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Clips from How I Met Your Mother - Slapsgiving 3: Slappointment in Slapmarra (S09E09)

"- Cleveland? - Cleveland."
How I Met Your Mother
"Why Cleveland?"
How I Met Your Mother
"It's the city equivalent of being slapped in the face."
How I Met Your Mother
"Bro."
How I Met Your Mother
"Man, is this place a chain or something?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- One for dinner? - No."
How I Met Your Mother
"I am here to meet her."
How I Met Your Mother
"Bro."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Can you teach me accuracy? - I can."
How I Met Your Mother
"Grammar is the first step on the thousand-mile journey to accuracy."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm assuming there's no Mrs. The Calligrapher."
How I Met Your Mother
"The path I've chosen is Ionesome."
How I Met Your Mother
"But it's no big deal. I prefer being alone. I really do."
How I Met Your Mother
"Unless you know any single ladies you could set me up with..."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Nope. - Good, because I prefer being alone."
How I Met Your Mother
"Also, I'm sorry, but I retired from teaching long ago."
How I Met Your Mother
"Retired? You're like 35."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Oh, sorry. - I use moisturizer every night."
How I Met Your Mother
"- I thought my skin still looked vibrant. - It does, it does."
How I Met Your Mother
"Look, I'm really just here to finish my training."
How I Met Your Mother
"Um, so look, the truth is..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Now, I wouldn't call Janice easy on the eyes..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...or the springs of a bathroom scale..."
How I Met Your Mother
"[GAGGING]"
How I Met Your Mother
"He was dying right before my eyes."
How I Met Your Mother
"So I did the only thing that I could think to do."
How I Met Your Mother
"MARSHALL: I slapped his back."
How I Met Your Mother
"And that's when I found out why "no slapping until your training is complete"..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...is the most important rule, because my slap..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...was too powerful."
How I Met Your Mother
"I hadn't learned accuracy and so I couldn't control it."
How I Met Your Mother
"And, well..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Stop it. Just stop."
How I Met Your Mother
"You did not slap the heart out of a man's body."
How I Met Your Mother
"If only that were true."
How I Met Your Mother
"You're saying that you committed a murder?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- I was trying to save him. - Shh!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Baby, it's okay, you didn't mean to. He doesn't sleep."
How I Met Your Mother
"- You gotta move on. - You're making this whole story up."
How I Met Your Mother
"I wish that I were."
How I Met Your Mother
"Because of the tragedy, I never got to finish my training. I never learned accuracy."
How I Met Your Mother
"Because of that, I shall remain forever..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...a mere slapprentice."
How I Met Your Mother
"What does that mean, baby?"
How I Met Your Mother
"TED: Here's what it meant."
How I Met Your Mother
"Whoa!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Please, somebody, help me!"
How I Met Your Mother
"There's a crazy guy trying to slap me and he's..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, my God."
How I Met Your Mother
"Four women and a willow tree."
How I Met Your Mother
"At least there's no tiger."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, my God."
How I Met Your Mother
"...half a tiger?"
How I Met Your Mother
"You got here early."
How I Met Your Mother
"[YELLING]"
How I Met Your Mother
"- It's time. - But you never completed your training."
How I Met Your Mother
"Listen to me, I must speak fast. Once you've had your heart slapped out of your body..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...you've only got 10, 15 minutes to live. - Sure."
How I Met Your Mother
"The trick to accuracy is to, like, try to be really accurate, okay?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Look where you're slapping. That's important."
How I Met Your Mother
"Well, I guess that's pretty much it. You can slap people now. Unh!"
How I Met Your Mother
"- He's gone. - One other thing."
How I Met Your Mother
"Cleveland has a lot to offer."
How I Met Your Mother
"Be sure to check out the James A. Garfield monument."
How I Met Your Mother
"He was only president for four months before he was assassinated."
How I Met Your Mother
"But if you get up to the top, you can see almost 30 miles..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...as long as the steel factory's not smelting. Ugh!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Agh!"
How I Met Your Mother
"He's gone."
How I Met Your Mother
"No, like I said, 10, 15 minutes."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Oh, God, this is awkward. - Yeah."
How I Met Your Mother
"Like when you say goodbye to someone..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...then you realize you're both headed in the same direction."
How I Met Your Mother
"It's like, "What, do we say goodbye again or...?" Unh."
How I Met Your Mother
"Agh!"
How I Met Your Mother
"He's gone."
How I Met Your Mother
"Wait, are you just pretending so it'll be less awkward?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Should I just, like, go or?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Okay."
How I Met Your Mother
"My training is complete."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm ready."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm ready too."
How I Met Your Mother
"No."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oof!"
How I Met Your Mother
"ALL: Whoa!"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Good one, you got me that time. - Hey, only one slap left."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Crazy. Where did the time go. - I know, it's like, slow down, life."
How I Met Your Mother
"[ALL LAUGH]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Hey, was that a fake jukebox?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Yeah, fake jukebox. - Nice, nice."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Oh, man. - All right."
How I Met Your Mother
"Ladies and gentlemen, Boyz II Men."
How I Met Your Mother
"[ALL HUMMING]"
How I Met Your Mother
"You feel the blood rush to your cheek"
How I Met Your Mother
"Your lips are trembling but you can't speak"
How I Met Your Mother
"You're trying, oh you're trying Not to cry"
How I Met Your Mother
"- You just got slapped, oh - Slapped"
How I Met Your Mother
"Across the face, my friend"
How I Met Your Mother
"And everybody laughed and clapped"
How I Met Your Mother
"Everybody saw it, ow"
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, oh"
How I Met Your Mother
"The way that you just got slapped"
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, yeah"
How I Met Your Mother
"Lucky shot, I wasn't re..."
How I Met Your Mother
"You must not slap anyone until your training is complete."
How I Met Your Mother
"And then try to slap that spot instead of some other spot."
How I Met Your Mother
"- You just got slapped, oh, yes - Just got slapped"
How I Met Your Mother
"[ALL GASP]"
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"Strength."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm a friend of Barney Stinson... Ugh."
How I Met Your Mother
"And everybody laughed and clapped"
How I Met Your Mother
"- It really just happened - Oh, yes, it did"
How I Met Your Mother
"How did you do that to the jukebox?"
How I Met Your Mother
"How dare you speak that name?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Please."
How I Met Your Mother