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Clips from Chappelle's Show - Episode #2.1 (S02E02)

"America's #1 source for offensive comedy."
Chappelle's Show
"You know what's cool about being an American?"
Chappelle's Show
"We're all mixed up."
Chappelle's Show
"I'm talking about genetically."
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"And in some people, it's more than others."
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"For instance, my wife is Asian."
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"Derek Jeter is another guy like that."
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"Halle Berry is somebody else."
Chappelle's Show
"We need to just settle this once and for all,"
Chappelle's Show
"we need to have a draft."
Chappelle's Show
"That's right, I said it."
Chappelle's Show
"Good evening, and welcome to the first"
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"Folks, this is for all the marbles."
Chappelle's Show
"of these Americans once and for all."
Chappelle's Show
"That's right."
Chappelle's Show
"And the crowd is here to support their races."
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"Well, Rob, some of the biggest names in sports"
Chappelle's Show
"and in entertainment are on the line tonight."
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"And I'm excited to see who's gonna be drafted by which race."
Chappelle's Show
"Seated behind me on the stage there,"
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"are the various representatives."
Chappelle's Show
"And, believe it or not"
Chappelle's Show
"Wow, that's the first lottery a black person's won"
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"in a long time, Billy."
Chappelle's Show
"(chuckling together)"
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"Man, fuck you."
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"is heading for the microphone now,"
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"why don't we take a listen."
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"choose Tiger Woods."
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"(cheering)"
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"(Rob) No surprises there, fellas."
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"His father black, his mother Thai."
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"Well, that doesn't matter anymore"
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"because now he is officially black."
Chappelle's Show
"Dave, the Asians have got to be upset."
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"He's been discriminated against in his time,"
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"Sounds like a black guy to me."
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"Tiger's taking the stage now,"
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"and if you ask me, he's looking blacker already."
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"Ah, I'd like to say,"
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"a tremendous opportunity for me."
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"To finally be part of a race and have a home."
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"So long, fried rice, hello fried chicken."
Chappelle's Show
"I love you guys!"
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"(cheers & applause)"
Chappelle's Show
"Ah, I always wanted to say this..."
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"for shizzle."
Chappelle's Show
"Well, it seems as though"
Chappelle's Show
"Tiger Woods is happy to be black"
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"and that's a good thing"
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"because I just received word"
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"that he lost all his endorsements."
Chappelle's Show
"Ooh, that's a tough one."
Chappelle's Show
"Oh, Amex, Tag Heuer, Wheaties"
Chappelle's Show
"the whole shebang-a-bang."
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"Tough break, nigga, there's always Fubu."
Chappelle's Show
"Many have speculated about their pick."
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"But I'm guessing they're gonna pick Madonna"
Chappelle's Show
"and finish off the job Kabbalah started."
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"Yes, well, Rob, she was born and raised Catholic"
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"then she became a whore,"
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"And she even wrote a Kabbalah children's book."
Chappelle's Show
"(Dave) Oh, here come the Jews."
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"Why don't we take a look downstairs."
Chappelle's Show
"Today, we, the Jewish people take..."
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"Lenny Kravitz."
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"the Jews pick Lenny Kravitz, folks."
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"His mother was on "The Jeffersons,""
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"a pivotal show in black culture."
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"And his father, a Jew, was her lawyer."
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"Heh, couldn't make that up."
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"Well, Lenny is all Jewish now."
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"Unfortunately, Lenny can't make it here to accept."
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"He's in Miami Beach."
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"Miami Beach?"
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"Well, he must have gotten that news about being Jewish early."
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"Ha ha ha..."
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"Why don't we all take an escucha to their pick."
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"We, the Latinos, choose..."
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"Elian Gonzalez."
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"We wanted to do this before the white people"
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"again."
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"(loud cheering)"
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"Okay..."
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"guess who's turn it is?"
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"White people."
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"Let's see what direction they go in."
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"Halle Berry is still available,"
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"as is Mariah Carey's crazy ass."
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"that's very mature, Rondell."
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"(clears throat) Pardon me."
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"Hey, will you cut the malarkey?"
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"Okay, I'm talking."
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"There's a white man talking up here!"
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"Silencio!"
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"(booing continues)"
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"We, the White Delegation,"
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"are very proud to announce our pick this year,"
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"Colin Powell!"
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"What?"
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"Colin Powell is not white."
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"He's not even an eighth white."
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"He's 100% black."
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"Last I heard."
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"Wow, I gotta wonder how the blacks"
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"accept the White Delegation's offer to draft Colin Powell,"
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"on the condition that they also accept Condoleezza Rice"
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"as a part of the deal."
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"By the power invested in me, by white people everywhere"
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"we accept."
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"You got yourself a goddamn deal."
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"(cheering)"
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"The Black Delegation requests Eminem."
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"Wait a goddamn minute, Rondell,"
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"I'm hustling, baby."
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"You're talking to the ultimate hustler."
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"I tell you what."
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"Let's make all things fair, we keep Eminem..."
Chappelle's Show
"you get O.J. Simpson."
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"Yeah!"
Chappelle's Show
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