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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm - Seinfeld (S07E07)

"What is this?"
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"Really?"
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"Yeah, I got a ring stain from some coffee. I put some coffee there."
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"Let me ask you a question."
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"Did you leave a ring stain on Julia Louis-Dreyfus's table?"
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"Oh no. I would never do that."
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"How did this get here?"
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"That's between the coffee and the wood."
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"- No, you don't respect wood. - I do respect wood."
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"This is a low-grade wood."
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"Oh, so you discriminate amongst wood?"
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"I guess you could say that."
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"I respect all wood. I respect pine."
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"Doesn't matter, okay? You don't."
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"And what about the dogs? No respect for the dogs?"
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"Your heart bleeds for the wood"
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"but not for actual life."
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"So you go to a funeral, you're more upset about the coffin than the deceased?"
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"Did you leave that stain on her coffee table, Jerry?"
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"You've lost your mind."
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"Oh, Larry David, wood detective."
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"- Hi, mocha Joe. - What do you want, Larry?"
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"The thing is, mocha Joe,"
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"if you press charges"
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"those dogs are gonna get put down."
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"That's right, Larry. Those dogs are getting gassed."
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"Well..."
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"Solid."
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"A solid, Larry?"
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"Is there like another word for solid?"
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"Does this favor involve a tip?"
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"Okay, mocha Joe."
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"I guess it does."
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"That's for me bringing the jumper cables to your office."
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"- Oh, and thank you so much. - You're welcome."
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"- 'Cause I know how difficult that was for you. - It was."
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"- It was hard work. - Long walk."
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"That's for not picking up my fucking coffee beans."
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"I went down there, but the store was closed."
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"One dog lives."
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"Hey, I'm here to pick up that coffee for Jason Alexander."
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"Right, a black coffee no sugar and one vanilla decaf latte."
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"The dogs, okay? Are we good?"
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"How you doing, ladies?"
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"Hey. - Hey, coffee time. A little caffeine."
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"Yes. - Thank you, I will get it where it's going."
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"Hey, Cheryl, what's going on in there?"
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"Cheryl, open up."
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"- Hey, what are you doing? - Where is he?"
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"- What? - Huh? Where is he?"
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"That's right! I see you!"
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"- Laughing at lar? - Larry!"
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"What am I doing? What are you doing?"
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"- What's going in here? - Nothing."
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"Something is going on, otherwise he wouldn't be running away."
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"Well, you're intimidating him."
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"Really? Yeah, he's very sensitive, by the way."
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"- Jason's sensitive? - He's sensitive."
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"He's funny. He's a little neurotic, so things like this"
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"- can get under his skin. - Are you kidding?"
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"That's George. That's all George. That's me."
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"I wrote that stuff. You're not attracted to him, you're attracted to me."
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"I'm George."
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"Did you work on this with him?"
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"Jerry: I didn't."
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"This is like a major... He took the whole thing apart."
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"- It's all different. - I made some changes."
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"I changed the ending."
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"So George and Amanda, they're not gonna end up together?"
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"- No. - Oh, come on."
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"They get together... we don't do endings like that."
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"- That's why it's so funny. - Exactly."
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"It's all bullshit. What couples get together in the end?"
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"- You know it's fantasy crap. - It doesn't matter."
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"That story had a great ending. This is a whole different thing."
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"Well, this is the show. This is the show."
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"No, Jason. You're not wrong, but we can't."
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"Larry, do what you want to do. I quit, thank you very much."
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"- Jason. - I'm sorry, Mike."
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"- I'm sorry, I can't do it. - This is working out great."
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"All right, okay. So how do we do the show without Jason?"
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"It's just a script, Larry. There's no show without Jason."
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"How do you even have the show? What do you have?"
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"You have a three-legged goat here."
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"Larry, what do you want to do?"
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"I'll play George."
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"- What? - I'll play George."
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"- I'll play George. - What?"
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"- Yes, I can do it. - ( Laughing )"
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"You'll play what, George's Butler? What do you mean?"
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"No, I will play George Costanza."
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"I wrote it. The character is based on me."
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"There were two darrens on "bewitched.""
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"Nobody liked that second Darren."
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"- Oh my god. - Do you understand what this is?"
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"It's iconic television here."
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"The set's an icon. He's an icon."
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"She's an icon. He was an icon."
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"There's no John, Paul, George and Larry."
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"Well, somebody's gonna have to go get Jason."
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"Let me try it. Let me try it."
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"Let me do one scene. What have you got to lose?"
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"Action!"
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"So I'm in a bank the other day. I'm on the line"
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"and the guy in front of me is leaving a space in front of him."
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"- No, you can't take that. - I'm thinking, "come on, tighten it up, dude.""
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"So then..."
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"Oh, you're gonna do the BlackBerry-head-down thing on me now?"
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"What is with the BlackBerry people?"
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"and read it while you're talking? Is that okay too?"
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"Wait, what magazine?"
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"- What? - Huh?"
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"I want to know if you're happy."
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"Yeah, I'm reasonably happy."
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"George, what are you talking about?"
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"George, wouldn't it be easier just to talk to Amanda?"
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"No. Ho-ho."
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"George is getting upset."
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"Huh? Huh? What do you think?"
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"You know what? Let them do their stupid ending with Jason."
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