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Clips from M*A*S*H - Love Story (S01E01)

"— Smile a little bit. Smile. —Ah, Bach."
M*A*S*H
"That‘s nice. Very good. That‘s not bad."
M*A*S*H
"You just try to look bored."
M*A*S*H
"[Sighs]"
M*A*S*H
"Well, say, uh,"
M*A*S*H
"“Well, I‘m partial to the fugue.”"
M*A*S*H
"Well, I‘m partial to the fugue."
M*A*S*H
"Can I say that to a girl I hardly know?"
M*A*S*H
"And I‘ve been working at the headquarters hospital in Seoul."
M*A*S*H
"— Very G.|. compared to this. - Oh."
M*A*S*H
"We run a very informal shop around here. We don‘t work too hard."
M*A*S*H
"— Say something. — Speaking ofTolstoy——"
M*A*S*H
"Tolstoy? What about him?"
M*A*S*H
"Radar was saying just the other day how fiexible he is."
M*A*S*H
"Uh, what Radar meant was that Tolstoy could either work at his writing..."
M*A*S*H
"Actually, he was one of the hardest working..."
M*A*S*H
"neorealist writers ofthe 1 9th century."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ll go along with that."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ll tell you how I feel about Tolstoy."
M*A*S*H
"I haven‘t said anything yet."
M*A*S*H
"That‘s okay. I have confidence in you, Lieutenant."
M*A*S*H
"I‘m pretty good with mustard too."
M*A*S*H
"We use a lot of ketchup around here. It improves the food."
M*A*S*H
"[Chuckles] Well, when in Rome——"
M*A*S*H
"The fall ofthe Roman Empire was due to internal strife."
M*A*S*H
"— Radar reads an awful lot. — Big reader."
M*A*S*H
"Is that true?"
M*A*S*H
"and maybe it isn‘t."
M*A*S*H
"Did you ever see anything like that?"
M*A*S*H
"Making a fuss over an enlisted man?"
M*A*S*H
"Fawning all over him?"
M*A*S*H
"Probably only got one thing on her mind."
M*A*S*H
"Don‘t say that word, Frank. Not at lunch."
M*A*S*H
"— Borrow them anytime you want to. — Oh, thanks."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ve got Shostakovich,"
M*A*S*H
"and I‘ve got the London Symphony playing Tchaikovsky."
M*A*S*H
"[Mouthing Words]"
M*A*S*H
"What does that mean, “Ah, Bach“?"
M*A*S*H
"Uh,just that. Ah, Bach."
M*A*S*H
"— Ah, Bach. —All right, hold it."
M*A*S*H
"Somehow... there‘s a mathematical precision about Bach,"
M*A*S*H
"Um, I suppose non—lovers of Bach——"
M*A*S*H
"[Scoffs] ifthere are any——"
M*A*S*H
"would never really be able to understand it."
M*A*S*H
"It‘s against regulations for enlisted personnel to consort with officers."
M*A*S*H
"Major, has it occurred to you that these two people may be in love?"
M*A*S*H
"— That‘s not important. — Not important?"
M*A*S*H
"Without love, what are we worth? Eighty—nine cents."
M*A*S*H
"Eighty—nine cents‘ worth ofchemicals walking around lonely."
M*A*S*H
"Colonel, LieutenantAnderson is one of m y nurses."
M*A*S*H
"I‘m responsible for her conduct."
M*A*S*H
"Corporal O‘Reilly is your responsibility."
M*A*S*H
"I want this affairwith him terminated!"
M*A*S*H
"“Affair“? You‘re worried about Radar,"
M*A*S*H
"a nearsighted, prepubescent corporal with six toes on each foot?"
M*A*S*H
"How many more physicals are you and Frank gonna exchange..."
M*A*S*H
"before you declare each other fit?"
M*A*S*H
"/’m warning you, break up this little romance,"
M*A*S*H
"oryou‘ll force me to make a formal complaint,"
M*A*S*H
"overyour head, to General Clayton."
M*A*S*H
"I wonder how she‘d like it if! broke up her romance with Frank Burns."
