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Clips from Schitt's Creek (2015) - The Roast (S05E05)

"Okay, Alexis, I appreciate your creative problem solving,"
Schitt's Creek (2015)
"But. you know, I-I wouldn't stay if I didn't feel"
Schitt's Creek (2015)
"like it was... it was the right choice for me."
Schitt's Creek (2015)
"Babe, are you sure?"
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"- Yes. - But are you sure, sure?"
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"Because I don't want you to not go like, just because of me."
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"Okay Alexis, that's exactly what's happening,"
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"but it's fine, okay?"
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"And I told you that it's fine, so it's-it's fine!"
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"- Okay. - Okay."
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"Okay... so we're all good, then."
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"That was a good talk for everyone."
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"You know what I am gonna do?"
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"I'm gonna do those dishes."
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"Babe, do you have a dishwasher?"
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"Okay, I'm just gonna... I'm gonna figure it out then."
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"Okay."
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"What? Me? Oh."
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"Sorry, you know those days where you're just like,"
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"- super in love? - Hmm, not really."
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"You will. Anyway, I'm just thinking about Ted and me."
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"Aww!"
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"Yeah. I just feel so lucky to be with someone"
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"who would do anything for me."
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"Like, I just found out that he got this crazy job opportunity,"
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"and he's turning it down just to be with me."
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"He was ten people picked out of like, ten thousand."
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"Oh my God, and he's not going?"
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"No, I think his perspective"
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"was that there would be other opportunities."
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"Still, that must be totally heartbreaking for him."
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"at that whole give and take thing."
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"Like, he gives me so much,"
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"all the time as well."
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"Totally."
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"But also, he never really asks me to,"
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"so that's hard for me to do for him."
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"Not technically."
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"Okay."
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"One day I hope I find a guy like Ted."
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"Someone who would literally put all their hopes and dreams"
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"Yeah. Thanks for the chat, Twy."
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"You're like my little fairy godmother,"
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"if she wore an apron, and Celine Dion's perfume."
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"Oh, so I've got a lot of good material here,"
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"I just need some help sifting out the gold."
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"I still don't see why you dragged us into this."
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"Well, you can be a tough audience, Ronnie."
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"- What's that supposed to mean? - See?"
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"That's what I'm looking for, honest reactions."
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"Well, I've been honestly reacting quite strongly"
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"to your aftershave."
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"Not the most helpful feedback, Bob."
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"Look, now that you've trapped us here, just..."
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"What-what do you got, Johnny?"
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"Okay, here we go."
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"Well, it's 1791, and three explorers have landed..."
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"Next."
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"I was flipping through the phone book the other day, and..."
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"Well, you're not even letting me"
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"get to the punchlines, Ronnie."
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"Johnny, you need a search and rescue team"
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"to find the punchlines for those setups."
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"Ah! Top ten things you don't want Roland"
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"- to be in charge of... - Ten too many."
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"Like Roland in the bedroom."
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"Now, that, that one kills every year."
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"Oh no, I love that one, is that one up for grabs?"
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"No. You've gotta go for the jugular,"
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"Just stay away from spouses, kids, and health,"
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"and you'll be fine."
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"Now, if you'll excuse me,"
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"I gotta get back to work, which, up until now,"
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"was the most boring part of my day."
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"Well, I'd love to use that Roland in the bedroom joke."
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"Fine, but I have a feeling it ain't gonna help you."
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"Man, when she's on fire, look out!"
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"Well, you haven't seen me on fire, Bob."
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"That note you had about including my name"
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"on the poster as a sales tool,"
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"Well, your name was already on the all mock-ups,"
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"so it was really more of an observation."
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"That reminds me, I must pop by the rehearsal space,"
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"Jocelyn said some color samples were dropped off today."
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"Okay yeah, I... hmm."
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"I don't know if-I don't know if I need to see color samples,"
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"you just showed me all the mock-ups."
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"But the printers require my sign-off first thing, David."
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"Well, it's-it's late, I mean, it's..."
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"over there alone at this hour?"
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"Okay David, no more "True Crime TV""
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"I refuse to buy you another night-light!"
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"Okay, well why don't I just pick them up for you, then?"
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"Ah!"
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"Hey, be careful!"
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"♪ And you freeze in the winter and curse through the wind ♪"
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"♪ And your fate when you haven't any shoes on your feet ♪"
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"♪ And your coat's thin as paper ♪"
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"♪ And you look 30 pounds underweight ♪"
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"♪ When you go to get a word"
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"♪ At the window..."
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"- ♪ At the window! - ♪ Who's there?"
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"- ♪ Hunger! - ♪ Ooh, hunger!"
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"♪ See how love flies out the door ♪"
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"♪ Money makes the world go round ♪"
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"♪ The world go round the world... ♪"
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"♪ Money makes the world go round ♪"
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"♪ The clinking clanking sound of... ♪"
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"♪ Money money money money money money money money ♪"
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"♪ A mark, a yen, a buck, or a pound ♪"
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"♪ Clinking clanking clunking sound ♪"
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"♪ It's all that makes the world go round ♪"
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"♪ Makes the world go round!"
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"- Oh my God. - Ahem."
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"David, what are you doing here?"
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"I have questions."
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"Mrs. Rose, this is Derek."
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"He's been just helping us"
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"practice the steps to the number."
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"And how long have you all been moonlighting?"
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