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Clips from The Good Place - Mindy St. Claire (S01E01)

"Emancipation papers? Honey!"
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"What does "emancipation" mean?"
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"It means I'll be on my own."
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"All my life, I've been taking care of myself and you guys."
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"I work two after-school jobs because you blew half"
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"my college fund bailing your boyfriend out of jail."
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"So irresponsible."
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"I've been on my own for a while now anyway,"
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"and after you sign these papers, it'll be official."
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"I won't owe you anything; you won't owe me anything."
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"Well, if you want me to sign... oh, that's a joint."
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"Uh, do you have a pen or a lighter?"
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"You're a really interesting person, Eleanor."
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"We should hang out sometime."
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"Wow, your parents sucked."
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"Yeah, they did, and I've been using"
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"their crappy parenting as an excuse"
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"for my selfish behavior all my life. No more."
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"We know what's right here. We have to go back."
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"Ride-or-die."
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"Time is up."
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"In preparation for your trip to the Bad Place,"
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"please put on these fedoras."
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"Oh, no."
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"Well, no use delaying the inevitable."
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"We surrender. Together."
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"Real weird vibe in here."
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"Was definitely expecting some applause."
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"You're too late. You... you missed the cut-off."
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"So..."
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"_"
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"What is the most logical decision?"
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"I made my initial ruling."
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"I established a deadline. The deadline was missed."
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"The original perpetrators are here."
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"This is exhausting."
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"I just want to go back to my container of goo and go to sleep."
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"The Bad Place is owed two people."
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"In my opinion, which is an objective fact in this case"
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"and all cases always and forever,"
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"you have all done bad things since you arrived here,"
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"therefore I don't care which two of you go."
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"You can decide. You have 30 minutes."
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"Uh, don't I get to weigh in?"
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"Bring me a list of the frozen yogurt flavors."
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"We have some work to do there as well."
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"Morning, Mike. How's it hanging?"
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"Oh. Fine, Dave, just fine."
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"I put your mail on your desk and you have an appointment later"
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"with the Director of Point Calculations."
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"Ugh."
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"Listen, we got the files for the new crop of incoming,"
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"I get to design it myself?"
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"You've been an apprentice long enough. You're ready."
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"Oh, Dave, I'm gonna work so hard."
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"My design is gonna be absolutely perfect."
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"Okay. Easy there, rookie."
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"You'll be reporting directly to the front office."
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"This is your shot. Good luck."
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"_"
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"All I ever wanted was for this neighborhood..."
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"my first neighborhood to be perfect."
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"Somehow I blew it and... well, you're all suffering,"
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"and for that, I'm deeply sorry."
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"This is truly the saddest day of my life."
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"Okay, I guess I'll speak first."
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"Jason and I are the mistakes."
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"We're the ones who misled everybody"
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"and dragged you all into this mess, so..."
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"we should go to the Bad Place."
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"Okay, I thought you were gonna at least pretend"
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"to fight me on that, but whatever."
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"Let's look at this ethnically."
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"For what I hope is the last time,"
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"it is "ethically.""
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"You guys helped me and Eleanor, right,"
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"but we're bad, so you helping us was bad."
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"It's basic consequentialism: the morality of an action"
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"is solely judged on its consequences."
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"Great."
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"The one time you actually remember something from class."
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"but since we've been here, I just tried"
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"to stay out of everyone's way."
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"Chidi's done worse stuff than me."
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"He murdered Janet. He killed my wife!"
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"I was trying to stop you from doing it!"
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"Yeah, but you did it."
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"He who smelt it murdered Janet."
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"For the last time, my name is Jason,"
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"not Jianyu, the amazing and incredible monk."
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"Which is why you belong in the Bad Place."
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"And by the way, Janet is not your wife,"
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"or your soul mate."
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"There's a Janet in every neighborhood."
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"Well, I'm in love with this Janet."
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"We did a bunch of amazing, awesome stuff"
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"which almost turned out to be sex,"
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"and we were married in a legal ceremony."
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"It was not legal."
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"Okay, J-bones, you and me, outside."
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"What? But..."
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"I'm not going. I don't wanna."
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"I know you don't "wanna," goofball."
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"I don't wanna either, but let's face it."
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"Chidi and Tahani are better people than we are."
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"We tried to improve ourselves and you know what?"
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"We did a good job. Well, I did a good job."
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"You mostly fell asleep in class"
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"or made fart noises with your hands."
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"I could never do that on Earth."
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"This place truly is paradise."
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"Look at them."
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"Whispering away like two Beefeaters on a tea break."
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"I bet they're plotting against us."
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"No way. Eleanor wouldn't do that."
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"I don't know. Yes."
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"But no. Please don't make me"
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"think about this again. My brain will break."
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"I'm sorry, it's just that I have certain feelings for you."
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"You must see this."
The Good Place
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