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Clips from Chappelle's Show - Episode #2.1 (S02E02)

"Samuel Jackson, made painstakingly by me,"
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"You'll be fuckin' fat girls in no time!"
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"Mmm-mmm, bitch!"
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"Huh?!"
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"No, I can't stop yelling, 'cause that's how I talk!"
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"Drink, bitch!"
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"Samuel Jackson, it's my beer!"
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"Oh, that's right!"
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"That's right!"
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"We don't have that much time."
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"Thank you."
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"Yes, ladies and gentlemen,"
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"he is the mayor of this great city of New York."
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"That's crack prices!"
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"People gonna be sucking dicks for cigarettes soon!"
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"It's ridiculous."
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"I can't stand it, I'm fighting!"
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"It's in my blood."
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"I'm a genetic dissenter."
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"Shhh, they coming."
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"Yes, I do."
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"and I want to represent you."
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"We'll be right back with more Chappelle's Show."
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"(man) Chappelle's Show."
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"Now, what we need are more programs in place"
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"that promote abstinence."
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"Have every high school principal"
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"in front of the students."
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"Goddamn, that's gross."
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""and like, you was dancing and you slip on a banana peel"
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"Everything looks better in slow motion."
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"This is the truth."
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"For instance,"
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"in slow motion."
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"(audience laughing & applauding)"
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"(audience laughing & applauding)"
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"You make me sick."
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"(all gasping)"
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"Sorry about..."
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"(audience laughing & applauding)"
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"(man in audience) Yeah!"
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"It doesn't work with everything,"
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"here's a tape of me taking a shit."
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"Pretty disgusting."
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"People be mad about it, like, R. Kelly,"
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"And on that note,"
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"about which half of Tiger Woods is hitting the ball so good."
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"We've gotta stop arguing about who was what."
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"and maybe only Racial Draft here in New York City."
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"the blacks have actually won the first pick."
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"Well, the black representative"
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"We of the Black Delegation..."
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"The richest and most dominant athlete in the world."
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"(Dave) There's no question about that, Rob."
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"he's had death threats, and he dates a white woman."
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"I've been so confused if I'm half Asian,"
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"Ha ha."
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"Wow, in a surprise move"
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"He's actually half-black and half-Jewish."
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"(Dave) All right, the Latins are up now."
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"I don't understand that one."
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"try to adopt him as one of their own..."
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"(coughing) Cracker..."
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"Thank you all, (booing) Good afternoon."
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"Excuse me."
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"Thank you... damn it."
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"are gonna be taking this one."
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"that's not part of the bargain."
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"All right, well, no hustling me."
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"A first round absolutely chock full of surprises."
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"the RZA, the GZA, U-God"
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"(Dave) Oh, my God!"
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"Oh, my God!"
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"And konichiwa, bitches."
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"But don't go nowhere,"
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"and I'd like to thank everybody at home for watching."
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"And hopefully I'll see you next week."
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"(cheers & applause)"
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"How's it taste, motherfucker?!"
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"Chappelle's Show. Chappelle's Show."
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"Chappelle's Show."
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"Oww."
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"Woo-hoo-hoo."
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"Woo-hoo."
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"Yeah, yeah."
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"Let's start the show."
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"What'll it be, guys?"
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"I'll have a scotch on the rocks."
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"I'll have a Samuel Adams."
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"I'll have a Samuel Jackson."
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"You know something?"
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"I'll have a Samuel Jackson, too."
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"Me three."
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"(all laughing)"
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"Three Samuel Jackson's coming right up."
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"Good motherfuckin' choice, motherfucker."
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"Samuel L. Jackson."
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"It'll get you drunk!"
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"You might even fight a nigga' or two!"
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"How's it taste, motherfucka'?"
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"Can you stop yelling at me, please?"
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"You ain't never seen my movies?!"
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""Juice," that was a good one!"
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""Deep Blue Sea!""
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"They ate me, a fucking shark ate me!"
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""Jurassic Park!""
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""Yes, they deserved to die"
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"and I hope they burn in hell!""
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"(man) Dave Chappelle...!"
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"(cheers & applause)"
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"Hey!"
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"That's right."
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"Welcome back... ohh."
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"Come on, now, calm down."
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"you are seeing correctly, I am smoking on television."
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"I am smoking indoors, you know why?"
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"Because I didn't vote for Bloomberg."
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"Those of you across the nation who don't know who Bloomberg is,"
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"I'm fighting!"
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"Somebody's got to do it."
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