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Clips from Scrubs - My Road to Nowhere (S06E06)

"Relax. She's pregnant. What could she possibly do?"
Scrubs
"Good boy, Jack. Good boy."
Scrubs
"He can't possibly make this my fault, right?"
Scrubs
"Be careful, he's going fetal."
Scrubs
"is to get as many people as possible to come along."
Scrubs
"- So, are you guys in? - Totally!"
Scrubs
"was when my sorority sisters and I went to Tijuana."
Scrubs
"So it will be nice to go with people who actually like me."
Scrubs
"Why are you always so hard on yourself?"
Scrubs
"Your sorority sisters probably loved you."
Scrubs
"You know, Keith, if the buyer hadn't been an undercover Federale,"
Scrubs
"Elliot would be a slave somewhere,"
Scrubs
"there wouldn't be any uncomfortable sexual tension between us,"
Scrubs
"and you and I would probably be best friends."
Scrubs
"We made plans to finally hang out with my grandma."
Scrubs
"Oh, Keith, the woman is 96 years old."
Scrubs
"There will be plenty of weekends for that. Road trip!"
Scrubs
"You know, you are one special lady, Carla."
Scrubs
"then goes home to change the baby's diapers"
Scrubs
"while her husband and his girlfriend spend the weekend mooning truckers"
Scrubs
"and playing Slug Bug."
Scrubs
"- It's not a big deal. - Oh, but it is."
Scrubs
"If you keep letting Gandhi do whatever he pleases whenever he pleases,"
Scrubs
"eventually you're not even gonna have time"
Scrubs
"to shave your legs or groom your face,"
Scrubs
"thus making the most prominent male figure in your daughter's life, you."
Scrubs
"As soon as I change out of these clothes, I'm out of here!"
Scrubs
"How'd you do that?"
Scrubs
"- Where's Chocolate Bear? - Getting to know his daughter."
Scrubs
"- Keith, take the front seat, sweetie. - I can't."
Scrubs
"Rowdy needs to see the world."
Scrubs
"Do you guys know where I could find a giant carwash?"
Scrubs
"(J.D. EXCLAIMING)"
Scrubs
"All right!"
Scrubs
"(HORN PLAYING DIXIE)"
Scrubs
"Oh, like there's a chance I meant you."
Scrubs
"You're not an idiotic, scalpel-toting,"
Scrubs
"basketball-dribbling, blood-sugar-watching, idiotic man-boy."
Scrubs
"This thing is awesome!"
Scrubs
"What's with all these kimonos?"
Scrubs
"I don't know, but there is a stripper pole in the back."
Scrubs
"Carla's got some serious moves."
Scrubs
"She can even do an inverted spread-leg pole spin."
Scrubs
"Don't touch the kimonos. Those are for Dr. Kelso's various masseuses."
Scrubs
"- Ted, who's driving? - Oh, my bad!"
Scrubs
"Maybe I should drive, so we don't all die! No offense, Ted."
Scrubs
"JONA TAN 3000: We are cruising at a comfortable speed, Dr. Dorian,"
Scrubs
"Of course, Jonathan 3000."
Scrubs
"That's the stuff, you bitch."
Scrubs
"but this is gonna be great, right?"
Scrubs
"Wait. Change of plans, Per. Beat it."
Scrubs
"No, no, no."
Scrubs
"You committed to finding out the sex of the child this time."
Scrubs
"Jordan, the boy already lip-synchs into your tampons."
Scrubs
"Must we put the final nail in his tiny gay coffin?"
Scrubs
"Mama wants that trophy."
Scrubs
"Tell her she can't do this."
Scrubs
"I would, but when she looks at me, my insides get all cold."
Scrubs
"You're a coward. You're a coward."
Scrubs
"Here, I... Here, see if I can't..."
Scrubs
"Oh, thanks, man. That would be awesome."
Scrubs
"(WHISTLES) Beardface! Take your foot and go 90-ish."
Scrubs
"Yeah, attaboy!"
Scrubs
"Yeah!"
Scrubs
"That was awesome, but un-cool."
Scrubs
"- I'm telling Elliot to turn around. - No, no, no."
Scrubs
"Carla, darling, everything's fine with the baby, fine with... Hey, what's that?"
Scrubs
"Now, I'll let you out when you calm down!"
Scrubs
"Open this door, J.D. Let me out!"
Scrubs
"Keith! Come and keep me company. I'm lonely!"
Scrubs
"Hey, you know who else is lonely? My grandma."
Scrubs
"She's a lesbian in a nursing home full of old ladies. You do the math."
Scrubs
"if we could get my grandmother together with your mom."
Scrubs
"- All right, calm down, mama's boy. - Bring it on, tall and sexy!"
Scrubs
"Kick his ass, Ted!"
Scrubs
"That's enough! If you guys can't get along, then just sit down and don't talk!"
Scrubs
"I was not taking a nap on company time in Dr. Kelso's mobile home."
Scrubs
"(GRUNTS)"
Scrubs
"Back to work!"
Scrubs
"- I don't think he knew we were moving. - Elliot, stop!"
Scrubs
"So, can I stop squeezing out brats or is it another stupid boy?"
Scrubs
"Uh-oh."
Scrubs
"Excuse me for a second."
Scrubs
""Uh-oh"? Don't say, "Uh-oh.""
Scrubs
"...road trip right now. - There's a little difference"
Scrubs
"I'm supposed to be on a road trip right now!"
Scrubs
"Okay, let's get you up."
Scrubs
"Where'd everyone go?"
Scrubs
"Ted might have a broken arm and the Janitor is blind!"
Scrubs
"Hey, wait. No. Coming back. Hello!"
Scrubs
"Who's making pancakes?"
Scrubs
"(SCREAMING)"
Scrubs
"Oh, I think he popped it back into joint."
Scrubs
"I can't miss this. I just... I won't."
Scrubs
"Can I say something?"
Scrubs
"J.D.: There are a lot of times in life when you just have to take control."
Scrubs
"Wait, give me those keys! I'm driving."
Scrubs
"Next stop, Kim-town."
Scrubs
"Well, there's a urinary tract obstruction"
Scrubs
"which could be blocking the amniotic fluid."
Scrubs
"I gotta talk to Jordan."
Scrubs
"Mickhead, give me my phone!"
Scrubs
"- It's mine. - Oh, really?"
Scrubs
"Does yours have a picture of Carla in the background?"
Scrubs
"I got Turk!"
Scrubs
"(EXCLAIMS)"
Scrubs
"but the damage wasn't too bad."
Scrubs
"Keith just had to stop accidentally"
Scrubs
"Four aces, I win!"
Scrubs
"Now you only got a six of clubs. I win."
Scrubs
"This is our best chance to restore normal function"
Scrubs
"and minimize the damage to the lungs."
Scrubs
"Fine, but I want to be in there."
Scrubs
"You know we can't allow family members in the OR."
Scrubs
"You gotta be in there for me."
Scrubs
"Don't you see I got a baby strapped to my chest?"
Scrubs
"Now can you?"
Scrubs
"First of all, I'm not a neonatal surgeon."
Scrubs
"and you just gave my baby to Rochelle, the only nurse to get kicked out of"
Scrubs
"the nursery for using a baby as a ventriloquist dummy."
Scrubs
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