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Clips from Malcolm in the Middle - Funeral (S01E01)

"Well, you should be glad he only wore it once."
Malcolm in the Middle
"You know, I'm trying to be there for Mom"
Malcolm in the Middle
"but the annoyances are starting to outweigh the guilt."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Well, I suppose you're entitled to complain."
Malcolm in the Middle
"After all, it's only my Aunt Helen."
Malcolm in the Middle
"What is she, a mind reader?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"And then there were ants on her bones"
Malcolm in the Middle
"and the police came."
Malcolm in the Middle
"can you think of anything that rhymes with cadaver?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Including traveling time? All day."
Malcolm in the Middle
"But it will make your mom happy."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Oh, God, no. Your mom hated her."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Everyone did. Horrible woman."
Malcolm in the Middle
"I used to have to forbid her from"
Malcolm in the Middle
"calling here 'cause she always made your mom cry."
Malcolm in the Middle
"I now consider myself totally free"
Malcolm in the Middle
"to ditch this funeral."
Malcolm in the Middle
"I got to callJulie."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Hello?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Sorry, I have to make a call."
Malcolm in the Middle
"(dial tone)"
Malcolm in the Middle
"where they think you're dead"
Malcolm in the Middle
"and you wake up at the last second."
Malcolm in the Middle
"I guess we'll pick you up at 2:00."
Malcolm in the Middle
"I figure I'll commit to it first and come up with a plan later."
Malcolm in the Middle
"I always think better under pressure..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"or is it when I'm not under pressure?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"I'm ready to go."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Yeah. Hey!"
Malcolm in the Middle
"You're taking a backpack to the funeral?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"You know, sometimes I forget what I told you"
Malcolm in the Middle
"I swear, I'm not even a part of this family anymore."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Francis, it's very important that you understand"
Malcolm in the Middle
"that is not true"
Malcolm in the Middle
"I understand."
Malcolm in the Middle
"It's not like it's a matter of life and death."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Anyone else die in the last"
Malcolm in the Middle
"five minutes I should know about?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"and I dropped a frying pan on my foot"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Okay, it'll only hurt for a second"
Malcolm in the Middle
"and I'll get out of the funeral."
Malcolm in the Middle
"I can tellJulie a really cool story"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Why are you taking so long? Let's go."
Malcolm in the Middle
"(groans)"
Malcolm in the Middle
"And leave a mark for Mom to see?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Forget it."
Malcolm in the Middle
"No bruises, no evidence..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"I have a big book report due tomorrow"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Standard technique..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"You volunteer a small crime"
Malcolm in the Middle
"So, what's the report on?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Was that on your assignment sheet?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Thursday. I didn't bring it home."
Malcolm in the Middle
"That's why I forgot to do the assignment."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Ooh, nice one."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Well, I suppose if it's school work..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"That's the mislead."
Malcolm in the Middle
"A Tale of Two Cities."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Who's that by?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Oh, I thought it was Victor Hugo."
Malcolm in the Middle
"No, it's Dickens."
Malcolm in the Middle
"That's Les Miserables."
Malcolm in the Middle
"the one with Jean Valjean, where he's says"
Malcolm in the Middle
""It's a far, far better thing I do...""
Malcolm in the Middle
"What?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"No. I said I hadn't written it."
Malcolm in the Middle
"- On Les Miserables? - Yes. No!"
Malcolm in the Middle
"- Right. - But you just said you did."
Malcolm in the Middle
"No, l-I said I didn't, and then you said..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Look, I just don't want to go to this stupid funeral."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Let's go! I'll be waiting in the car."
Malcolm in the Middle
"I am ashamed of you..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Wanting to deny your poor Aunt Helen her due."
Malcolm in the Middle
"No, that won't work on me because I know"
Malcolm in the Middle
"'Course I did. What does that have to do with anything?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"What?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Malcolm, this isn't about love."
Malcolm in the Middle
"It's about family."
Malcolm in the Middle
"We have a duty to this family"
Malcolm in the Middle
"But why?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"It's not fair."
Malcolm in the Middle
"and turn everyone else into slaves."
Malcolm in the Middle
"No one liked this woman"
Malcolm in the Middle
"so why do we have to pretend like we did now?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Hal?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"I could really use some support here."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Excuse me?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"I am being incredibly supportive."
Malcolm in the Middle
"You're not giving up something important."
Malcolm in the Middle
"You-You people."
Malcolm in the Middle
"for this family."
Malcolm in the Middle
"and none of it means anything to any of you people"
Malcolm in the Middle
"and the one time I ask you for something..."
Malcolm in the Middle
"You think I want to be cleaning out the gutters"
Malcolm in the Middle
"when I could be surfing the beaches of Europe"
Malcolm in the Middle
"or-or cruising around on my hog?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Exactly."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Where do you think you're going?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"We could all just do whatever we want"
Malcolm in the Middle
"and I want to take"
Malcolm in the Middle
"a bubble bath!"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Fine!"
Malcolm in the Middle
"(sighs)"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Are you going to be in there all day?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"If I feel like it."
Malcolm in the Middle
"I'm using the bathroom whether you're in here or not."
Malcolm in the Middle
"I mean, she was a good woman."
Malcolm in the Middle
"I don't know what you're trying to pull, but I don't like it."
Malcolm in the Middle
"You're the good one. Enjoy your moment in the sun."
Malcolm in the Middle
"Now, get out of here."
Malcolm in the Middle
"What's your problem?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"I'll have to wait for another relative"
Malcolm in the Middle
"to die to bury this thing."
Malcolm in the Middle
"It could be weeks."
Malcolm in the Middle
"You'll think of something."
Malcolm in the Middle
"You have good ideas all the time"
Malcolm in the Middle
"but for me, this was special."
Malcolm in the Middle
"It's anarchy, baby."
Malcolm in the Middle
"That's the word, right?"
Malcolm in the Middle
"Um... Mom?"
Malcolm in the Middle
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