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Clips from Farzar - Welcome to Farzar (S01E01)

"We is the Intellectoids,"
Farzar
"but I guess you done knew that since you is too."
Farzar
"Yeah, these guys are smart, all right."
Farzar
"Wait a minute. What's the new password?"
Farzar
"Password used to be my name, but I kept forgetting it."
Farzar
"Don't tell 'em the old password! What if they came back yesterday?"
Farzar
"Oh, you didn't hear? It is yesterday."
Farzar
"Really? Well, shit. Come on in."
Farzar
"Great. Where should I hang this fake head?"
Farzar
"Humans! Kill them sum bitches."
Farzar
"Cool, slide whistle!"
Farzar
"[melancholy tone]"
Farzar
"-Cool. Slide whistle. -[melancholy tone]"
Farzar
"-Cool! Slide whistle! -[melancholy tone]"
Farzar
"-Cool. Slide whistle. -[melancholy tone]"
Farzar
"-Cool! Slide whistle! -[melancholy tone]"
Farzar
"-Cool. Slide whistle. -[melancholy tone]"
Farzar
"-Cool. Slide whistle. -[melancholy tone]"
Farzar
"-Cool! Slide whistle! -[melancholy tone]"
Farzar
"Oh my God. All my friends are dead."
Farzar
"Cool. Slide whistle."
Farzar
"[melancholy tone]"
Farzar
"Fichael takes the lead on kills!"
Farzar
"Mal, looks like you've got some catching up to--"
Farzar
"Would you stop playing around?"
Farzar
"If we're gonna have a chance against Bazarack, we've gotta get serious."
Farzar
"Do you know how scary that dude is?"
Farzar
"[ominous music plays]"
Farzar
"You wanted to see me, Lord Bazarack?"
Farzar
"Yes. I need to know"
Farzar
"how do I look?"
Farzar
"How do you look, sir?"
Farzar
"On a scale of one to ten, how intimidating do I look?"
Farzar
"Um, four?"
Farzar
"Four? See!"
Farzar
"I told you fuckers we've got a real problem with my intimidation factor."
Farzar
"If we don't handle this, it's going to ruin my entire brand."
Farzar
"Why do you care how you look, sir?"
Farzar
"Perception is reality, mister!"
Farzar
"You think the human city could be taken over by a four out of ten?"
Farzar
"I forgot you like fours. I was at your wedding."
Farzar
"Ooh, I'm a sassy bitch! Now let's get to work, you dicks."
Farzar
"You better make my cheekbones fierce, or I'll pinch your purple tits off."
Farzar
"Where's my eyebrow plucker? I want to look pissed off all the time."
Farzar
"Even when I'm happy. Where'd my assistant go?"
Farzar
"Right here, Lord Bazarack. There's news from the slums."
Farzar
"Well, what is it, Clitoris?"
Farzar
"Again, it's Clitaris."
Farzar
"Are you sure? Because you are red and swollen and I can never find you."
Farzar
"[rim shot plays]"
Farzar
"Get away from my drums!"
Farzar
"Apparently the Czar's son is on his way here to assassinate you."
Farzar
"Holy hell! We've got to redecorate this whole base!"
Farzar
"I'm talking fake spider webs. All that scary shit."
Farzar
"Clitaris, get your gargoyle-looking, fat fucking wife in here."
Farzar
"Better change my name to Sassarack. Am I right?"
Farzar
"Where's my fucking rim shot?"
Farzar
"Okay, the map says we've got to make it through the very bad, bad, bad forest."
Farzar
"Oh, this forest is cursed!"
Farzar
"My skin is covered in bumps and my breath has turned to smoke."
Farzar
"-It's called being cold, you spoiled shit. -Billy not like it here."
Farzar
"Billy scared!"
Farzar
"Oh, shit!"
Farzar
"Back off, motherfucker, that's my kill!"
Farzar
"It's just a baby!"
Farzar
"What's your name, little guy?"
Farzar
"Zobo!"
Farzar
"Aw. Zobo want a rattle?"
Farzar
"Suckle that, you little shit. [laughs]"
Farzar
"Oh, stop it, Mal."
Farzar
"I'm Big Bob Dukie. Have y'all seen my boy around? [exclaims]"
Farzar
"[giggles] I think he's cute! Yes, you are."
Farzar
"You are a good guy, Fichael."
Farzar
"Oh, gross."
Farzar
"If you pork this dork, you'd better stay on your side of the vagina."
Farzar
"Trust me. That won't be a problem."
Farzar
"I have a shockingly slender penis."
Farzar
"[action music playing]"
Farzar
"[growls]"
Farzar
"[screams]"
Farzar
"[roars]"
Farzar
"Is this hell?"
Farzar
"S.H.A.T. Squad, mission accomplished!"
Farzar
"It was a long journey, but we finally found Bazarack's base."
Farzar
"[Mal] This is our base, dumbass."
Farzar
"That horse-hung trash can led us in a giant circle."
Farzar
"Give me that map!"
Farzar
"This… this isn't even a map."
Farzar
"It's just some shitty drawing of cartoon boobies. You betrayed us."
Farzar
"He wouldn't ever do that. Ri… Right, Scootie?"
Farzar
"She's right, Fichael."
Farzar
"Your father offered me ten Snuffle Snarts if I kept you away from Bazarack's base."
Farzar
"You betrayed me for Snuffle Snarts?"
Farzar
"You don't secretly have a huge dick. You secretly are a huge dick!"
Farzar
"Sorry, Fichael. I'll never turn my back on you again."
Farzar
"[squeals]"
Farzar
"[Fichael] A cocktopus!"
Farzar
"[Mal] Oh!"
Farzar
"Scootie, help!"
Farzar
"-[squeals] -[Mal screams]"
Farzar
"Hi! My family and I are looking for new friends."
Farzar
"[smooth rap music playing]"
Farzar
"Class, this is a very good time to learn about digestion."
Farzar
"Oh, look at that. Guess you already have. Oh, well."
Farzar
"-We've got to do something quick. -Oh, uh, "quickly." It's an adverb."
Farzar
"Shut the fuck up, Val!"
Farzar
"Do what? All I got is this worthless dehydrated bounce house capsule."
Farzar
"Oh, crap. I dropped it."
Farzar
"-You know, since it's here… -All right, five minutes."
Farzar
"[all laughing]"
Farzar
"[ominous music plays]"
Farzar
"You two, spray more of that fake blood on the walls."
Farzar
"My bone throne. Excellent."
Farzar
"Holy piss, this thing is uncomfortable."
Farzar
"Does it have to be so hard?"
Farzar
"It's made of bones, sir."
Farzar
"Well, let's bring your wife in here. She makes bones soft."
Farzar
"[rim shot plays]"
Farzar
"A beat late, but I'll take it."
Farzar
"Speaking of late, where the fuck is Prince Fichael?"
Farzar
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