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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm - The Wire (S01E01)

"'Cause you're a fat, fucking asshole, that's what you are."
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"This is not my problem, this is your problem."
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"I am pissed, because my whole life is now in shambles!"
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"Hello."
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"This is all we need, "Mr. Wake me up in the middle of the night!""
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"What the fuck are you doing here?"
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"Were you really?"
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"Let me tell you something, Larry. Jeff's computer golf game is gone!"
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"The computer's gone, the TV's gone, the new DVD player's gone."
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"Everything's gone!"
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"My wedding video is gone because your fat-fuck manager over here..."
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"let an asshole kid into our house, okay?"
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"All gone!"
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"- It's not his fault. - Whose fault is it?"
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"- It's not Larry's... - It's the kid's fault."
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"- No, I don't think it's the kid's fault. - I'm gonna get him!"
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"You're going to get him? Look at you, you're pathetic."
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"And, Larry, by the way..."
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"what the fuck was that about, calling at 10:20 at night the other day?"
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"- I thought the cut-off was 10:30. - You know I have trouble sleeping?"
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"- Yes, you do. - Don't know that."
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"- The cut-off is 10:00! - 10:00."
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"A lot of things to do during the day."
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"Once I go to sleep, then I have to take a Xanax!"
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"- I was crazy that night, okay? - You have a 10:00 cut-off, okay."
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"While I'm on the subject..."
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"who is this schmuck, fuck-face lawyer you set us up with?"
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"I could see how one could interpret that as a serious error in judgment."
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"That's quite correct."
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"That's even an understatement, because that guy is costing us, how much money?"
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"How much is he costing us? Larry, should I be upset about this?"
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"They're just things. We can replace everything."
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"There's things we can't replace, like my grandmother's brooch..."
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"- from Russia. - Did he take it?"
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"I don't know. I'm gonna check that right now."
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"She brought it over from Russia, from a pogrom. She was in steerage."
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"If that's gone, I'm gonna be hysterical."
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"She worked hard all her life to give that to me!"
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"I'm sorry you walked in on that. No. Don't, please."
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"- Goodbye. - No, please, I'm begging you."
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"- Just stay here. - I can't stay here."
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"No, trust me. That fucking brooch better not be missing."
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"I'll kill you, Jeff! You're a cocksucker, motherfucker!"
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"My grandmother's brooch is missing. I could not replace this item."
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"What if something you cared about was missing?"
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"- You don't give a shit about anything! - My baseball cards."
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"All right. See? Now, it's not so funny anymore."
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"Mickey Mantle might not be there."
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"Like the fucking 3-year-old that you are. "I don't care about the money.""
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"- Will you shut up? - Fuck you!"
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"Stay right there. I wanna show you something."
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"- You got my pad? - It's even better. You won't believe this."
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"- Can you believe it? - This thing?"
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"- Is that unbelievable? - The same store. That's where Julia..."
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"- I don't get it. - I was so excited, I bought it at once."
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"- Are they knocking these things off? - I gotta go. I've got a meeting."
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"- I'll help you look when I get back, 'bye. - 'Bye."
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"Hi, come on in."
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"Hey, listen..."
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"I am so sorry about last night."
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"That was just so insane. I completely apologize."
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"That was crazy, but that pad was just so important."
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"It has nine months of ideas in there. It's like I've wasted nine months of my life."
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"When you were looking around last night..."
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"did you see my bracelet?"
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"Because I can't find my bracelet. You know the bracelet that you like?"
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"You didn't see it?"
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"No, but you know what's interesting?"
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"Cheryl actually was just..."
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"Jesus Christ."
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"Cheryl bought the same bracelet that you..."
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"- Julia, I swear to you, I didn't... - Why are you doing this?"
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"- I don't want it in my house. I don't want... - Dean, come on in."
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"Dean, look, it's Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Remember? This is Dean!"
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"We went over to his house the other day. It's Julia."
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"This is fantastic."
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"You were supposed to come the other day, and you didn't show up?"
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"Okay, can I tell you something, my friend?"
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"When you make appointments, keep it!"
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"Because now I'm busy, and I can't talk to you anymore."
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"Keep your appointments."
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"I think I'm nauseous. She's certainly a lot different on television."
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"You know what? She's mad at me, not you. Don't take that personally."
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"That's what you wanted, you met her. Isn't that fantastic?"
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"- I think that's great. - That was terrible."
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"That was maybe an encounter, but that's not a meeting."
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"I don't know why you're quibbling about semantics here. You met her."
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"It was an unpleasant meeting, it wasn't a long meeting..."
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"but it was, nevertheless, a meeting."
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"One person sees it one way, another person sees it another way."
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"There was a reason I came over."
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"Does that look familiar at all to you?"
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"- Is that... - Yeah, where'd you get this?"
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"It was in my house, under a cushion by the chair."
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"- I was just wondering if that was yours. - Yeah, thank you."
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"There's a reward involved in that."
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"Look right in the front part."
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"It says, "$500 to the person who returns this to L. David.""
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"I put two and two together and thought the "L" stood for Larry."
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"- Is that right? - I'll get a check, Sherlock."
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"- Perfect, check is fine. - Maybe you can get yourself a new sweater."
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"It's "E-I.""
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"Weinstock."
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"It can't be that bad."
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"- You do something nice, see what happens? - You get screwed."
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"How you guys doing?"
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"With his own hands, and some hammers. He actually worked on it, like Jimmy Carter."
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"I'm gonna get a divorce, I'm telling you. I can't take her anymore!"
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"Kismet. Isn't that what it's called?"
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"Can I ask you a question?"
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"- They're friends. - Tell them the truth about your biggest..."
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"They have kids."
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"- See how he does, a few more days. - I wanna fire him."
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"I know he is, but please, if you get rid of him..."
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"Get the kid to burn my house, so I don't have to worry about the wire."
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"- That I would love to do. - I would love to do that."
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"I've met her once before. She came over to my house, I told you."
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"His testicles were cut off when he was about 13..."
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"- He's still here. - He's still there?"
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"Thank you."
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