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Clips from What We Do in the Shadows - The Chamber of Judgement (S03E03)

"- Nadja may sit on the throne. -[Nadja chuckles]"
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"Or the one who challenges the throne-sitter?"
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"- Thank you, Nandor. - Yes."
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"GUILLERMO: Or perhaps it's the person"
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"who whispers into both their ears."
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"So, at the time in question, I was having a brandy"
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"with Vicar Wilson in the, uh,"
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"- tack room or some shit. - Oh."
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"Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, how-how you guys been, uh,"
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"- sleeping lately, huh? - MIKEY: Uh, you know, not too bad."
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"- I actually been taking this melatonin stuff... - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear that."
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"I've been sleeping like shit, too, you know?"
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"My neck's been all stiff, and, uh, my knees,"
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"- they've been swelling. It's really bad. - LASZLO: So, hold on."
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"- Is Frank dead? - FRANK: No."
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"- Frank? I'm Frank. - LASZLO: Oh, right."
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"I'm having a brandy with the-the vicar."
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"- Gotcha. - MIKEY: Am I the vicar?"
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"- You're the vicar. - SEAN: My lower back!"
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"Oh, forget about it. It was terrible."
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"But then I got this new pillow,"
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"which is not available in stores,"
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"- and, uh... - Well, how did you get it, then?"
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"Stop asking so many questions."
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"Anyway, it's an incredible product."
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"It totally changed my life."
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"- COLIN: Okay. - FRANK: Yeah, cool. Oh, hey,"
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"- you guys hear, uh, Kevin got laid off? - No."
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"- Yeah. For real. - Kevin?"
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"SEAN: I've been sleeping like a baby now."
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"Really sleeping like a baby"
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"thanks to this brand-new, state-of-the-art pillow."
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"What the fuck is its name?"
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"Hold on. Hold on. I'll be right back."
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"- Hold that thought. - LASZLO: You see this hockey match?"
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"We played a game exactly like that at Eton. Difference is,"
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"we didn't play with a puck. We played with a cock."
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"- A cock that had been hardened... - COLIN: Can we actually"
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"get back to your friend who was fired?"
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"-[singsongy]: Da-da-da-da! - Oh, Kevin. Yeah, it was brutal."
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"- He got... - It's called the Guy Pillow."
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"- For the man who sleeps. - COLIN: Ooh."
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"Yeah, yeah, like that guy, uh, on TV. Mike Lindell, right?"
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"That's the MyPillow, and this is the Guy Pillow."
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"- They're completely different. - LASZLO: All right."
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"Simmer down, Sean. We can't all be pillow experts."
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"- SEAN: Right. Yeah. Yeah. - FRANK: Okay."
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"Can we get back to the game?"
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"Yeah. I got a card."
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"Okay, stop twisting my arm, guys."
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"I'll give you a demo, all right?"
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"Does the pillow come with the pillowcase?"
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"SEAN: Yeah, I'm glad you asked that, Laz."
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"It's a hypoallergenic pillowcase,"
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"and, yeah, the whole shebang comes for what? $49.99."
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"-[spits, chuckles] What? - What the fuck? -[chuckles] Seanie,"
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"- 50 bucks for a fucking pillow? - SEAN: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa."
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"This is a quality pillow but for a value price."
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"But you know what I'm gonna do? Because you guys are my friends,"
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"I'm gonna knock ten bucks off the top."
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"- That's $39.99 apiece. - FRANK: Whoa, whoa."
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"- Wait. You're selling these things? - SEAN: You kidding me?"
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"- These things sell themselves. So, who's in? - Uh..."
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"-[bell tolls] - The Ceremony of Judgment"
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"will now commence."
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"- Wait, I was gonna... -[classical music playing]"
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"Okay, stop!"
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"- Stop. I'm not ready. No, no. -[music stops playing]"
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"So, back to one. I don't... I'm so sorry."
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"- What seems to be the problem? - Nandor is very tall."
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"When he stands, his face is much higher"
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"than my face 'cause I am sat on the throne."
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"I'll see what I can do."
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"Thank you, Guillermo."
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"Here's a thought."
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"Perhaps we just remove the throne"
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"- from the equation. - NANDOR: Here's a thought."
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"Can we get this going already?"
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"Remove the throne!"
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"NANDOR: Ah, shit."
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"[throne scraping]"
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"- Ooh! Ooh, that's... - Aah!"
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"- NANDOR: Ay-ay-ay-ay. -[overlapping chatter]"
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"That's-that's plenty. Thank you, wraiths."
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"- That's plenty. Thank you. -[wraiths whispering indistinctly]"
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"- Gonna be hard to get that out. - GUIDE: Okay, we good?"
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"- Everyone good? - NADJA: Yes. - NANDOR: Yes."
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"- Great. -[Nandor clears throat]"
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"Let the Ceremony of Judgment commence!"
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"- Can't I just say it once? -[bell tolls]"
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"[classical music playing]"
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"GUIDE: Okay, stop!"
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"- NADJA: What now? - It looks so dumb"
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"with the throne just sitting there empty."
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"She does make a good point. [chuckles softly]"
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"You guys, just take five. Honestly, don't go far."
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"What you really should do"
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"is stop acting like a bunch of jabronis"
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"and get, like, 25 of these things each."
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"COLIN: Well, I don't usually sleep with 25 pillows."
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"SEAN: News flash. You don't use these."
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"You buy extras,"
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"and then you sell 'em to your stupid friends"
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"for a little do-re-mi for yourself."
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"Laz, come on. [chuckles]"
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"I don't use a pillow."
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"SEAN: Okay. Well, Mikey."
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"Come on. I mean, we used to sleep"
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"- in the same bed. - MIKEY: Hey, buddy,"
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"I don't know what to tell you, you know?"
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"All my friends are in this room, you know?"
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"- No. - SEAN: You know what?"
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"Fine. I mean, what does it matter?"
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"Don't buy any, huh?"
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"You bunch of fucking backstabbers."
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"Who cares about Sean, right?"
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"- Fuck me, right? - FRANK: Sean."
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"[scoffs] Fuck me? Well, fuck you!"
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"- Oh! - SEAN: You are gonna regret it when you didn't get in"
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"on the ground floor of this superior product!"
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