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Clips from New Girl - The Landlord (S01E01)

"Yeah, relax. He's not going to be there."
New Girl
"I know, he's in Rio till the 16th."
New Girl
"Cece..."
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"can I talk to you, as a?"
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"As a woman?"
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"All right, Schmidt."
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"Okay. My boss and I, we're running a pre-sex marathon right now..."
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"and I feel like we're stuck in mile 25."
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"I can see the finish line, but I can't get there."
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"- I need to put one of these on. - The problem is we don't talk."
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"I don't know what she's thinking."
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"Should I make a move or not?"
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"Stop asking permission and go get it."
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"That's what I would want. There's nothing less sexy..."
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"than a dude asking if he can kiss you."
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"Nothing? What if I ate my own hair and pooped out a wig?"
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"What if I called my mom after sex to describe it to her?"
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"What if I had a croissant blog?"
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"- Two of these now. - We're the best."
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"Hey, Bob Ross, how's painting going?"
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"Going absolutely fantastic, Schmidt..."
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"because everything is easy..."
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""when you are a battleship, invading the Bay of Success.""
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"- What? - I have here..."
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"Schmidt's New Year's resolutions from 2007."
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"- Please, read on. - Read my favorite one."
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""Stop pursuing Caroline. She's Nick's girl."
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"- Deal with it." - Deal with it. She's my girl."
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"- Where'd you find that? - Do not stop reading this."
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"I was very young. And drunk."
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"Were you too drunk to "begin the search for the cocoon..."
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"- Cocoon. Heh, heh. ...that will release your butterfly"?"
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"No, it does not say that one."
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"- Number three. - Come on. Ha-ha."
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"- Why are you doing this? - I just got bored..."
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"painting over your interplanetary ass dojo."
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"This is my favorite. "Find out where Winston gets his sparkle..."
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"and then steal it.""
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"Steal... - You were gonna steal my sparkle?"
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"Give me that."
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"The funniest thing just happened."
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"I was watching Remy fix the sink, and I got totally soaked."
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"You were so wet."
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"Man overboard. So I invited Remy over for dinner..."
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"to thank him for all the stuff he's been doing around the apartment. Who's in?"
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"- I gotta... - I got a boat, so..."
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"So I guess it'll just be me and Jess."
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"Uh, heh, heh. Oh, no, Remy."
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"I changed my mind, I'll be there."
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"Just watching you."
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"this."
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"I ferment things in the basement."
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"I also make cheese."
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"- You're not drinking that, Jess. - Yes, I am, Remy made it."
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"- Ahh. - Think you can handle some, Nick?"
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"I'm okay. Need to stay sober to fight you."
New Girl
"Nick, be nice. How hard could it be to just open yourself up a little bit?"
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"Dip your toe in the pool of possibilities."
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"Yeah, Nick. Dip your toe."
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"You guys have a lot in common."
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"Nick went through a breakup that was really hard."
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"- Schmidt said your mom had to fly out. - That was a scheduled trip."
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"Did you smell your girl on your sheets for months..."
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"until they were too soaked through with your own sweat and tears?"
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"No."
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"Did you punch out all the windows until you hit the wall and broke your hand?"
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"Did you go out, looking for companionship..."
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"a little human warmth..."
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"only to come to in the woods..."
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"covered in animal blood?"
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"In my own way."
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"Come here, man."
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"It's gonna be okay."
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"Yeah."
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"Well, I guess I'll just go home and open a bottle of wine."
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"Yeah, I'll probably just do the same."
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"I want you now."
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"No, no, no, she wanted me to..."
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"- Oh... - No, no. My God."
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"- Stop hitting him. - She wanted... Consensual."
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"Tap out. Ow. Tap out."
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"Oh, man, tonight is just... I..."
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"I... I honestly didn't know if I'd ever enjoy myself again."
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"So thanks."
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"Bathroom break. Ahem."
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"See? I was right."
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"- What do you mean? - You're wrong."
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"He's buttering me up so he can move in on you?"
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"- Why can't you admit you were wrong? - How have you lived on your own?"
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"There's no part of that man wants to sleep with me."
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"- He's been creeping on you. - No, he hasn't."
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"- Open your eyes, like, I'm worried... - No."
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"Oh."
New Girl
"Hey, Remy, what happened to your pants?"
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"I've never done a threesome."
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"That's what we're doing here, right?"
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"This I did not expect."
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"I love watching you be wrong, Jess."
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"I might've been a bit off about Remy..."
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"but people are good, and I'm not wrong about that."
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"- People are jerks. - He is hurting from his divorce..."
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"Are you still making excuses for this guy?"
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"Look, if you feel so bad, then just get in there."
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"Just dip your toe into the pool of possibility."
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"Hey, Remy, let's get weird and toss that ball around, huh?"
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"So turned on."
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"Okay, you would have a threesome with that man to get me to admit I'm wrong?"
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"I think we could do a lot worse than Remy. He's got strong arms."
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"Let's have a threesome."
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"All right, so a ménage à trois..."
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"is about three of us."
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"- Sure. - Trois..."
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""ménage-ing" fully."
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"Okay. This is happening with this guy."
New Girl
"This is happening right now, Jess."
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"- Yeah. - So it's gonna get even more uncomfortable."
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"We have to keep talking with each other."
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"Around and communicating. Let's get some relax music going."
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"- Great idea. Thank you. - Okay? All right."
New Girl
"Why can't you admit he's a good guy?"
New Girl
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