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Clips from Seinfeld - The Wizard (S09E09)

"How much are they paying you?"
Seinfeld
"Let's just say I don't have to worry about working for a while."
Seinfeld
"A long while."
Seinfeld
"That's funny, because I haven't seen you working..."
Seinfeld
"...for a while. A long while."
Seinfeld
"And you're not going to, because I'm hanging it up."
Seinfeld
"Boys, I'm retiring."
Seinfeld
"From what?"
Seinfeld
"From the grind. I mean, who needs it?"
Seinfeld
"You know, I've accomplished everything I've set out to do."
Seinfeld
"It's not really gold."
Seinfeld
"- Hey. - Hey, great music."
Seinfeld
"Oh, it's my neighbor."
Seinfeld
"They blast that stuff 24 hours a day. I hate it."
Seinfeld
"Turn it down!"
Seinfeld
"Oh, wow. These are nice."
Seinfeld
"Do they have any cultural significance?"
Seinfeld
"They're African."
Seinfeld
"Right."
Seinfeld
"- African. - Well, not Africa."
Seinfeld
"South Africa."
Seinfeld
"My family used to live there. We got out years ago. For obvious reasons."
Seinfeld
"- You know how it is. - Maybe."
Seinfeld
"Or else you really like them and that's why you do this."
Seinfeld
"If I had one of these things I'd be eating hot dogs all the time."
Seinfeld
"No."
Seinfeld
"We let you sleep in."
Seinfeld
"Well, as long as I'm up, Dad, I got you a birthday present."
Seinfeld
"Here. Happy birthday."
Seinfeld
"Oh, Jerry. I should be buying you presents."
Seinfeld
"What does that mean?"
Seinfeld
"Radar detector. I've never seen you go over 20 miles an hour."
Seinfeld
"You're like the grand marshal of the Rose Bowl parade."
Seinfeld
"It's a Wizard organizer."
Seinfeld
"This looks like too much money."
Seinfeld
"No, I got it from a guy on the street. It was like 50 bucks."
Seinfeld
"- You think it's hot? - Could be."
Seinfeld
"Attaboy. Helen, Jerry got me a hot Wizard computer."
Seinfeld
"I'm right here."
Seinfeld
"So I can use it to figure out the tip?"
Seinfeld
"Yeah, I guess. But the really cool thing is the daily planner."
Seinfeld
"We can go to the restaurant to figure out the tips."
Seinfeld
"Jerry, you're getting your father too excited."
Seinfeld
"Kramer, what are you doing here?"
Seinfeld
"I told you I was retiring. I moved in next door."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, your folks said it was for rent, so I jumped on it."
Seinfeld
"Kramer, you can't live down here."
Seinfeld
"This is where people come to die."
Seinfeld
"Older people."
Seinfeld
"You feed him he'll never leave."
Seinfeld
"I don't have any feta. How about cottage cheese and egg beaters?"
Seinfeld
"I guess."
Seinfeld
"Don't I look more relaxed?"
Seinfeld
"So, George, do you have any thoughts on this Darryl situation?"
Seinfeld
"Actually, I did have a thought."
Seinfeld
"Why don't you just ask him?"
Seinfeld
"Because if I ask him, then it's like I really want to know."
Seinfeld
"...mixed."
Seinfeld
"I don't think we're supposed to be talking about this."
Seinfeld
"- I'm just gonna go to the bathroom. - You know what? I'm leaving."
Seinfeld
"Oh, Mrs. Ross. Mr. Ross."
Seinfeld
"Oh, you're George's friend."
Seinfeld
"We saw him in the city this weekend."
Seinfeld
"What happened to his place in the Hamptons?"
Seinfeld
"The Hamptons? George Costanza?"
Seinfeld
"I don't think so."
Seinfeld
"Have a good one."
Seinfeld
"Rosses."
Seinfeld
"George. We were just talking about you."
Seinfeld
"Well, sorry I missed that charity thing..."
Seinfeld
"...but this was one of those truly glorious Hampton weekends..."
Seinfeld
"- ...that you always hear about. - Really?"
Seinfeld
"I mean it. I'll do it."
Seinfeld
"Okay, I'll see you later."
Seinfeld
"Keep it real."
Seinfeld
"Another fine meal. And now for my Wizard tip calculator."
Seinfeld
"Dad, it's got lots of other functions."
Seinfeld
"Don't worry. I'll get to the other functions."
Seinfeld
"I can't get it open."
Seinfeld
"How does 12.4 percent sound?"
Seinfeld
"Well, your tip is $4 and 36.6666 cents."
Seinfeld
"We'll round down."
Seinfeld
"You've helped take his mind off the condo election."
Seinfeld
"Right. You can't run for condo president because you were..."
Seinfeld
"- ...impeached at the other condo. - I was never impeached."
Seinfeld
"Even so, the press would bury him."
Seinfeld
"What press?"
Seinfeld
"The condo newsletter. The Boca Breeze."
Seinfeld
"Hey, Morty. Your boy here."
Seinfeld
"He just got a date with that young aquacise instructor."
Seinfeld
"She's 50."
Seinfeld
"Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Yeah."
Seinfeld
"I'll tell you what I'm looking at."
Seinfeld
"The next condo board president of Del Boca Vista, phase three."
Seinfeld
"Elaine, thank you for the Wizard."
Seinfeld
"Wow, it's got so many functions."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, yeah, forget about all that."
Seinfeld
"Name. We know that. Hobbies."
Seinfeld
"- Skiing, racquetball- - Well, I don't do that stuff."
Seinfeld
"It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter."
Seinfeld
"Isn't that optional?"
Seinfeld
"It certainly should be. It's nobody's damn business."
Seinfeld
"But they really would like to know."
Seinfeld
"- All right. I'm Asian. - What?"
Seinfeld
"Just to mess with them."
Seinfeld
"Right. Good one."
Seinfeld
"Average income. Over a hundred thousand."
Seinfeld
"- Really? - So does that matter?"
Seinfeld
"So did you figure out Darryl's..."
Seinfeld
"I've given up. So now we're going to a bunch of Spanish restaurants."
Seinfeld
"Figure that'll cover us either way."
Seinfeld
"You're a master of race relations."
Seinfeld
"So Kramer's running for president of the condo?"
Seinfeld
"Yeah. It's all my father's doing."
Seinfeld
"He wants to install Kramer in a puppet regime..."
Seinfeld
"...and then wield power from behind the scenes."
Seinfeld
"Preferably from the sauna in the clubhouse."
Seinfeld
"- Who are they running against? - Common sense..."
Seinfeld
"- Jerry? - He's still down with his folks."
Seinfeld
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