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Clips from Malcolm in the Middle - Funeral (S01E01)

"I did a terrible thing today."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Do you know how expensive this was?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"I'm on it."
Malcolm in the Middle
"That was a terrible"
Malcolm in the Middle
"with a crushed Mighty Man?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"M-Mighty Man?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"I don't know how that thing got in my backpack."
Malcolm in the Middle
"As for this Aunt Helen business, no one knows what I would've"
Malcolm in the Middle
"done at that funeral because we're not going."
Malcolm in the Middle
"and apologize to that poor, dead woman."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Egg! Come on!"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Aunt Helen used to say"
Malcolm in the Middle
"(whispering): Yeah, Francis, your father's giving a speech"
Malcolm in the Middle
"You'll never guess what Reese did."
Malcolm in the Middle
"and right now"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Aunt Helen is personally bad-mouthing me to God."
Malcolm in the Middle
""I'll say yon grey is not the morning's eye"
Malcolm in the Middle
""nor that is not the lark"
Malcolm in the Middle
""the vaulty heavens so high above our heads."
Malcolm in the Middle
""I have more care to stay than will to go."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Come, Death. And welcome.""
Malcolm in the Middle
"Malcolm, that was wonderful!"
Malcolm in the Middle
"So sensitive and full of passion."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Before you say anything"
Malcolm in the Middle
"just remember we're best friends."
Malcolm in the Middle
"So that wheelchair"
Malcolm in the Middle
"isn't going to stop me from kicking your ass."
Malcolm in the Middle
"* You're not the boss of me now *"
Malcolm in the Middle
"* And you're not so big *"
Malcolm in the Middle
"* And you're not so big *"
Malcolm in the Middle
"* Life is unfair. **"
Malcolm in the Middle
"You're dead."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Now, honey, that's not quite true."
Malcolm in the Middle
"your body undergoes a fascinating series of changes."
Malcolm in the Middle
"then shrivels like a raisin."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Then tiny microbes"
Malcolm in the Middle
"that your hair keeps growing, but that's... that's a myth."
Malcolm in the Middle
"It's actually your head that shrinks."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Now go get ready for Aunt Helen's funeral."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Julie, listen, I'm sorry I'm canceling out so late."
Malcolm in the Middle
"I mean, it's a funeral."
Malcolm in the Middle
"So, were you close with your aunt?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"She keeps saying how important this is."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Anyway, I'm really sorry."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Well, that's okay."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Who's Jimmy?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Bye."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Oh, yeah. Life's fair."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Did you call that girl?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"and now she's probably going to invite someone else."
Malcolm in the Middle
"the woman who took care of me every day after school..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"I could have made up a million different escape plans"
Malcolm in the Middle
"but now my brain is filled with mom guilt."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Who's this?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Hal?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Dewey..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"is this a friend of yours?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Who is he?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"I don't know."
Malcolm in the Middle
"(inaudible)"
Malcolm in the Middle
"I thought he said Craig."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Egg?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Well, you can't keep him."
Malcolm in the Middle
"I can't wait till I get zits."
Malcolm in the Middle
"At least then I can fight back."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Why are you still messing around with those record albums?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"I thought I was going to spend today in the garage"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Hal!"
Malcolm in the Middle
"I have to get my speech ready."
Malcolm in the Middle
"at every funeral we go to."
Malcolm in the Middle
"To, at... what's the difference?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Hello."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Hey, Mom, I'm just warning you"
Malcolm in the Middle
"It's this guy down the hall."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Play along and pretend you believe him."
Malcolm in the Middle
"He's totally harmless."
Malcolm in the Middle
"I can't talk to you right now."
Malcolm in the Middle
"We're on our way to Aunt Helen's funeral."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Aunt Helen died?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Well, I sure hope so."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Nothing? She's dead."
Malcolm in the Middle
"What?!"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Mom? Hello?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"See? Problem solved."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Hello?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Oh."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Cool. A dead suit."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Dewey, why don't you help"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Dewey: I did. He keeps coming back."
Malcolm in the Middle
"This thing's an open casket, right?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"I think so. Why?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"What is that?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Mom and Dad had it in their closet"
Malcolm in the Middle
"for some reason."
Malcolm in the Middle
"It's Dewey's birthday next week."
Malcolm in the Middle
"This is his present."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Oh."
Malcolm in the Middle
"I stomped on it."
Malcolm in the Middle
"That's why Aunt Helen is getting a new friend."
Malcolm in the Middle
"You're going to bury that with her?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Mom will think I did it"
Malcolm in the Middle
"but she can't prove it without this."
Malcolm in the Middle
"It's in the Constitution..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"(chuckling): Oh, yeah."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Hi, honey."
Malcolm in the Middle
"They were behind the water heater."
Malcolm in the Middle
""Are playing golf with Saint Peter.""
Malcolm in the Middle
"Hal, please."
Malcolm in the Middle
"It's in a box marked "laughter thoughts.""
Malcolm in the Middle
"How did she die?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Cats ate her face."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Dewey, I think you're confused."
Malcolm in the Middle
"I'm asking about Aunt Helen."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Cats ate her face."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Put Mom or Dad on the phone."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Dad, what happened to Aunt Helen?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Mom, I hate wearing Reese's hand-me-downs."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Look at this."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Jelly in the pockets, the fly's broken"
Malcolm in the Middle
"and it smells like wet dog."
Malcolm in the Middle
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