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Clips from Dr. Ken - Ken Tries Standup (S01E01)

"I don't think so, Al."
Dr. Ken
"But I've always had this idea that I could get up there"
Dr. Ken
"and do it, but... if I can't, then the dream is gone."
Dr. Ken
"That'd be pretty cool, Allison."
Dr. Ken
"You know what? I think I'm gonna do it."
Dr. Ken
"Yeah, you are!"
Dr. Ken
"Oh, so exciting."
Dr. Ken
"Wait, you sure you don't want to call your daddy first"
Dr. Ken
"Oh, oh, so was I."
Dr. Ken
"Molly, do you happen to know where I can find any steroids?"
Dr. Ken
"What?"
Dr. Ken
"Zero push-ups is hard enough, but one is impossible."
Dr. Ken
""Well, you'll get there," she said, not meaning it at all."
Dr. Ken
"Wait, can you train me?"
Dr. Ken
"You'll never be able to do either of them."
Dr. Ken
"about the fake I.D. I saw in your purse."
Dr. Ken
"You're bluffing."
Dr. Ken
"It's Burkowitz, okay?"
Dr. Ken
"If I'm gonna help you, get my name right."
Dr. Ken
"Hey, guys."
Dr. Ken
"Finally spend some quality time with us?"
Dr. Ken
"Something purely for you that inflates your ego?"
Dr. Ken
"Your dad's gonna prove he's not just funny around the house."
Dr. Ken
"Like when he slammed the cabinet door on his thumb."
Dr. Ken
"Yeah."
Dr. Ken
"Okay, you know what?"
Dr. Ken
"Just for that, neither of you are going."
Dr. Ken
"Well, they can't go anyway. They're not 21."
Dr. Ken
"Yeah, and it's not like either of us"
Dr. Ken
"has a fake I.D. in our purse."
Dr. Ken
"Let's get out of here."
Dr. Ken
"Stop right there, young lady."
Dr. Ken
"And just why do you think Dave's so funny?"
Dr. Ken
"Because he got it from you?"
Dr. Ken
"Exactly. Now go have fun."
Dr. Ken
"Oh, finally taking me to dinner for my birthday"
Dr. Ken
"Nope. Anyone else?"
Dr. Ken
"All right, I'll just tell you. Um..."
Dr. Ken
"That's so exciting!"
Dr. Ken
"You're doing an open mike? Well, I don't know."
Dr. Ken
"Based on what I witnessed from you the other night,"
Dr. Ken
"they might want to call it an open grave."
Dr. Ken
"Thanks, Pat."
Dr. Ken
"Oh, he's funny."
Dr. Ken
"I just came up with this one. Okay."
Dr. Ken
"Uh..."
Dr. Ken
"Oh, you see a lot of Asian doctors,"
Dr. Ken
"but I've never seen an Asian veterinarian."
Dr. Ken
"Not gonna happen."
Dr. Ken
""Oh, I'm so sorry."
Dr. Ken
"Your doggie not make it.""
Dr. Ken
"Are you implying that he ate the dog?"
Dr. Ken
"Oh, no, no, no. I'm not implying."
Dr. Ken
"I'm saying he ate the dog."
Dr. Ken
"Okay, that is wildly offensive."
Dr. Ken
"Write this down."
Dr. Ken
"Horrifying."
Dr. Ken
"Laugh Factory? More like Setting Your People Back Factory."
Dr. Ken
"Okay, you guys, this is really constructive feedback."
Dr. Ken
"I've got it now, and I'm gonna run with it."
Dr. Ken
"So thank you. All right. Good."
Dr. Ken
"Actually, if it was a cat instead..."
Dr. Ken
"and those surgeons will be"
Dr. Ken
"Sorry, I've been kind of bingeing on "Game of Thrones.""
Dr. Ken
"put any weight on it, that thing is gonna come crashing down"
Dr. Ken
"Well, Clark, you know,"
Dr. Ken
"we're not up here because of the surgeons."
Dr. Ken
"Pediatrics is using the cafeteria."
Dr. Ken
"n-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!"
Dr. Ken
"You're gonna get that video game!"
Dr. Ken
"Six and... seven push-ups!"
Dr. Ken
"Thanks, Al. Now, listen up, guys."
Dr. Ken
"I was working on some material that I realize might be"
Dr. Ken
"who had to take a half day,"
Dr. Ken
"so I broke out some of the stuff I use"
Dr. Ken
"Same thing they do on their day on."
Dr. Ken
"You know, 'cause they're lazy."
Dr. Ken
"Now that I understand it, I love it!"
Dr. Ken
"Pap smear. Uh..."
Dr. Ken
"Pap smear."
Dr. Ken
"Pap smear campaign."
Dr. Ken
"No, no, no, no. Too political."
Dr. Ken
"I appreciate the offer, Al,"
Dr. Ken
"I meant come to sleep."
Dr. Ken
"It's 2:00 in the morning."
Dr. Ken
"I can't. The open mike's tomorrow,"
Dr. Ken
"Oh, here's something."
Dr. Ken
"Yeah?"
Dr. Ken
"Thanks, Al. That's great."
Dr. Ken
"Yeah. Oh, hello?"
Dr. Ken
"Comedy Hall of Fame?"
Dr. Ken
"Yeah, it's Ken Park. Clear some space."
Dr. Ken
"I got this monster back-up camera bit."
Dr. Ken
"I'm sorry. I'm just freaking out."
Dr. Ken
"I know you, Ken, and if you back out now,"
Dr. Ken
"it'll eat at you for the rest of your life."
Dr. Ken
"And you know what? You can do this."
Dr. Ken
"Just don't over-think it."
Dr. Ken
"That's why I married you."
Dr. Ken
"Thanks, honey."
Dr. Ken
"Just remember what we talked about."
Dr. Ken
"No promises, Mol."
Dr. Ken
"Two!"
Dr. Ken
"Okay, two. Not bad."
Dr. Ken
"One, two, three."
Dr. Ken
"Three to two."
Dr. Ken
"You lose."
Dr. Ken
"Darn. Now I just have to make do"
Dr. Ken
"I am so over "Zombie Pimp.""
Dr. Ken
"I'll give you two video games if you can beat me"
Dr. Ken
"in the 100-yard dash next week."
Dr. Ken
"Seriously? Two video games for 100 yards?"
Dr. Ken
"You're on, sucker!"
Dr. Ken
"I'm gonna go ice my pecs."
Dr. Ken
"Way to trick him, Grandpa."
Dr. Ken
"Not tricking."
Dr. Ken
"Respect."
Dr. Ken
"Now I got to figure out how to train him to run."
Dr. Ken
"He'll be fine."
Dr. Ken
"What are you doing here?"
Dr. Ken
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