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Clips from The Brady Bunch - Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore (S01E01)

"Hot rod Charlie hit a banana."
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"Peter... I'm sorry, Greg."
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"I think so."
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"Or her kidney."
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"but why are you making it so permanent?"
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"The car's out front."
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"and splattered mud on your tuxedo"
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"♪ Here's the story ♪"
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"♪ Of a lovely lady ♪"
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"♪ Who was bringing up ♪"
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"♪ Three very lovely girls ♪"
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"♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪"
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"♪ Like their mother ♪"
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"♪ The youngest one in curls ♪"
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"♪ It's the story of a man named Brady ♪"
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"♪ Who was busy with three boys of his own ♪"
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"♪ They were four men living all together ♪"
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"♪ Yet they were all alone ♪"
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"♪ Till the one day when ♪"
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"♪ The lady met this fellow ♪"
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"♪ And they knew that it was ♪"
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"♪ Much more than a hunch ♪"
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"♪ That this group ♪"
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"♪ Must somehow form a family ♪"
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"♪ That's the way they all ♪"
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"♪ Became the Brady Bunch ♪"
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"♪ The Brady Bunch ♪"
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"♪ The Brady Bunch ♪"
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"♪ That's the way they became ♪"
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"♪ The Brady Bunch. ♪"
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"Alice!"
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"Alice! Ow, I ripped myself!"
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"Oh, let me see, Bobby."
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"Oh, what happened?"
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"I fell off my bike!"
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"Yeah, you banged that knee up pretty good."
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"How fast were you going, 300-400 miles an hour?"
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"I was going around the corner"
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"and I hit a banana."
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"Well, that will do it every time."
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"Park yourself over here."
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"We'll get it bandaged in a jiffy."
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"All work guaranteed or your money back."
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"What's going on? What's all the noise?"
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"Looks like he hit more than that."
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"Your poor knee."
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"You think I'm messed up"
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"you ought to see my bike."
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"Banged up, huh?"
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"Like a pretzel."
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"Come on, let's hobble upstairs and I'll get you bandaged up."
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"Alice can do it."
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"Oh."
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"Okay."
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"You might get a better deal upstairs."
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"You always do it real good."
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"Well, as long as you're all right."
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"Next time, look out for those bananas."
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"You know, you're not very smart."
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"You had a chance at a pretty nurse"
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"and you blew it."
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"But, Alice, you always fix my knees"
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"and elbows and things."
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"Well, the more I think about it"
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"the more I think"
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"you better go upstairs to your mother."
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"Why?"
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"I'm too busy right now."
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"I don't have time to fool around with scraped knees."
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"But you said..."
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"All right, so I changed my mind."
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"This is a kitchen, not an emergency ward."
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"Aw, but, Alice... Don't "but, Alice" me."
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"Go on upstairs, scoot."
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"Oh."
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"Boy, when you take a spill"
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"you really do it up right."
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"I've had worse than this lots of times."
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"If you saw the banana in the street"
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"why didn't you go around it?"
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"I wanted to squish it and I did, too."
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"Well, it looks like it squished you back."
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"You sure don't bleed much."
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"I could bleed more if I wanted to."
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"How are things in the operating room?"
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"Oh, we're getting the patient back together again."
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"Come on in and watch him bleed."
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"No, thanks."
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"I've seen him bleed."
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"Alice?"
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"Alice?"
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"Alice?!"
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"Coming!"
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"What's the problem, Mr. Brady?"
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"A button's coming off this shirt."
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"Could you sew one on real fast?"
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"I've got ten minutes to get downtown."
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"Sure. I'll zap one on there for you in just a jiff..."
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"On second thought, Mr. Brady,"
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"I just won't have time to do it right now."
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"Time? It will only take you a minute."
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"I'm sorry."
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"I just can't do it. I'm way behind schedule."
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"Say, I've got an idea."
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"Why don't you ask Mrs. Brady?"
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"Yeah. I guess Carol could sew a button."
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"Sure, she can."
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"I'll bet she's a heck of a good button sewer-oner."
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"Carol?"
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"Carol?!"
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"You shouldn't have taken it without asking!"
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"I don't go taking your stuff!"
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"Well, you weren't home! I had to have a glove!"
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"Well, use your own glove!"
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"I couldn't find mine! I bet you took it!"
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"I never touched it!"
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"Now look what you did!"
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"You got the pocket in the wrong place!"
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"What's up, men?"
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"Look at this, Alice. He took my glove."
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