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Clips from Dr. Ken - Ken Tries Standup (S01E01)

"I'm taking my business elsewhere."
Dr. Ken
"Absolutely."
Dr. Ken
"You here for a shine?"
Dr. Ken
"Better than being short and ugly."
Dr. Ken
"You know what?"
Dr. Ken
"in between putting toe tags on the rest of your patients."
Dr. Ken
"Hey, why don't you talk that woman you duped"
Dr. Ken
"Ooh, yeah, we'd love to hear your fresh take"
Dr. Ken
"I'm intrigued."
Dr. Ken
"Who are you, friend?"
Dr. Ken
"You know what, guys?"
Dr. Ken
"They're better than us."
Dr. Ken
"Craziest thing I ever seen."
Dr. Ken
"This is ridiculous."
Dr. Ken
"and Damona is going to say something."
Dr. Ken
"Excuse me, hi."
Dr. Ken
"- This soy sauce? - Yeah."
Dr. Ken
"- Sure. - Thank you."
Dr. Ken
"Oh, D.K."
Dr. Ken
"Melon ripe. In season."
Dr. Ken
"Perfect."
Dr. Ken
"but when melon hunger hits, best to have melon."
Dr. Ken
"So wise, Papa."
Dr. Ken
"Well, we got to get to the Laugh Factory."
Dr. Ken
"Mom, Dad, there's this new video game that everyone has."
Dr. Ken
"Fine."
Dr. Ken
"You'll have it by tomorrow."
Dr. Ken
"- No. - No!"
Dr. Ken
"if you can do more push-ups than me by next week."
Dr. Ken
"That's his personal best."
Dr. Ken
"See, Allison? No valet. Not so bad."
Dr. Ken
"and, uh, apparently he is blowing up."
Dr. Ken
"When I go deep, I can tell you a guy's shoe size,"
Dr. Ken
"You'll see him on "Jimmy Kimmel" next week."
Dr. Ken
"You brought your Uber driver, great."
Dr. Ken
"So, I was like,"
Dr. Ken
""All right, well, when do you want to go out?""
Dr. Ken
"Oh, no, no, sorry."
Dr. Ken
"No, no, he was just telling me"
Dr. Ken
"I liked it, though."
Dr. Ken
"Folks, this is actually my buddy Ken from Duke."
Dr. Ken
"You should've seen this guy in college."
Dr. Ken
"You know what? Every year, Ken made Dean's list."
Dr. Ken
"In fact, Ken's major was virginity"
Dr. Ken
"No, it was biochemistry."
Dr. Ken
"of the amazing sex I had with this lady right here."
Dr. Ken
"Yeah, it's come up."
Dr. Ken
"I signed up, but when I told my dad about it,"
Dr. Ken
"he was like "Oh, you no Steven Wright."
Dr. Ken
"Well, there's no reason you can't give it a shot now."
Dr. Ken
"I've gotten pretty cozy with what if."
Dr. Ken
"Or what if you can?"
Dr. Ken
"and ask permission?"
Dr. Ken
"- It's ringing. - I was kidding."
Dr. Ken
"Oh, yeah? If you don't help me, I'll tell Mom and Dad"
Dr. Ken
"Guess what your dad's gonna do Tuesday night."
Dr. Ken
"Oh, so close!"
Dr. Ken
"Oh, Dave, you're so funny."
Dr. Ken
"Oh."
Dr. Ken
"Something completely about yourself"
Dr. Ken
"Oh, you're so close!"
Dr. Ken
"You've been telling us forever how funny you are."
Dr. Ken
"You know, 'cause you're gonna die up there."
Dr. Ken
"- Got it. - Because you are not funny."
Dr. Ken
"Come on, little man. Give us a taste."
Dr. Ken
"Okay. Okay."
Dr. Ken
"Not funny at all."
Dr. Ken
"Aggressively racist."
Dr. Ken
"See, Ken, it's not so hard."
Dr. Ken
"- No! - Oh, my God! No!"
Dr. Ken
"People."
Dr. Ken
"The cafeteria wars will soon be over,"
Dr. Ken
"like a satellite on Damona's grandma."
Dr. Ken
"I thought the balloons would break my fall."
Dr. Ken
"Four, five."
Dr. Ken
"Kids, Dad says he has something"
Dr. Ken
"important to talk to us about."
Dr. Ken
"This affects all of us."
Dr. Ken
"offensive to Asians, animals, and Julie,"
Dr. Ken
"but I'm not feeling it right now."
Dr. Ken
"Um..."
Dr. Ken
"You know how there's a back-up camera on our car?"
Dr. Ken
"Why don't you do something with that?"
Dr. Ken
"And you're gonna be great."
Dr. Ken
"Be yourself."
Dr. Ken
"You're the funniest person I know."
Dr. Ken
"Back-up cameras. Just saying."
Dr. Ken
"Tighten your core, breathe, and try not to poop again."
Dr. Ken
"One!"
Dr. Ken
"Dave, that's a new personal best!"
Dr. Ken
"You're playing with house money now."
Dr. Ken
"Okay, my turn."
Dr. Ken
"with the many violent video games I already own."
Dr. Ken
"Okay, double or nothing."
Dr. Ken
"You all ready, buddy?"
Dr. Ken
"No. But here we go."
Dr. Ken
"Have fun."
Dr. Ken
"Make some noise!"
Dr. Ken
"Um..."
Dr. Ken
"But I've never seen an Asian veterinarian."
Dr. Ken
"Oh, God, no."
Dr. Ken
"wake up tomorrow morning and cradle some scrotums."
Dr. Ken
"And tomorrow's my day off."
Dr. Ken
"Know what I'm saying?"
Dr. Ken
""Gee, Papa, when I grow up,"
Dr. Ken
"I want to be a doctor and save lives.""
Dr. Ken
""No, no. You tell joke!""
Dr. Ken
"It was really easy for me"
Dr. Ken
"It's like my birthright."
Dr. Ken
""Stop! Congratulations. You're in.""
Dr. Ken
"That's it. That's it."
Dr. Ken
"What's that?"
Dr. Ken
"Nah."
Dr. Ken
"You know, you were really good."
Dr. Ken
""No more medicine for me."
Dr. Ken
"and perform at the Funny Bone in El Paso.""
Dr. Ken
"Hey, maybe they'll put you in movies."
Dr. Ken
"That's full-on crazy."
Dr. Ken
""I'm just gonna throw my medical degree in the street.""
Dr. Ken
"Excuse me. I'm looking for Dr. Ken Park."
Dr. Ken
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