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Clips from M*A*S*H - Requiem for a Lightweight (S01E01)

"All shifts report to operating room. All shifts. On the double."
M*A*S*H
"Come on. Take a card."
M*A*S*H
"Gin. That‘s 470,000 you owe me."
M*A*S*H
"What are you doing after the war? Hey, waita minute!"
M*A*S*H
"— Is he out .7 — The switch is off. Anytime you‘re ready."
M*A*S*H
"— That‘s “Yes, Doctor, darling." — Yes, Doctor, darling."
M*A*S*H
"Surprise me."
M*A*S*H
"— Do you two want to be alone? — Yeah, but not necessarily with each other."
M*A*S*H
"No, really, I can move."
M*A*S*H
"— Nurse Cutler, report to my office. — Now?"
M*A*S*H
"— Now. —Yes, sir——| mean,yes, ma‘am."
M*A*S*H
"At least she didn‘t have any trouble figuring out your sex."
M*A*S*H
"This is strictly business. I‘m making a house call."
M*A*S*H
"It must be obvious even to a moral defective like yourself..."
M*A*S*H
"One girl, two straws?"
M*A*S*H
"All mixed—up. Doesn‘t know whether she‘s coming or going."
M*A*S*H
"— Put yourselfin our hands. — Actually, these go on your legs."
M*A*S*H
"— Blank papers? —Yes, sir."
M*A*S*H
"You sign them now, lateryou don‘t have to bother."
M*A*S*H
"— General Barker. —Who—— General——"
M*A*S*H
"— Will that be all, General? — Say good—bye for me."
M*A*S*H
"Radar says to say, uh—— Uh, g'good-bye, General."
M*A*S*H
"— My brother is a warden. — We won‘t say that part."
M*A*S*H
"Thanks a lot, Hot Lips."
M*A*S*H
"— Hey, do that again. — What ?"
M*A*S*H
"— Smackyour fist. — You mean that?"
M*A*S*H
"Which guys are sneaking peeks at me?"
M*A*S*H
"Look, stop snowing me. You fight him."
M*A*S*H
"[Sighs]"
M*A*S*H
"—Wait a minute. I don‘t know about this. —What do you mean?"
M*A*S*H
"Pay up now?"
M*A*S*H
"Keep your left up."
M*A*S*H
"He‘sjust loosening up. He‘s gotta get in shape."
M*A*S*H
"Keep your left up. Up. Up with the left."
M*A*S*H
"Move, Trapper. Oh, hi, Father."
M*A*S*H
"Prayer——"
M*A*S*H
"|don‘t think he‘s got one."
M*A*S*H
"A glass stomach?"
M*A*S*H
"I‘m tired, Hawkeye! How far have I run ?"
M*A*S*H
"Thirty feet."
M*A*S*H
"Good morning, Captain."
M*A*S*H
"How‘s it goin‘?"
M*A*S*H
"Anything wrong?"
M*A*S*H
"General Barkerjust pulled in with his fighter."
M*A*S*H
"and thisjeep came too close to him."
M*A*S*H
"Showboat."
M*A*S*H
"A little obvious."
M*A*S*H
"I got a better idea. Come on."
M*A*S*H
"— Six, seven whiffs, he‘ll be out cold. — Great."
M*A*S*H
"— I‘ll put it on right after the introductions. — Make sure you use enough."
M*A*S*H
"Say, you wouldn‘t be averse to laying a small bet on the outcome, would you?"
M*A*S*H
"[Ringing]"
M*A*S*H
"Boo !"
M*A*S*H
"And may the best man win."
M*A*S*H
"[Bell Rings]"
M*A*S*H
"— He‘s still on his feet. — Maybe you‘d like to double that bet."
M*A*S*H
"Put it—— Get him in a clinch!"
M*A*S*H
"Put it up in there I"
M*A*S*H
"Keep it comin‘ in."
M*A*S*H
"— [ Trapper Grunts] — Oh, no !"
M*A*S*H
"—[Grashing] — [Cheering]"
M*A*S*H
"— My very thought. — [Door Opens]"
M*A*S*H
"and I have lived up to mine."
M*A*S*H
"— It‘s true. You fought for me. — That‘s right."
