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Clips from Mum - December (S01E01)

"- Reg! - Not hard. Just a little whack."
Mum
"- You all right, darling? - Yes."
Mum
"Just a drop, Cathy. Don't go mad."
Mum
"Yes, we've heard! Thank you."
Mum
"And I sure would like some sweet company"
Mum
"You're gonna miss me when I'm gone"
Mum
"You're gonna miss me when I'm gone"
Mum
"The one with the prettiest view"
Mum
"It's got woods that'll give you shivers"
Mum
"- When I'm gone - When I'm gone"
Mum
"You're gonna miss me when I'm gone."
Mum
"I can't believe I've upset her."
Mum
"Yeah. They're little angels. - Yeah. - Mm."
Mum
"I've just been texting my friend, Mary?"
Mum
"The one I met from carol-singing?"
Mum
"- Have you read it? - Not really."
Mum
"Poor Jesus."
Mum
"- I want to hear about this budgie. - No, Reg. He's a helicopter."
Mum
"My God, she's clever."
Mum
"So, how was Christmas?"
Mum
"Had nothing to do with anything that anyone was saying about anything."
Mum
"Me and Geoff's New Year's Eve parties were legendary."
Mum
"Sorry, I'm just trying to think where I've put that little card"
Mum
"I'll be able to afford 34 swimming pools."
Mum
"I'm sure they're all texting you, sweetie, wondering where you are."
Mum
"Er..."
Mum
"The smallest one you've got."
Mum
"Just some bits and pieces for the family."
Mum
"- Right, I'd better... - Yeah."
Mum
"Hey, Michael, do you know where the tea's kept?"
Mum
"Good. They'll like that."
Mum
"Very nice."
Mum
"from Gdansk and we just used to ring a bell and she'd get us things."
Mum
"in the morning and tell me how bad it was without me"
Mum
"Yeah."
Mum
"- Kelly! Debbie's here! - And Ryan."
Mum
"Then just flick on the switch, make myself a cup of tea..."
Mum
"Packed her bags for her, got Priority Boarding,"
Mum
"It was warmer in the sea, but she wouldn't get in."
Mum
"- You all right, love? - Yeah..."
Mum
"You just called me Kell."
Mum
"Oh, Kelly..."
Mum
"I don't think they liked me, you know."
Mum
"They're all, like, so conventional."
Mum
"My friend Mary from carol-singing, she's 89."
Mum
"No, you do. Honestly. I'm not just saying that."
Mum
"- Yeah, babe! - You're kidding me."
Mum
"- I can't believe you just said that, babe. - Oh, my God, you're kidding me!"
Mum
"So it's basically like buying two coats for the price of one."
Mum
"Erm... No. Not really."
Mum
"And there's not a bad bone in her body"
Mum
"I can't make her move there, can I?"
Mum
"and we could go Australia for, like, a month or something."
Mum
"She'll never notice."
Mum
"I thought you'd given up."
Mum
"Yeah."
Mum
"Not my type."
Mum
"Oh, so you've got a type, have you?"
Mum
"I've been trying to give you this."
Mum
"Oh!"
Mum
"Oh, I tried my best."
Mum
"Aww!"
Mum
"It's your face, it's funny."
Mum
"Oohhh..."
Mum
"But I think I'm... I think I'm more of an arsehole."
Mum
"- Oh, yeah, I can see that. - Can you? - Yeah, yeah, yeah."
Mum
"Hello, everyone."
Mum
"Michael! Michael! It's nearly midnight!"
Mum
"Big Ben! Shush!"
Mum
"two, one!"
Mum
"You're gonna miss me when I'm gone"
Mum
"Are they OK?"
Mum
"OK... They're shouting in the street."
Mum
"At least someone's having a worse New Year's Eve than me."
Mum
"- Pauline... - What's going on? - Jason and Kelly are having an argument."
Mum
"They were meant to be seeing the new year in at the pub,"
Mum
"- but they've come home. - I don't know why he doesn't just thump her."
Mum
"- Just enough to shut her up. - Reg, stop it, that's awful."
Mum
"- Well... - If it was up to me,"
Mum
"I tell you now, Cathy, I'd love to have sex with a black man."
Mum
"That's got nothing to do with anything anyone's talking about."
Mum
"I would. I'd relish the opportunity."
Mum
"No, Maureen, it's Jason and Kelly. They're outside having an argument."
Mum
"- Yeah, I know! - We're not talking about sex!"
Mum
"- I am! - Kelly's mum's here. - Oh, she's not, is she?"
Mum
"- Do you think you might be more comfortable on the sofa? - I'm fine."
Mum
"- Or a nice Jew. - How much have you drunk?"
Mum
"Well, I'm just saying, before I die I'd like to have sex"
Mum
"- with a black man and a Jew! - It's Jason and Kelly!"
Mum
"- Yeah, I know! - We're not talking about black people or Jewish people"
Mum
"- or anything like that! - I know!"
Mum
"- But I've never had sex with one! - Good! You'd eat him alive."
Mum
"- Oh, shut up. - Like the Jews haven't got enough to worry about"
Mum
"- without you trying to sleep with them. - More sherry, Reg?"
Mum
"Are you kidding me?"
Mum
"Why are you having a go at me?"
Mum
"You're being racist."
Mum
"I'm saying I want to make love to them!"
Mum
"Kelly! Come back, I'm only joking. Kell!"
Mum
"Stop being a drama queen!"
Mum
"Look at the face, Jason! Jason! Look at her stupid face..."
Mum
"- Seriously, babe! - Just tell me what I've said, Kelly!"
Mum
"I got my ticket for the wrong way round"
Mum
"Two bottle whiskey for the way"
Mum
"Oh, I'm leaving tomorrow, what do you say?"
Mum
"- When I'm gone - When I'm gone"
Mum
"You're gonna miss me everywhere"
Mum
"I got my ticket for the long way round"
Mum
"It's got mountains, it's got rivers"
Mum
"But it sure would be prettier with you"
Mum
"The one thing you have to remember about women, Jason,"
Mum
"- is that they are all despicable. - Oh, come on, Grandad."
Mum
"Women are the same as men, if not better."
Mum
"You should see your grandmother in the shower."
Mum
"That'd burst your bubble."
Mum
"What?"
Mum
"I love New Year's Eve."
Mum
"I've been looking forward to it for... Well, for just under a year."
Mum
"And now look at me."
Mum
"Do you want to talk about it, love?"
Mum
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