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Clips from A Series of Unfortunate Events - The Reptile Room: Part One (S01E01)

"- They'll munch on your head - What? What's going on?"
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"And your poor mother's tutu."
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"We've already seen this part!"
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"Quick splicing, old friend."
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"I need four tickets on the SS Prospero to Peru."
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"Meet me at the ticket booth. I sell all kinds of tickets."
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"- Well, wish me luck, old friend. - Good luck, Dr. Montgomery."
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"And a one and a two and a chicka-booma-chick."
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"The Baudelaires did not wanna turn their backs on Count Olaf,"
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"so they did not see what happened in the back of that dark theater."
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"that the Baudelaire orphans were not aware of."
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"full of incredible twists and astonishing acrobatics. Can you walk?"
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"If we're lucky, we'll be with the children by bedtime."
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"Any idea where this tunnel lets out?"
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"I'd say judging by the barometric pressure and watery winds,"
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"somewhere south of Winnipeg."
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"Peru."
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"Like I said. South of Winnipeg."
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"Terrible ending."
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"Monty never came back."
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"- Monty! - Monty?"
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"What's this? Your guardian has disappeared?"
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"Ah, this is just terrible."
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"Three helpless children all alone in the world."
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"- Monty! - You're here."
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"Hello, children."
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"It's been a long night and we have a very busy day tomorrow."
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"Uh, it will require some further explanation."
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"I have some unfinished business with Stephano."
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"- Will you be okay? - Of course."
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"I am your guardian."
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"It is my job..."
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"and my delight, might I add, to keep you safe."
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"Run along."
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"Arrive... chechem."
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"Do you think you can just waltz into my life,"
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"You're a wretched person"
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"You don't know my real name?"
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"I don't need to know your real name."
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"are a spy from the Herpetological Society."
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"What?"
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"Can you hear what they're saying?"
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"You have found out my secret identity. There's no doubt about it."
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"I've been outsmarted."
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"Yes. You have."
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"Now be gone. You and your... pale-face twins."
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"I said be gone!"
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"Well, Baudelaires, that terrible man will never bother us again."
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"- You mean... - That's right."
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"I confronted him and threw him out of our lives forever."
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"The authorities are on their way."
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"And we're just leaving him there? In the parking lot?"
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"Again."
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"Well, it's none of our concern. We will be far, far away from here."
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"We are off to Peru."
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"- Peru? - It's a wonderful country,"
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"And what's more important, answers."
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"You must have oodles of questions after that movie."
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"If my parents hadn't taught me about this when I was your age,"
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"my head would be dizzy with confusion."
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"We're in, Monty."
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"Well, it's a good thing I stocked up on peaches and canoes."
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"You never know when you might need to leave the country in a moment's notice."
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"Life is a conundrum of esoterica."
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"Well said, Klaus Baudelaire. Well said."
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"Then we travel inward to Ollantaytambo"
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"in search of some geckos who have an extra leg."
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"First one to find one gets to name it."
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"- Sounds wonderful. - Doesn't it?"
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"Listen, children. I know that the loss of your parents was a great tragedy."
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"But you can still have the life they wanted for you."
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"But now, it is time for bed. Yes."
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"We have a squidillion things to do tomorrow and a boat to catch."
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"What my sister means..."
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"More on that tomorrow."
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"Good night, Uncle Monty."
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"Sweet dreams. And tomorrow... Peru."
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"I'm sorry to say this was the last time"
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"the screeching iguana clock would strike before the arrival of dramatic irony."
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"But as Dr. Montgomery had promised,"
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"no harm would come to the Baudelaire orphans in the Reptile Room."
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"Ah, here's the turn."
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"Well, this is perfect timing because I have just finished frosting"
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"Very much. But our parents didn't take us very often."
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"I'm just kidding, just kidding,"
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"at Mulctuary Money Management if you need me for anything."
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"Hmm."
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"That is astonishing."
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"I can't believe your parents never told you about me."
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"Well, ology always means the study of..."
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"Snakes. Snakes, snakes, snakes. That's what I study."
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"I forgot all about Gustav."
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"Bambini?"
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"when the story of the Baudelaires becomes too upsetting for me,"
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"Cheers."
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"Do something!"
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"You let a deadly snake bite our sister!"
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"I'm going to introduce the incredibly deadly viper,"
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"Me."
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"Well, of course."
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"my scientific library."
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"And I hope that you'll find them."
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"and someone who hears it knows something,"
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"How was your day?"
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"I polished the tortoise and Sunny fed it some bananas"
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"you can lure the androgynous cobra out of my sock drawer."
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"Klaus Baudelaire, I have a feeling there are many things"
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"Life is a conundrum of esoterica."
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"So why doesn't the name Montgomery Montgomery ring a bell?"
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"My sister has ten toes, like the vast majority of people."
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"Your father and mother were very brave in their days."
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"and that enormous fortune is mine."
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"Blast!"
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"- Thank you. - Come inside."
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"Hmm. Baudelaires?"
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"Here we go."
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"- So you recognized him? - Of course I recognized him."
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"that so-called lab assistant will have us in his clutches"
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"And we all know Stephano does not work alone."
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"- Really? - Yes, you go. Go take a seat."
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