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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Lunar Excitation (S03E03)

"No, it's not... Never mind."
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"He is right, though."
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"If you want, I can turn you on to this great new dating site I found."
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"No, thanks."
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"You sure? They say they can find a match for anybody."
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"- Have they found a match for you? - Tons."
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"I've had, like, eight dates in the last month."
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"All right, let me restate that. It's very heavy and I don't want to."
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"Lift with your knees, not your back."
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"Good night."
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"You know what would be fun?"
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"- Signing Sheldon up for online dating. - Yeah, right."
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"No, think about it. We make it an experiment."
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"Like when Frankenstein's monster was lonely and he found a wife."
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"He didn't find a wife."
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"They built him a wife out of dead body parts."
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"Okay, we'll call that plan B."
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"Coming."
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"Damn you, you rat bastard."
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"Are you drunk?"
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"Zack was a perfectly nice guy and then you ruined him."
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"How did I ruin him?"
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"Because in the olden days, I never would've known he was so stupid."
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"- Come on, he wasn't that stupid. - Yes, he was."
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"He thought you were gonna blow up the moon."
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"Okay, yeah, he's stupid. Heh, heh."
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"He spent the entire night..."
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"...bragging about how he invented the word "appeteasers.""
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"How is that my fault?"
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"You have destroyed my ability to tolerate idiots."
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"- Where are we going? - We're gonna have sex."
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"Why? I mean, okay."
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"What's going on?"
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"Put on your noise-canceling headphones, because it's gonna get loud."
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"In what universe is this "low-pulp"?"
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"Good morning, Penny."
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"Do you have eyes in the back of your head?"
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"When one gets beaten up every other day in school..."
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"Incidentally, one can get beaten up in school..."
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"...simply by referring to oneself as "one.""
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"I'm making English muffins. Would you like an English muffin?"
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"Oh, thanks, I'm not hungry."
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"FYI, my noise-canceling headphones proved ineffective last night."
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"- Yeah, sorry about that. - As a native Texan, I must say..."
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"...I've never heard the phrase "yeehaw" used in quite that context."
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"Oh, God."
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""Oh, God.""
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"That I've heard on multiple occasions."
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"In what universe is that "lightly toasted"?"
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"This has to be the worst day of my life."
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"Good morning, Leonard."
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"How many times have I asked you not to do that?"
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"Counting this instance? Three hundred seventeen."
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"- Where's Penny? - She returned to her apartment."
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"I presume to shower and vomit."
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"Not necessarily in that order."
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"Are you expecting me to offer an explanation of human behavior?"
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"I know. I thought as an outsider..."
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"...you might be able to provide a fresh perspective."
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"Well, I have no difficulty believing you are not butter."
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"- Oh, hey. - Oh, hi."
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"- I gotta run. Early shift. - Okay, I'll walk down with you."
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"So last night was fun, huh?"
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"Yeah, it must've been. I just threw up in my closet."
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"Bummer."
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"I was thinking tonight maybe we could catch a movie."
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"Oh, yeah, tonight's not great for me."
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"Leonard, last night was a mistake."
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"When you say "mistake," do you mean a fortunate mistake..."
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"...like the discovery of penicillin?"
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"Look, I'm sorry."
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"I was drunk, I was lonely, I hated Zack."
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"No, it's pretty well imprinted on my brain."
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"Especially the whole rodeo thing."
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"Oh, God."
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"So that's it? Wham, bam, thank you, Leonard?"
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"Look, I said I'm sorry. Can't you please let it go?"
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"Morning, Mrs. Gunderson."
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"Good morning, Leonard. Or should I say "yeehaw""
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"- Holy crap. - What?"
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"We finally have proof..."
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"- ...that aliens walk among us. - Excuse me?"
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"You're kidding. An actual woman?"
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"Yeah, look. Breasts and everything."
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"...of my Uncle Louie in a bathing suit sometime."
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"Leonard, you gotta see this. We found a match for Sheldon."
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"Great. Maybe she can have sex with him and walk out on him the next morning..."
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"...without so much as a "How do you do?""
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"- Know what he's talking about? - No. Ask him."
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"That was a lousy suggestion."
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"Right now, Dr. Sheldon Cooper has to send an e-mail to his perfect match."
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""Greetings, fellow life-form...""
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"If she can do it, I can do it. If she can do it, I can do it."
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"If she can do it, I can do it."
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"I can't do it."
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"- Hello? - Oh, hi. Hey."
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"Hi, Leslie."
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"Leonard, what're you doing here?"
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"I know. It's been a while."
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"Yeah, 18 months."
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"So how you doing?"
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"- Fine. You? - Not bad."
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"...and you said it didn't mean anything, it was just for fun?"
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"Yeah."
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"Do you wanna do that again?"
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"What happened? Blondie dumped you?"
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"She didn't dump me. We were just in different places in the relationship."
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"Right."
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"Anyway, apparently, it's okay to go back to people you're no longer seeing..."
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"- ...and have recreational sex with them. - Uh-huh."
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"So, what do you say?"
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"Let me think about it."
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"Yes, but "him" doesn't even know about "her.""
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"Well, "him" about to find out about "her.""
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"Really? Us gonna tell him?"
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"Who's going to tell whom about what?"
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"Sheldon. Hey. Hi."
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"Your surprise confuses me. I live here."
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"Right."
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"So, listen, what are you doing tomorrow afternoon?"
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