
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Podcasts. There are a million of 'em,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Jean-Ralphio and I have one called "Nacho average podcast,""
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"where we rate different kinds of nachos."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"No more talking."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"But you told me to get it all out of my system."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"This is a real problem, Tom."
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"You are an addict and you need to change."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I know what to do here."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"You're right."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I've hurt all my friends and family with my addiction."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I will accept this gift of rehabilitation."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I'm proud of you,"
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"so let's stare at the fire in silence."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I've had a breakthrough, Ron."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"What do you say you chop up some more wood,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"and I'll take your car"
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"and go grab us some victory steaks?"
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"I'm so glad you've come to your senses."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Here's our educational pamphlet."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I recommend you start reading at chapter three."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"There's a party in your pants and no one is invited.""
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"This is crazy. I mean, obviously,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"the best way to prevent disease is to magically stop all sex,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"but that's not gonna happen."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Good one, honey!"
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"and say a bunch of stuff you don't believe?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"You're not acting like yourself."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Really? You want to go there?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Go where?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Okay, I guess we're going there."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
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