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Clips from Arrested Development - Switch Hitter (S02E02)

"You mean the guy we're meeting with can't even grow his own hair? Come on!"
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"It's called alopecia, and I'd appreciate it if we could all be sensitive to it, okay?"
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"- He happens to be a very modest and generous man. - [Lucille] Modest and generous?"
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"Then why is he always waving giant $10 million checks over his head..."
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"- every time some- - Go ahead, Mom. Finish your thought."
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""Every time some children's hospital needs funding"?"
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"Nonetheless, we could get a giant checkbook too."
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"We're just not that starved for attention."
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"- Sorry that my son couldn't be here- - Let me guess. Girlfriend."
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"You know, it could be worse. He could wanna marry your mother. [Laughs]"
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"Oh, I'm sorry. Is your family not laughing at that yet?"
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"Okay. Let me tell you what I'm offering."
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"So what I propose is a co-venture with your Sudden Valley Development."
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"The first thing you might wanna change though is the name."
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"I told that to Dad. I told that to my dad."
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"I'm thinking- Paradise Gardens."
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"- [Wind Whistling] - I swear to God, I have that written-"
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"[Narrator] When George Sr. Was in charge..."
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"he had a habit of shooting down any idea Michael came up with."
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"- Plus, it's on a hill. - What are you taking, stupid pills? Come on."
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"[Narrator] This was a management tool that he used to keep Michael..."
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"- working for his approval. - That was a hard one to say no to."
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"The only thing I ask is out of the 450 homes we build..."
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"one be given to a disadvantaged family from the inner city."
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"That's great. So the other 449 families live in fear?"
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"Is that what we're saying? I mean, come on! Where's your decen-"
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"What the hell just fell off your face?"
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"- One of this guy's eyebrows fell in the candy beans. - I always carry a spare."
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"Well, I hope you also carry a spare bowl of candy beans."
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"Gob! I'm very impressed with the offer."
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"I'm gonna run it upstairs, see what kind of reaction it gets."
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"- Hmm? - So to speak."
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"- [Narrator] Michael hoped to impress his father. - I think it sounds pretty good."
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"Pretty good? It was horrible. What are you taking, stupid pills again?"
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"[Narrator] But their old dynamic returned when George Sr. Did."
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"Gob was the only one down there who knew how to handle that hairless freak."
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"- Thank God we have Gob on our team. - You know, Dad..."
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"Gob doesn't really do all that much for our team."
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"In fact, I think it's time that I get put back in charge."
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"Michael, listen to me. Lately, your ideas, they're horrible."
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"for the softball game on Saturday, I'm telling you."
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"Gob said the same thing, Dad, but l-I doubt that this guy's..."
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"Hey. This game goes way, way back."
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"[Narrator] It was a fierce rivalry, with George Sr. Using..."
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"- everything at his disposal to win- - No hair. Hey, we got no hair."
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"You go down there, and you tell him to go screw himself..."
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"and apologize to your brother."
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"We need him on our side, and we need him happy."
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"- Where's Sitwell? - Sorry. I told him to screw off."
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"- But get this, he offered me a job. - What?"
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"Well, I'm not waiting on my brother. I pass."
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"- You look surprised. - I'm sorry. I must've put it on too high."
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"But you were right. It was a bad offer and you were smart enough not to take it."
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"[Bleeps] you."
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"And I accepted. He's waiting for me outside."
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"We're gonna swing by his wigmaker. His "just woke up" hair is finally ready."
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"You're really gonna do this?"
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"It's ready, Mike. They're only gonna hold it for 24 hours."
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"[Narrator] Tobias and Maeby, meanwhile, had mapped the route to the audition."
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"Well, here we are and home we go..."
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"with plenty of time to get you to English class."
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"Wait. You can't do a U-turn on your dream."
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"I say, we get you on the lot and get the Fünke name out there."
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"- Start talking you up around the watercoolers. - Maeby, we'll never get on here."
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"I mean, behind these walls are the biggest stars in the world."
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"America's treasures."
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"- Damn it! - Dad, you're auditioning for the part of a confidence man."
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"Let's try a little confidence."
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"You say confidence man? Hey, I'm up for that part too."
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"- Oh. - Good luck to you."
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"Good luck to you too."
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"[Narrator] As Tobias was gaining self-confidence..."
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"- Michael was struggling to keep his. - Hi, Dad."
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"- Wow, you're president again? - Yes, this is the way it should be."
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"What do you think of when you hear the words, "Sudden Valley"?"
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"Salad dressing, I think. But for some reason, I don't wanna eat it."
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"- Right. But "Paradise Gardens." - Yeah. Okay. I can see marinating a chicken in that."
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"Um, I'm actually here about the softball game. We need some girls on the team, right?"
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"Yes, we do. That's a league requirement."
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"in the third inning oflast year's game."
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"We could stay here, wait for another pop-up."
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"- And in the fifth inning. - Come on! Yeah, here we go!"
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"- Oh, and before the game. - [Cheering]"
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"We lost our entire outfield and a couple of court cases."
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"Well, you know who would be great and not at all litigious is Ann."
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"- [Inhales] Mmm, not Ann. - No?"
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"'Cause you know this-this game is kind of our thing."
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"But Ann's amazing. You know, she could play my position."
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"You should be playing the field... there, in right, you know?"
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"Plus, I got Aunt Lindsay playing this year. I can't very well pull her off the roster."
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"Let's make Ann the backup, okay? Very good way to think about her... as a backup."
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"- She's gonna be so excited. - Good."
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"- Maybe-Maybe now I'll get a kiss. - Okay."
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"Yes, I know. I just want to get in there first."
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"[Quietly] Okay."
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"[Narrator] Lindsay felt the intended effect of Teamocil-"
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"- a sense of camaraderie. - Count me in, Michael. Happy to help the team."
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"- Great news. I'm back. - You just left."
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"Yeah, I don't think things are gonna work out with Sitwell."
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"I mean, we picked up his sleepy-head wig, everything was cool."
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"Next thing I know, he's asking me for a bunch of work ideas."
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"So, I thought I'd just quit and go back to being president here."
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"I need to do this job, okay? I need to prove that I can do this job."
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"- To who? - To... you."
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"Michael, I'm your big brother. I'll never be impressed with you."
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"- Still. - Anyway, look. You can still do it."
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"I just want the office and my stuffs and title."
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"What about... if I help you with your work over at Sitwell?"
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"- You'd do that? - Sure."
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"You really want me to succeed at Sitwell."
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"Well, I just- Hey. Come on. I really want you to be over at Sitwell."
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"[Narrator] Lucille was worried that her son Buster was being sent into battle with the army."
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"um, to spare my feelings."
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"Croc! No, Sorry. Wait. Log."
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"Just a log. No, wait. Sorry. Croc!"
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"- [Woman Singing "Downtown"] - It was there that he met a young U.S.O. Dancer named Lucille."
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"[Young Lucille] I prefer an older man."
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"[Narrator] "You-know-who"was an army sergeant named Bill Anderson."
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"He and Lucille were an item before she left him for Oscar."
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"At the studio, Tobias began to create buzz around the watercooler."
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