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Clips from What We Do in the Shadows - The Chamber of Judgement (S03E03)

"[Frank exhales sharply]"
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"FRANK: Fucking Sean."
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"LASZLO: You all right, Sean?"
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"Honestly, Laz? I'm not doing too good."
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"I was hoping you were getting, like, 25 pillows,"
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"and I was counting on, uh, you know, Newman Robinson"
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"or whatever the fuck his name is."
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"- Who? - The guy who looks like a fetus."
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"- Oh, right. - And then Nandor and his boyfriend"
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"don't even show up? I mean..."
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"Well, I wouldn't take that personally."
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"Listen, I know. It's just..."
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"Nandor looks like he's a real big sleeper, right?"
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"I could sell him, like, 40 large."
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"And then, you know, the little guy,"
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"listen, get him for ten, okay? He's poor."
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"I mean, he wears the same cardigan everywhere."
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"I sense there's something else that's bothering you."
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"All right. All right."
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"You got to promise me you're not gonna tell a soul."
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"- I won't tell a soul. - Charmaine doesn't even know."
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"- Really? - Yeah."
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"- Okay, are you ready? - Yeah, I'm ready."
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"All right. Hey, whoa, whoa!"
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"I got a cousin like that, but that's not me."
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"- Really? - Yeah, I respect you and everything..."
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"Okay. You won't remember anything"
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"about how you attempted to seduce me just now."
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"Continue with your tale."
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"I'm in too deep."
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"I bought a lot, a lot of pillows."
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"I mean, so many."
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"How many pillows?"
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"[Sean grunts]"
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"- LASZLO: Shit. - Yeah. I haven't sold that many,"
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"so I can't pay back the guy who sold them to me."
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"And, uh, now he's taking me to small-claims court."
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"So, how many of these have you actually sold?"
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"Three."
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"-[groans] - Yeah. Charmaine wanted one,"
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"but you can't sell them to women because..."
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"- it's a men's-only pillow. - Men's-only pillow."
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"Says so on the box."
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"Yeah, yeah, it's legally binding."
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"Court date's tomorrow night. I'm scared, Laz."
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"I don't want you to worry about this one second longer."
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"I think I can get you out of this hole."
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"[chuckling] I could kiss you, Laz!"
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"-[bell tolls] - NADJA: Maybe we could just put"
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"a sheet or a cloth over it or something."
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"The throne is a very important symbol in the ceremony."
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"GUILLERMO: Hmm."
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"Well, I have an idea, but... Forget it."
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"I have too many things to do today. [chuckles]"
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"- No, go on, Guillermo. - No, what is it?"
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"Well..."
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"I was thinking,"
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"why don't we put me in the robe,"
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"and I'll sit on the throne?"
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"I mean, I'm obviously not a vampire,"
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"but they don't know that."
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"And I think that, you know, the symbolism will hold."
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"- Worth a shot, I guess. - Works for me. - An elegant solution."
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"-[bell tolls] - GUILLERMO: Okay. - NADJA: I love symbolism, so..."
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"A little bit higher."
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"[classical music playing]"
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"It's all a big game of chess."
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"I just didn't say who was playing who...m. Whom."
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"Go faster!"
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"Yeah! [whooping]"
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"I'm getting dizzy."
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"- All right. Uh, Iorek the Knavish. -[chains rattling]"
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"[hisses]"
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"The wraiths look much more disgusting"
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"than I remember them looking."
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"GUIDE: Oh, yeah. We have them wear special masks"
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"for the Ceremonies of Judgment."
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"Makes them look much scarier."
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"Number Five? Wrong mask! Again!"
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"Every time with that one."
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"Thank you. [clears throat] So, continuing..."
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"Iorek the Knavish,"
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"you stand charged with selling"
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"your fellow vampires a so-called magical herb"
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"which you claimed would protect them"
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"from the ill effects of sunshine."
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"NADJA: Oh, that would be nice."
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"[chuckles]: Yes, indeed, it would be."
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"If it worked!"
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"[bell tolls]"
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"Please watch."
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"[man and woman screaming on TV]"
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"[Nadja, Guide and Nandor groaning]"
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"How did you obtain this footage?"
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"- The Crow-Cam. -[cawing]"
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"It's gone."
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"Nandor, it is clearly vampicide."
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"Yes, multiple vampicide."
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"NADJA: Well, then, we should kill him."
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"Um, it might not be a bad idea"
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"to kick off our reign with something"
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"that shows a bit more mercy?"
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"Yeah, hmm?"
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"NADJA: Is there a cell"
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"that he can be cast away in"
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"for hundreds of years? [hisses]"
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"- As you wish. -[bell tolls]"
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"For how many years specifically?"
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"- 500 years! - A hundred."
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"- 150. - Two years is fine. Just two is good."
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"GUIDE: Our next offender stands accused"
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"of breaking just about every rule"
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"by which we vampires keep our presence"
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"on this earth a secret."
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"-[bell tolls] -[Nandor hisses]"
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"-[hissing] - Ugh. Boo! - DEREK: Okay, so, hear me out."
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"If you tell me the rules, I'd be down to follow them."
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"GUIDE: If I may please continue?"
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"Derek is a member of the Mosquito Club."
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"It was that, uh, vigilante vampire-hunting group"
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