M*A*S*H
"— I wonder how she‘d feel about that. — Now, Pierce,"
M*A*S*H
"I did not hear that."
M*A*S*H
"that sort ofcheap, low, sneaky, underhanded maneuver."
M*A*S*H
"Thinkyou could do it?"
M*A*S*H
"With a little butter and salt."
M*A*S*H
"Wouldn‘tyou like some ifwe sent out for some popcorn?"
M*A*S*H
"All right, folks. We‘ll have our film now."
M*A*S*H
"[Hawkeye] Maybe we could get a couple ofhot dogs,"
M*A*S*H
"— [ Trapper] For what? — [Hawkeye] To watch the movies with."
M*A*S*H
"Okay. Folks, you want to, uh, kind of, uh, settle——"
M*A*S*H
"—All right, people. All right. — [Hawkeye Laughing]"
M*A*S*H
"— [Radar] Quiet! — [ Chattering Stops]"
M*A*S*H
"Thankyou, Radar."
M*A*S*H
"And along with that,"
M*A*S*H
"we‘ll have some slides on the newest drugs available to us..."
M*A*S*H
"— Lights, please, Radar. Thankyou. —[Clanging]"
M*A*S*H
"— Hey, Frank. — Yeah. Yeah."
M*A*S*H
"Major, | just got word that you‘re needed right away in the postop."
M*A*S*H
"Well,yes, this is my specialty."
M*A*S*H
"[Henry] All right. This is slide “A, ”"
M*A*S*H
"n? “C"
M*A*S*H
"Oh!"
M*A*S*H
"It‘s been days and days and days and days, Frank."
M*A*S*H
"— Shall we try for tonight? — Mmm."
M*A*S*H
"— My place oryours? — Yours."
M*A*S*H
"Just because a man shaves doesn‘t have to mean he‘s——"
M*A*S*H
"Yes, it does. That‘s why shaving was invented, to kill time before a date."
M*A*S*H
"that a man mightjust want to get rid ofhis beard and feel clean, would it?"
M*A*S*H
"You‘re the cleanest ofthe clean. You‘re even cleaner."
M*A*S*H
"[Mumbling]"
M*A*S*H
"Poor Frank. Just can‘t hold his chloroform."
M*A*S*H
"— [ Knocking 0n Door] — Come in, darling."
M*A*S*H
"What do you want?"
M*A*S*H
"“Da te ”.7"
M*A*S*H
"We‘rejust acquaintances."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, we run into each other once in a while."
M*A*S*H
"Well, he can‘t run into you tonight."
M*A*S*H
"Where were you? What happened last night?"
M*A*S*H
"You wouldn‘t believe it."
M*A*S*H
"Those two maniacs?"
M*A*S*H
"— What? —I told you you wouldn‘t believe it."
M*A*S*H
"You‘d think they could run that postop ward forjust one night without me."
M*A*S*H
"[Sighs] All right, Sergeant, what is it?"
M*A*S*H
"— What for? — That‘s what I‘m asking you."
M*A*S*H
"We‘ve got no problems here, Major. Except yours."
M*A*S*H
"Well, then why——"
M*A*S*H
"Margaret dear, it‘s me, Frank!"
M*A*S*H
"But don‘t tell the house mother."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, you guys!"
M*A*S*H
"I‘ve had it! I‘ve had it with——"
M*A*S*H
"Cones."
M*A*S*H
"The first one was too hard."
M*A*S*H
"— And the second one was too soft. —All right! All right!"
M*A*S*H
"Now, what‘s it gonna take foryou two to leave me alone?"
M*A*S*H
"Ease up on Radar and Louise Anderson, and cut out that G.|. garbage."
M*A*S*H
"— It‘s blackmail. — Okay."
M*A*S*H
"— Nighty—night. — Stop it! Stop it!"
M*A*S*H
"— No calls to General Clayton? — No more calls to General Clayton."
M*A*S*H
"— Fine. And there‘sjust one more thing. — What?"
M*A*S*H
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