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Clips from How I Met Your Mother - Slapsgiving 3: Slappointment in Slapmarra (S09E09)

"...to stop wasting my time."
How I Met Your Mother
"Hold that thought, I just wanna see if I can fix this."
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"The slap of 10 million exploding suns!"
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"Whoops."
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"[CHUCKLES]"
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"Agh. Pfft!"
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"Relax, I'm not gonna slap you right now."
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"When I slap you, it shall be beneath a willow tree next to four women and a tiger."
How I Met Your Mother
"A willow tree, four women and a tiger? What are you talking about?"
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"You were totally silent just now."
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"But Marshall just said that. What is going on?"
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"Wait, it's fake."
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"That's a prop jukebox designed just to mess with me."
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"Marshall, that jukebox cost 8 grand."
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"I have much gold."
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"Huh. That is much."
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"You got lucky, Eriksen."
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"I don't like this."
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"I thought nothing I said or did could intimidate you anymore."
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"That's right, it can't."
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"Aah!"
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"Itch. Look, if you're really nervous..."
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"...don't think of it as a slap, think of it as a high-five."
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"So anyway, I'm in the noodle house."
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"I'll admit, I didn't expect Red Bird, master of speed, to be a girl."
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"Wait, how did you...?"
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"Lucky shot, I wasn't ready..."
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"[WHOOSH]"
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"[WHOOSHING]"
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"Train me, Red Bird."
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"- Teach me speed. - No."
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"I retired long ago."
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"- Retired? You're like 32. - I am 86 years old."
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"But slapping is now a part of my past."
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"Darn, I really wanted to slap Barney Stinson."
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"This is to slap Barney Stinson? Yeah, okay, I'll totally teach you."
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"MARSHALL: And so began my training."
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"Slap this tree."
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"- Slap the tree? - Lf you can."
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"I mean..."
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"...seems pretty easy."
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"Oof!"
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"What the?"
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"The fabled Slapping Tree of Gongqing Forest."
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"Beg your pardon, the fabled Slapping Tree of Gongqing Forest?"
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"- Sure. - Really? Fabled?"
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"- Because I've never heard of it. - Pretty sure everybody's heard of it. Guys?"
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"- I backpacked there in college. - See? Fabled."
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"It even inspired a popular Chinese children's book."
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"It's a poignant parable whose message is if you love someone, set them free."
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"But not before first slapping them right in their stupid face."
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"As my training continued..."
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"- A year. - One year?"
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"None of us noticed you were stuck in Shanghai for a year?"
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"I wasn't being held slaptive, I chose to stay and complete my training."
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"I'm not even gonna... Just, whatever."
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"You have shown great slaptitude, young one."
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"You are ready for your final test."
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"Slap me."
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"- No, Red Bird, I can't. - Slap me. That is not a request."
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"- I won't. - The Vikings will never win the Super B..."
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"Wait, how did you...?"
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"You are ready for your final step."
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"[WHOOSHING]"
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"What? What did I say?"
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"The consequences could be dire."
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"First you must meet White Flower, the second master, who will teach you strength."
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"She lives atop a mountain."
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"Not Witch Mountain."
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"Slap Mountain."
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"- Hate to cut in again, but Slap Mountain? - That's right."
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"You're claiming there's a mountain in China in the exact shape of a hand?"
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"- Everyone knows that. Right? - Totally."
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"I backpacked there in college."
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"It's the largest of the Slappalachian Mountains."
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"Excuse me. Do you know where I can find White Flower?"
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"That is the most feared name in 40 villages."
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"Really? White Flower?"
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"- I'm sorry, just it's not exactly Voldemort. - Bro."
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"Why don't you just say Candyman three times and be done with it? Jeez."
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"[FLY BUZZING]"
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"Awesome. Can you teach me how to do that?"
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"No, I retired from teaching long ago."
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"What is in these noodles?"
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"I'm sorry, but my slapping days are over."
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"Darn, I really wanted this next Barney Stinson slap to be special."
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"This is to slap Barney Stinson? Yeah, okay, I'll totally teach you."
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"The true power of any slap comes from the anger behind it."
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"So for a truly devastating slap, you must harvest the anger of many."
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"Every time someone who hates Barney slaps you in the face..."
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"...the power of their anger goes from your face into your hand."
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"- In the forest? - In Gongqing Forest, yes."
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"Actually, right near the Slapping Tree."
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"Which may or may not have come into play."
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"Oh, my God, you had a tree-way?"
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"And, Lily, you were okay with Marshall having an affair?"
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"What happens in the magical Gongqing Forest..."
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"...stays in the magical Gongqing Forest. - Best wife ever."
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"Now dig deep. Can you think of anyone, anyone at all, who hates Barney Stinson?"
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"[BOTH LAUGHING]"
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"I know, I almost couldn't get through it with a straight face."
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"There are just so many people who hate Barney's guts."
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"Moving on."
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"Ah! Ah."
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"Point is you need to go get slapped in the face..."
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"...by a bunch of gullible chicks Barney banged."
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"I'm sorry, I thought you said you were a friend of Barney Stinson."
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"- I did. - Oh."
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"Could you also slap me in the face?"
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"God, you're just as perverted as Barney."
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"Oh!"
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"MARSHALL: And after a while..."
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"Look at this thing. It's all hot and glowy."
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"I'll never have cold pizza again."
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"I'll never have cold pizza again."
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"Silence."
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"Sorry. I've just got a slappetite for destruction. Thanks for everything."
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"I'm gonna go slap Barney Stinson in his stupid face."
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"Wait, first you must go learn accuracy from the one who is called The Calligrapher..."
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"...in the far-off, mystical land of Cleveland."
How I Met Your Mother
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