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Clips from Chappelle's Show - Episode #2.1 (S02E02)

"You know, this Bloomberg guy has messed everything up!"
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"Cigarettes are $8 a pack!"
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"And then once you buy a pack,"
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"you can't even smoke inside."
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"I can't stand it anymore."
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"(woman) Whoo!"
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"That's right!"
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"I have no choice but to fight,"
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"That's right, it's in my genes to dissent."
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"I'll show you a tape of my history."
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"Damn, Bloomberg is fucking up."
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"Man, Carter is fucking up."
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"Damn, Truman is fucking up."
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"Man, Lincoln is fucking up."
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"Son, white folks in general is fucking up."
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"Man, the Chief's fucking up."
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"Hey, y'all, look."
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"It's a boat with some white people on it."
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"Y'all wait here, I'm gonna see what they want."
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"Man..."
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"I fucked up."
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""Dave, if everybody else is messing up so bad,"
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"what you think, you can do better?""
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"That's why I'm gonna run for mayor or something."
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"That's right."
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"(applause & cheering)"
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"Maybe governor or something else,"
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"you never know."
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"and I'll show it to you right now."
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"This is my first campaign ad, it'll be on the air soon."
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"Although America is the greatest nation in the world,"
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"we still face many modern problems."
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"And modern problems require modern solutions."
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"Health care is in shambles."
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"Medicaid doesn't work,"
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"and the insurance industry"
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"has made medicine virtually unaffordable."
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"Meanwhile, our neighbors in Canada"
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"have free health care for all their citizens."
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"So what am I suggesting?"
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"Fake Canadian ID cards for all Americans."
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"If you get sick,"
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"run on up to Canada and get yourself checked out."
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"I'm Dave Chappelle,"
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"We're gonna take a quick commercial break."
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"Www!"
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"Although America is the greatest nation in the world,"
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"we still face many modern problems."
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"And modern problems require modern solutions."
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"Teen pregnancy is a huge problem in this country."
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"My solution?"
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"And make sure you rub them both with mayonnaise"
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"to accentuate the sound of their old flesh flapping together."
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"This powerful image is sure to be a deterrent"
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"that the children will never forget."
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"I'm Dave Chappelle,"
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"You know, folks,"
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"a lot of rappers have been asking me to be in their videos."
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"Which is nice,"
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"but they always want me to do dumb stuff."
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"Like, I'll be like, "what I gotta do, Snoop?""
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""Okay, here it is, Dave, it's a club scene"
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""Now, you rolling around, got dookie all over you."
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""And then here I come with my gators on."
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""My now and later gators step over ya."
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"It's like-hold up, nigga,"
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"why can't I be the one in slow motion?!"
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"here's a tape of me doing my laundry."
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"Hey, how you doing, Mrs. Kim?"
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"Nothing funny about that."
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"But why don't we see me do my laundry..."
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"("Enigma - Sadeness" playing)"
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"(audience laughing)"
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"(audience laughing)"
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"(cheers & applause)"
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"All right..."
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"I like it in videos, whenever you see a club scene"
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"club scene is always in slow motion."
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"You know why?"
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"'Cause it's gotta be."
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"'Cause it sucks to be in a club in regular life."
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"Check it out,"
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"this is what it looks like to be at a club normally."
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"Hey, come on, man!"
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"The robot?"
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"Oh!"
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"He's so corny!"
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"Terrible, terrible what they did to me."
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"Why don't we take a look at that in slow motion, though."
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"(techno music)"
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"(audience laughing)"
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"(audience laughing)"
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"(audience laughing & applauding)"
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"(slow motion) I wanna suck your..."
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"(audience laughing)"
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"(heat beating in slow motion)"
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"(audience laughing)"
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"(slow motion) Me so horny..."
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"(cheers & applause)"
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"Much better."
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"That was much better."
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"Of course, we gotta remember this concept"
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"is not across the board."
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"just most things."
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"Like, for instance,"
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"It happens."
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"(farts)"
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"(Dave) Oh, ho ho..."
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"Let's see that same shit in slow motion."
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"(loud gurgle)"
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"(explosion)"
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"(cheers & applause)"
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"I seen R. Kelly in a Chicago."
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"He was mad at me."
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""There ain't no punch line to that,"
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""that thing is mad."
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"How you gonna make a video about peeing on somebody?""
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"Nigga, how you gonna make a video about peeing on somebody?"
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"for some more Chappelle's Show."
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"Welcome back to Chappelle's Show."
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