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Clips from A Series of Unfortunate Events - The Reptile Room: Part One (S01E01)

"It is a rare species of reptile found in swampy regions that are particularly sad."
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"Woe is me. Woe is me."
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"that comprise this ghastly new episode... in the Baudelaires' unfortunate lives."
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"He's your closest living relative"
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"I'm beginning to think it was a mistake to listen to that oddly-dressed consultant"
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"who walked into my office with no references and no identification,"
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"And living with Count Olaf had been more than a mistake."
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"was that the villainous Count Olaf was still at large,"
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"and would not catch him for a very long time."
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"By the way, the police tell me they feel very confident"
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"It runs past an orchard of trees which once produced apples so sour,"
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"so the entire area smells bitter and strong."
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"And I'm sure he's very sensitive about that, so please don't ridicule him."
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"I can... I can still smell that ginger."
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"I don't like fancy titles unless they get me a discount at the movies."
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"Would you like a piece of cake?"
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"No, I should be getting back to the bank soon."
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"as enthusiastically as I have dedicated myself to this coconut cream cake."
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"Klaus, don't be rude."
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"Though, legally, he's correct about the fortune."
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"I don't give a fig about the Baudelaire fortune, Mr. Poe,"
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"Bye."
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"Goodbye, children. Remember you can reach me"
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"Well, not to worry. You're finally safe now, children,"
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"Dr. Montgomery Montgomery?"
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"I loved them dearly. Look, here's a picture of us."
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"Oh, don't worry about your dishes."
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"Just leave them anywhere. Gustav will wash them up."
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"Uh... Gustav!"
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"to get a glimpse of the wonders inside this room."
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"You can't get inside unless you have 19 keys, three combinations,"
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"two fingerprints and one optical scan."
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"This is the Reptile Room."
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"and here... is a winged lizard."
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"The incredibly deadly viper."
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"uh, with a cup of tea or some other powerful beverage."
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"- The snake! - What are you doing?"
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"I'm so sorry. Oh."
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"A very wrong name?"
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"Why would you give your own discovery the wrong name?"
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"And you know who'll be laughing then?"
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"You can't study snakes and not find some that are dangerous."
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"Which leads me to the heart of the operation."
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"Now, bambini,"
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"this is the most important part of the Reptile Room:"
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"So we're allowed to read all these books?"
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"But..."
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"but there were people around that knew the almond cookie was poisoned,"
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"we should be on guard for the unpleasant arrival of dramatic irony."
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"Woe is me."
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"It can't understand you."
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"Dr. Montgomery said the broken-hearted crocodile's mating call"
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"We're the ones whose parents perished in a fire"
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"Klaus, I know how you feel."
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"Perhaps, when I'm out,"
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"Won't that be exciting?"
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"Yes."
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"Look at this."
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"This is the original blueprint for Dr. Montgomery's landscaping."
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"that happened before we were born."
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"I am Stephano, Dr. Montgomery Montgomery's new assistant."
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"Well, I see you children haven't changed a bit."
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"Violet, you're obviously as stubborn as ever."
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"that he accidentally dropped his knife on one of her little feet"
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"You wouldn't dare."
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"Yes, it is. They're inside the piano."
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"- Never. - Never is a very long time."
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"And your ridiculous uncle will be back in a few seconds."
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"Run!"
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"Baudelaires!"
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"- How did he find us? - That's the wrong question."
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"and catch a train far away from here."
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"He must have some scheme. I just don't know what it could be."
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"Maybe, they thought, just maybe,"
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"- Monty's back. - Hello!"
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"Well, that is an unusual and long-winded explanation."
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"Uh... so let me understand this."
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"SSSSSS for short."
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"Well, seems everything is settled, then."
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"Come in, come in."
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"Welcome to my home... um..."
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"Stephano. Yes."
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"Ah."
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"A simple misunderstanding."
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"Yes. Well, I'm sure they'll be glad to hear that."
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"- Is that you, Dr. Montgomery? - Yes!"
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"and I'll join you in the Reptile Room!"
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"How silly we were to be afraid."
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"at least three times a day."
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"I might join him on that exercise regimen."
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"would you mind helping me bring things in from my truck?"
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"I got all my shopping done and I even brought takeout for dinner."
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"I am so sorry, Baudelaires."
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"It's clear now that I can't turn my back for a second."
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"who's so starstruck that I can't see what's right in front of me."
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"- Call the authorities? - What does H-A spell?"
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"You think when I was climbing Mount Felix searching for the goat-eating cobra,"
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"before they can darken my doorstep."
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"We must keep an eye on Stephano."
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"and then we'll invite him to the movies tonight."
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"Because..."
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"I don't think I'll be joining tonight."
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"I thought I'd stay in and read up on poisonous venoms."
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"leaving my reptiles alone with a relative stranger."
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"The phone is in the parlor."
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"- Could you please pass the pot stickers? - Yeah."
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"They're all gone."
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"Yes, of course it's more convenient"
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"but I didn't ask for your opinion."
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"Shotgun."
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"And all of the excessive commercials."
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"If anything happens to my sisters or me,"
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"No, I am not going to harm a hair on any Baudelaire head."
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"Two adults, three minors."
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"I decided to treat myself to some popcorn"
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"Come on, children."
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"Seventh row, right of center, that is the best place."
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"There's more to a movie than just a movie."
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"Just like a book can contain crucial secrets about the world of snakes,"
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"Ah, there's so much to learn."
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