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Clips from Umbrella Academy - The Seven Stages (S02E02)

"[overhead lights buzzing]"
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"-[typewriter clacking] -[door lock buzzes]"
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"Hargreeves."
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"I'm... I, uh... I'm... I'm not sure."
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"Well, I told the other officer I was hit by a car."
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"I can't remember anything from before a month ago."
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"materialized out of thin air."
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"That's a Russian name, isn't it?"
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"[high-pitched tone resonating, building]"
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"[Vanya groaning]"
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"[Gibbs straining]"
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"[Luther] Now what?"
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"[Five] Now nothing, Luther, all right?"
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"-Make your peace with God. -[Luther] What?"
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"[Five] Screw them both. They should have been here."
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"[Klaus groans] What about Diego?"
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"[whimpering] Did Five just get meaner?"
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"And you,"
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"-I regret nothing. -[Klaus sighs]"
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"Hey! Five, doomsday is still coming."
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"-We gotta think of a new plan. -Don't you get it, Luther?"
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"-It's over, all right? We're already dead. -Then where are you going?"
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"Come to what, Five?"
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"-[door locks] -Five!"
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"[voice trembles] Okay. Okay."
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"[door unlocks]"
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"Allison! Hey!"
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"You guys have been wrastling in here or something?"
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"-[Allison sighs] -[Klaus] Oh."
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"It's gonna be one of those kinda nights, huh?"
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"[gasps]"
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"[exhales slowly]"
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"-Are you kidding me? -You said I could hire my own team."
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"If you don't see the problem with hiring you-know-who's brother,"
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"[both] Shut up!"
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"a colorful history."
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"me included."
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"[Handler] Let me ask you something."
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"When you're looking down the barrel of a gun,"
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"where do your loyalties lie, with your family or your principles?"
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"I don't belong to anybody."
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"Especially Lila."
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"if he ruffles even one feather,"
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"[Grace gasps softly]"
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"[Reginald] What are you doing in here?"
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"Not sure what I could say that would..."
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"That... That shaggy man at the consulate,"
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"You take the word of lunatics these days?"
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"There's so much about you I don't understand."
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"I want to share my life with you, Reggie,"
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"Until then..."
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"I'm sorry."
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"[splutters, groans]"
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"[Luther mutters] Shit."
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"[gasping heavily]"
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"I got no choice."
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"-No choice about what? -I have to find myself."
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"-Should I be worried about you? -Luther, if you recall,"
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"However, there are two significant problems"
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"with this plan."
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"If I know me, I'm not going to react kindly to bumping into myself."
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"you're not supposed to exist in close proximity to yourself"
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"in the same timeline."
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"The side effects can be disastrous."
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"three: extreme thirst and urination,"
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"[Five] It's a Hail Mary."
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"I'm gonna need you to help me get through this one, all right? I..."
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"So, whatever happens, whatever I say,"
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"-Okay? -Okay."
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"-Luther, come on. -Right."
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"Well, I hope you thanked him for almost arresting me."
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"Turned us against each other."
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"Now look here,"
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"[Gibbs] Vanya, wake up."
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"[struggling gasps]"
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"-What are you doing to me? -Move again and you'll regret it."
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"-[electricity surges] -[shuddering grunts]"
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"What is that?"
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"an extremely unpleasant experience for you."
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"Who are you? [echoing]"
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"♪ Mikey had a facial scar And Bobby was a racist ♪"
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"♪ I don't mind the sun sometimes ♪"
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"♪ And smell you in my clothes... ♪"
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"[band sings "Pepper" bridge in reverse]"
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"♪ Another Mikey took a knife While arguing in traffic ♪"
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"♪ Then there was the ever-present Football player rapist ♪"
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"♪ They were all in love with dyin' They were doin' it in Texas... ♪"
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"♪ ...Well, it should've been a better shot And got him in the head ♪"
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"♪ That was pourin' like an avalanche Comin' down the mountain ♪"
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"Where did you come from?"
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"Why don't we just grab the briefcase and run?"
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"-Right. -[Five] Plus, it's the inherent paradox"
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"where this gets tricky."
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"the whole thing unravels itself."
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"Trust me."
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"I didn't itch my neck."
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"I am fine, okay?"
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"Bumping into your own tiny doppelganger? He will lose his shit."
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"Just let me break the ice."
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"What'd you call me, big man?"
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"It's me."
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"But first, I need to introduce you to somebody."
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"No freak-outs."
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"All right."
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"[Diego] No, I love being drugged and kidnapped"
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"and threatened with murder."
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"-What is it you people do here, exactly? -[Lila] Oh, that's the best part."
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"Take this."
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"-[Diego] Wait a second-- -[Lila] Okay."
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"I really need this to work, so..."
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"Here at the Commission,"
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"[Luther sighs]"
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"Well..."
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"The three of us, together like this."
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"-How's that possible? -[teen Five] I can explain."
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"You see, one hour from now, on the grassy knoll,"
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"Today, you are going to attempt to time travel forward to 2019."
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"Okay. [farts]"
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"-not jump? -[teen Five] No, no. I need you to jump."
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"What is it?"
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