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Clips from The Good Place - Best Self (S02E02)

"unlimited mai tais, and a phone."
The Good Place
"Ugh, I miss my phone so much."
The Good Place
"I bet I have so many texts."
The Good Place
"I just want us all to be together."
The Good Place
"Separate houses, obviously."
The Good Place
"Large lawns. I'd have a tasteful moat."
The Good Place
"I don't care where I live,"
The Good Place
"as long as they have more of this frozen yogurt."
The Good Place
"All of my philosophy heroes walking around,"
The Good Place
"and I hope that library is air-conditioned,"
The Good Place
"because we are going to be working up quite a sweat."
The Good Place
"I hope everyone gets someone special."
The Good Place
"Good news! We've got a handle on the controls."
The Good Place
"Who's ready to go balloonin'?"
The Good Place
"I pieced together this design"
The Good Place
"from a number of ancient manuscripts,"
The Good Place
"which Janet will now interpret for you."
The Good Place
"Each traveler will step upon the scale,"
The Good Place
"and her soul shall be weighed."
The Good Place
"If she's the best version of herself,"
The Good Place
"If not, passage will be denied."
The Good Place
"but I am definitely the best version of myself."
The Good Place
"I know a shirt-ton about ethics now, 'cause I studied."
The Good Place
"And I read books that weren't even written"
The Good Place
"by the Real Housewives."
The Good Place
"Oh!"
The Good Place
"Well, I mean..."
The Good Place
"It's okay! The pattern is green, green, green, red."
The Good Place
"Remember that when it starts up again."
The Good Place
"I'm sorry, everyone."
The Good Place
"I just have some worries as well as some concerns"
The Good Place
"that could potentially turn into outright fears."
The Good Place
"Okay, I know this mood."
The Good Place
"Come with us, Dr. Freakout."
The Good Place
"That was a joke."
The Good Place
"That balloon wants us to be the best version of ourselves."
The Good Place
"But for the four of us, that's not just a metaphor."
The Good Place
"There have literally been 802 different versions of us."
The Good Place
"And how do I know that this version"
The Good Place
"And what version of Chidi is even real?"
The Good Place
"What happens here? Does he eventually tire himself out?"
The Good Place
"Usually, but this one seems to be getting stronger"
The Good Place
"And this Chidi is an imposter!"
The Good Place
"Okay. This is pretty simple, bud."
The Good Place
"You've been our teacher this whole time."
The Good Place
"which that balloon just proved,"
The Good Place
"then you definitely are."
The Good Place
"is just as much about my effect on the world around me"
The Good Place
"I really meant that much to you guys?"
The Good Place
"Now let's get you back on that scale, dorkus."
The Good Place
"Yeah! Yeah!"
The Good Place
"Yeah."
The Good Place
"Oh! Chidi got in my head."
The Good Place
"It's screwing me up. But I can fix it."
The Good Place
"I stole this from your house the first night we were here."
The Good Place
"Okay. Should be the best version of myself now."
The Good Place
"Guys, we're just not ready."
The Good Place
"I think we should regroup and try again tomorrow."
The Good Place
"Hang on. I know the answer."
The Good Place
"I know why I'm not my best self."
The Good Place
"And that is not an easy thing for me to say,"
The Good Place
""You're not better than me" was my yearbook quote."
The Good Place
"You had a pet lizard which I made poop on you all the time."
The Good Place
"Right. Sorry."
The Good Place
"Well, you got really into ethics,"
The Good Place
"Once you handed him a tissue right before he sneezed,"
The Good Place
"and that simple act of anticipating his needs"
The Good Place
"made him fall for you."
The Good Place
"One night you took a walk along the lake,"
The Good Place
"and you had your first kiss,"
The Good Place
"which: Gross."
The Good Place
"You just mash your food holes together."
The Good Place
"It's not for that."
The Good Place
"I propose that everyone who was green"
The Good Place
"and set out to the Good Place."
The Good Place
"Sort of like an advance team."
The Good Place
"And then we'll send back the magical balloon"
The Good Place
"for the red light people later on."
The Good Place
"It's a perfect plan."
The Good Place
"It probably thinks I'm Eleanor."
The Good Place
"It is I, Tahani."
The Good Place
"because my operating system is always updating."
The Good Place
"I'm not sure that's true, Janet."
The Good Place
"You still haven't talked to Jason"
The Good Place
"about your romantic baggage,"
The Good Place
"and the three of you are in some sort"
The Good Place
"of weird love triangle."
The Good Place
"You don't know what you're talking about."
The Good Place
"Also, love isn't a triangle."
The Good Place
"It's a five dimensional blob, so..."
The Good Place
"Okay. If you're so perfect, step on the scale."
The Good Place
"No! My beautiful balloon scale!"
The Good Place
"It's not yours."
The Good Place
"No, no, please stop fighting."
The Good Place
"Oh man. This stinks."
The Good Place
"I'm having this feeling where..."
The Good Place
"what is it called? You know, where you..."
The Good Place
"You only need two:"
The Good Place
"Anger and confusion!"
The Good Place
"This whole balloon thing is a fake."
The Good Place
"The truth is, I have no idea how to get into the Good Place"
The Good Place
"and I never have!"
The Good Place
"I'm angry and confused."
The Good Place
"So months ago,"
The Good Place
"when you said you had this whole complicated plan"
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"for getting us to the Good Place..."
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"I could figure out a way in."
The Good Place
"I actually tried one billion and twelve different plans."
The Good Place
"is by being a good person on Earth."
The Good Place
"This is unforgivable."
The Good Place
"How many times can you betray us?"
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"learning why it was bad to lie."
The Good Place
"I also learned the error of my ways."
The Good Place
"So I could keep searching for a way in."
The Good Place
"to live in this neighborhood forever,"
The Good Place
"So what happens now?"
The Good Place
"and he'll realize that someone on the inside was helping you."
The Good Place
"and I will be... be retired."
The Good Place
"You're... you're mad at me."
The Good Place
"Oh, come on. Everyone knows that's worse."
The Good Place
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