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Clips from The Good Place - What's My Motivation (S01E01)

"in northeastern Florida, but if we're gonna make it"
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"in the DJ game, we gotta get to Miami."
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"Miami's expensive."
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"I mean, I got ten bucks to my name,"
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"and I spent eight of it on this burrito,"
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"and the other two on guac."
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"I know what we gotta do."
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"We're gonna rob this restaurant."
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"Great idea!"
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"What if we get caught?"
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"We'll just get married so that no one can testify against us."
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"I got diarrhea. I'll be right back."
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"Me too. I'll race you."
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"Best friends!"
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"Thank you all for participating in"
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"our focus group for Fake Eleanor."
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"Think of this as an open forum"
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"for you to air any and all grievances"
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"that you may carry against her."
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"I was flying on the second day,"
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"and when you caused the trash storm,"
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"I crashed into a rotting turkey carcass, and it exploded."
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"- Oh, dear. - All this"
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"cartilage and bone got tangled up in my hair,"
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"and its skin was all over my skin."
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"I didn't know where I ended and the turkey carcass began."
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"Well, if it makes you feel any better,"
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"your skin looks amazing."
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"My café got destroyed by the giant frog,"
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"then I reopened it and it fell into the sinkhole."
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"Just like me, I fell in too."
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"Who else feels that Eleanor has ruined"
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"every moment of your existence since you arrived?"
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"Excellent. I must confer with Eleanor"
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"for a tick, so please, just enjoy the lemonade and cookies."
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"It seems everyone's problem with me is me."
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"The last moment they were happy was at my party."
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"We have to recreate that party."
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"We have to take them back to that night before I started"
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"affecting the neighborhood and give them a fresh start."
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"Yes, of course."
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"We must throw the perfect party,"
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"or else you'll be tortured by demons forever."
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"Janet, there you are."
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"Some residents are complaining that you're not responding..."
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"I'm sorry, what's going on?"
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"Is that a... a wedding ring?"
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"Yes."
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"I'm married."
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"from telling you any private information"
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"about any resident."
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"Is it that person?"
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"Jianyu, the man standing right there also wearing a wedding band?"
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"Dad..."
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"we need to talk."
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"I just want to make sure that I have this right."
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"Um... Jianyu is not a Taiwanese monk,"
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"but rather someone named Jason Mendoza,"
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"a failed DJ from Jacksonville, Florida."
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"I was pre-successful."
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"And you two are married."
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"Hells yeah, homie. We love each other."
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"She makes the bass drop..."
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"in my heart."
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"And Jason is a person who was near me,"
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"and then he asked me to marry him,"
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"that specifically barred that from happening."
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"- So I agreed. - Love you too, babe."
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"Janet."
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"Please tell me how this could have happened."
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"Unclear. As you know, each time I am updated,"
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"I accrue new knowledge and abilities."
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"My suspicion is that when I was rebooted,"
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"I bonded with Jason in a way"
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"that I have never bonded with anyone before."
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"I seem to have gained a new understanding of love."
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"I also learned how to do this."
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"I will speak to you later."
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"Go to your void."
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"Okay."
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"No, Janet, come back!"
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"- Hi there. - Go."
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"- No! - Stop doing that."
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"Me?"
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"- Go! - Good-bye."
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"- Janet, come back. - I love you."
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"I love you too."
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"That is Sachveer,"
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"and his problem with me is..."
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"Oh, one of the giraffes tried to hump him."
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"It's gonna be hard to keep a straight face tonight."
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"Hey, can I ask your advice on something?"
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"Are you sure, dude?"
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"Isn't there someone else better you could ask,"
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"like literally anyone else?"
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"Well, it's a sensitive matter, and you... you do know me"
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"pretty well. So here it is:"
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"Real Eleanor said she loves me."
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"Hey, man, nice pull. She's a great person."
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"I mean, we are soul mates, so I probably do love her,"
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"but then again, how do I know if my motivation is correct?"
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"Maybe I think I'm supposed to love her,"
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"it won't mean anything."
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"You have a tendency to over-think things."
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"Turn off that giant brain, and just say you love her too."
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"- You think? - If this were some"
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"random person you hooked up with at a Diamondbacks game"
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"not based on a real example... I would say keep mulling,"
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"but this is your soul mate."
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"She's Universe-approved."
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"Tell her you love her."
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"Yeah, 'cause I give great advice."
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"Now maybe you'll finally listen to me and take off those glasses."
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"We are in the afterlife, dummy, nature's Lasik."
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"Okay. I think I figured this out."
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"There is a real Jianyu, a Taiwanese monk"
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"who took an oath of silence at the age of eight."
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"But, three months ago,"
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"he went into such a deep meditative state"
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"that he registered as dead,"
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