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Clips from Scrubs - My Common Enemy (S04E04)

"- Our dad. - Right."
Scrubs
"When Carla and I came home yesterday, we heard something."
Scrubs
"- You hook up in J.D.'s room? - A gentleman wouldn't tell."
Scrubs
"- Did you? - Twice."
Scrubs
"- We didn't go under the sheets. - How thoughtful."
Scrubs
"But I just fired the woman who usually does it."
Scrubs
"You fired Glenda? Why?"
Scrubs
"- Mind if I hold him? - Go right ahead."
Scrubs
"She was stealing from the hospital."
Scrubs
"Look, I'm afraid I wasn't being honest with you before."
Scrubs
"In my job, it seems like I'm always the bad guy."
Scrubs
"Hard as this is to admit, it gets to me sometimes."
Scrubs
"The point is, the anti-depressants I asked you to prescribe"
Scrubs
"weren't for my wife. They were for me."
Scrubs
"Oh, I understand. So, what dosage are you on?"
Scrubs
"- About half a Newton. - No dice."
Scrubs
"- Hey. - Boy, oh, boy,"
Scrubs
"it looks like you pissed off the wrong guy there, crunchy."
Scrubs
"Dr Kelso's all bluster. Underneath I bet he's a sweetheart."
Scrubs
"No, no, underneath it all, he is pure evil."
Scrubs
"Perry, no one's pure evil. Some people have a hard outer shell,"
Scrubs
"There are plenty of people here on this particular planet"
Scrubs
"who are hard on the outside and hard on the inside."
Scrubs
"Lady, people aren't chocolates."
Scrubs
"But I don't find them half as annoying as I find naive bubble-headed optimists"
Scrubs
"I'm touching your creamy centre."
Scrubs
"Oh, I am so very angry"
Scrubs
"that I'm going to find someone to kill just to prove her wrong."
Scrubs
"Why are you acting like that Dan and Elliot thing doesn't bother you?"
Scrubs
"- It doesn't. - You're missing a great opportunity."
Scrubs
"If you act like it bothers you, Elliot will feel guilty,"
Scrubs
"You gotta use this like I use my diabetes. Watch."
Scrubs
"Honey, my blood sugar's dipping."
Scrubs
"Don't move."
Scrubs
"Oh, my God. This could be my diabetes."
Scrubs
"Exactly, but you gotta use it before that window closes."
Scrubs
"Lucky for me, my diabetes window stays open 24l7."
Scrubs
"Unless, God forbid, they find a cure."
Scrubs
"Bye, folks."
Scrubs
"You'll notice I knocked $100 off the bill"
Scrubs
"because of the, you know, baby stealing thing."
Scrubs
"Thanks for the loaner scooter."
Scrubs
"I want to talk to you. Can you turn that thing off?"
Scrubs
"Sorry."
Scrubs
"Sorry!"
Scrubs
"When I caught you two yesterday,"
Scrubs
"I didn't know what to say, but now I do."
Scrubs
"You really hurt me."
Scrubs
"Okey-dokey."
Scrubs
"J.D., are you really this upset?"
Scrubs
"I just didn't think I was doing anything wrong."
Scrubs
"I really want to look back and see if it landed,"
Scrubs
"Oh, it landed."
Scrubs
"Uh-oh. It's payback time."
Scrubs
"It's my old Spanish-to-English dictionary."
Scrubs
"I don't need it anymore. I've mastered the language."
Scrubs
"You're welcome-o."
Scrubs
"You were right. Payback's a bitch."
Scrubs
"Baby, check this out."
Scrubs
"My baby's an administrative supervisor!"
Scrubs
"I'd love to, but my diabetes is acting up."
Scrubs
"Not now, Perry. I'm swamped."
Scrubs
"Bob, do you realise what you did by giving blondie that book?"
Scrubs
"Thanks to your little gesture,"
Scrubs
"who deep down are filled with kindness and caring."
Scrubs
"People are bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling."
Scrubs
"Exactly."
Scrubs
"since Enid got off anti-depressants."
Scrubs
"Dude, your idea totally worked."
Scrubs
"Oh, God! It hurts so bad!"
Scrubs
"You can stop now. She's gone."
Scrubs
"There's nothing more satisfying than having a good plan."
Scrubs
"- Good night, amigos. - 'Night."
Scrubs
"Sometimes a plan can crystallise in a moment."
Scrubs
"And sometimes a plan can fall apart just as quickly."
Scrubs
"- I turned it down. - What?"
Scrubs
"I think you need me more."
Scrubs
"Elliot dumped me."
Scrubs
"Don't you think you're overreacting?"
Scrubs
"That's not even the right gibberish."
Scrubs
"Elliot and I were supposed to have our romantic evening."
Scrubs
"Look at all this stuff I bought. Candles, champagne, a Dido CD."
Scrubs
"I guess I'll just throw these things out with the rest of the garbage."
Scrubs
"Oh, come on. Don't go. We can watch Kangaroo Jack"
Scrubs
"and chug a Fosters every time they say "g'day.""
Scrubs
"- G'day, J.D. - Dan!"
Scrubs
"- You OK? - No."
Scrubs
"Why are you whistling, Ted? Your life is pathetic."
Scrubs
"Right."
Scrubs
"I prefer an environment where subjects end up crushing themselves."
Scrubs
"I like to pick one person and torment them relentlessly for no reason."
Scrubs
"You can't go to your mom's wedding."
Scrubs
"and I don't like shift switching. It's too hard to say."
Scrubs
"That wasn't very soft and creamy."
Scrubs
"It's OK. He has a hospital to run. I understand."
Scrubs
"Good God. She can't be stopped."
Scrubs
"You want me to offer your wife the same job she's turned down?"
Scrubs
"Is that the size of it, Turkelton?"
Scrubs
"Actually, my last name isn't Turkelton. It's just Turk, as in Chris Turk."
Scrubs
"I promise you, if you offer her the job again, she'll say yes."
Scrubs
"- You keep Enid in the attic? - You make me laugh, Turkelton."
Scrubs
"Yes!"
Scrubs
"was if she knew the truth:"
Scrubs
"That their being together didn't really bother me."
Scrubs
"Elliot, we need to talk."
Scrubs
"Nice jammies!"
Scrubs
"Thanks. They're new."
Scrubs
"This will only take a second. Look,"
Scrubs
"you know how I told you I was upset about you and Dan?"
Scrubs
"I love champagne. You mind if I have a little..."
Scrubs
"Tingly."
Scrubs
"Pretty candles."
Scrubs
"I know you broke up with Dan because you thought I was upset,"
Scrubs
"Dan!"
Scrubs
"Hey, little brother."
Scrubs
"Tingles."
Scrubs
"Baby, I feel fine."
Scrubs
"to get you to, you know,"
Scrubs
"hook me up with sandwiches and whatnot."
Scrubs
"I can't believe you!"
Scrubs
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