M*A*S*H
"You think it‘s easy planning strategy..."
M*A*S*H
"it never got better."
M*A*S*H
",L‘ [P.A: Swing Music]"
M*A*S*H
"[ Klinger] Attention, all personnel."
M*A*S*H
"All shifts report to operating room. All shifts. On the double."
M*A*S*H
"— Come on. Make a play, will ya .7 — Hold your colon, Doctor."
M*A*S*H
"You were saving queens and throwing spades, right?"
M*A*S*H
"— Will you take a check? — Oh! I‘m sorry."
M*A*S*H
"— You want to try that again? Two out ofthree falls? —I don‘t believe we‘ve met."
M*A*S*H
"[Chattering]"
M*A*S*H
"Okay, there it is."
M*A*S*H
"— Sixty—eight and steady. — Okay. Scalpel."
M*A*S*H
"Hey, I like that. Very good slap. Good."
M*A*S*H
"— Sponge. — Sponge."
M*A*S*H
"— Pickups. — Pickups."
M*A*S*H
"Make a note ofthat. I want him put on report. Disrespectful behavior."
M*A*S*H
"She‘s a new one. I‘ll take care ofher."
M*A*S*H
"We work very well together."
M*A*S*H
"Why don‘t we get a few casualties ofour own and go into business for ourselves?"
M*A*S*H
"Did you have to mobilize the duodenum?"
M*A*S*H
"Yeah. I thought there might be a retro—peritoneal perforation."
M*A*S*H
"There was a large hematoma in the area."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ll sayyou can."
M*A*S*H
"Pay no mind to my friend here. He majored in crudeness at med school."
M*A*S*H
"Med school ? Before I was drafted, I was a transmission mechanic."
M*A*S*H
"|fyou‘re free later, I‘ll be glad to putyou up on my lift."
M*A*S*H
"— My sex is none ofyour business. —j ust say the word."
M*A*S*H
"You stay away from my nurses. They‘re off—limits to you."
M*A*S*H
"You can forget about Nurse Cutler. I‘ll see to that."
M*A*S*H
"That‘s your basic Hot Lips."
M*A*S*H
"I knew a girl like her back in my hometown. Her name was Rover."
M*A*S*H
"Look, I don‘t know about you, but 12 straight hours ofsurgery has me whipped."
M*A*S*H
"— I‘m gonna sack out for a few weeks. — My very thought."
M*A*S*H
"I‘m going to check on some X rays, then I‘ll see you back at “The Swamp"?"
M*A*S*H
"For me?"
M*A*S*H
"That was a pretty short nap. I thought you were going to bed for a week."
M*A*S*H
"I was, but I didn‘t say where, did I ? What about you?"
M*A*S*H
"that we‘re both zeroed in on the same girl, right?"
M*A*S*H
"You take the day watch, and I‘ll take the night."
M*A*S*H
"—Unpacking ? Let us help. —We‘re awfully glad you picked our unit."
M*A*S*H
"— We‘re not as large as some of the others, but we are friendly. — Very friendly."
M*A*S*H
"— Actually, we never met a nurse we didn‘t like. — Doctors, I am——"
M*A*S*H
"and let us go to the river and watch the submarine races."
M*A*S*H
"I have a better idea. You go to the river and watch us wave good—bye to you."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ve been transferred to another unit."
M*A*S*H
"—What a rotten thing to say. —Yeah. You‘re an incredible distraction."
M*A*S*H
"We‘re not giving you up. You‘re the best thing to hit this place since dry socks."
M*A*S*H
"But what can I do about it?"
M*A*S*H
"Would ‘twere that I were they."
M*A*S*H
"— What are these? — Papers."
M*A*S*H
"— Is that a good idea? — It‘s to cut down on your workload."
M*A*S*H
"I can‘t answer that. You‘re the one that signed them, I didn‘t."
M*A*S*H
"— I‘m not gonna sign blank pieces ofpaper. — [ Ringing]"
M*A*S*H
"- Oh, hi. Uh-huh. — Fool Army, papers, double—talk, red tape,"
M*A*S*H
"— Pretty good. — sign this, sign that."
M*A*S*H
"It‘s a little rough, but we‘re not complaining. Who ?Yeah, he‘s here."
M*A*S*H
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