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Clips from Scrubs - My Road to Nowhere (S06E06)

"J.D.: Not only did I have"
Scrubs
"a long-distance girlfriend who was pregnant,"
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"(J.D. GROANING)"
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"If she's still alive, I'll deal with it then."
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"Now, take the rest of the day off and get her washed and waxed."
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"Mazel tov, you are the proud owner of yet another kidney stone!"
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"I gotta find an apartment. I live in a teepee."
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"I don't know if it's the hormones"
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"so he can see his ultrasound."
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"Sure."
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"would be totally Dorian."
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"Gandhi?"
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"(GROANING)"
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"J.D.: The secret to a great road trip"
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"The last road trip I went on"
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"Keith, they tried to sell me."
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"Oh, well, we still can't make it."
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"while you take care of the baby,"
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"I'm going. You're staying."
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"Gandhi, I'm great at this stuff. Don't ever talk to Jordan again."
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"J.D.: I knew that little tan baby would eventually ruin everything."
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"We need a bigger ride."
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"(HORN BLARING)"
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"- Hey, cutie. - Hey."
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"So, you're here for your ultrasound, huh?"
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"I can't believe you're gonna let him know the sex,"
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"especially when you could..."
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"You could learn the sex, not tell Perry, hold it over his head"
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"It's not like I took a pole-dancing class or anything."
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"None taken."
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"and should arrive ahead of schedule."
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"- Oh, yeah. Just like that. - All right."
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"It can get lonely on the road, even for computers,"
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"And now, if we slide the wand over here,"
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"we'll see if it's a boy or a girl."
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"unless you work out a routine with Jack for the parent-child dance recital."
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"Uh-oh."
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"He's not answering! Something's wrong with the baby!"
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"And then I realized that my dad had hugged me at my graduation."
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"Not with his arms, you know, but with his brain."
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"Amen to that."
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"- What are you doing here? - I'll tell you what I wasn't doing here."
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"Not this guy."
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"See? He's great and so's Ted."
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"You guys, Turk told me how amazing it was when he saw Izzy's ultrasound."
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"I admire his spirit, and if he says we must continue onward,"
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"then I say I am in!"
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"You have to operate on my baby while it's still in the womb?"
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"(RING TONE PLAYING GU Y LO VE)"
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"That tunnel looks kind of small."
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"making the "please honk your horn" sign to passing truckers."
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"Okay, baby, bye."
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"There's a problem with Jordan's ultrasound."
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"ROCHELLE: (SQUEAKILY) I don't like being spanked."
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"Give me that!"
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"(HORN BLARING)"
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"I didn't see a truck!"
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"Good luck."
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"I would be breaking every hospital protocol."
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"And you know damn well I would never be that inappropriate."
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"Oh, thanks, sugar-boobs."
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"Enid asked me to get her tickets to see Al Green for her birthday."
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"I forgot, now it's sold out. Can you call him for me?"
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"Sir, do you think I know Al Green just because I'm black?"
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"Plan B. Also, lucky for you, Enid has gone blind from glaucoma."
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"Now, here's what I need."
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"J.D.: In life, it's never easy to know what's waiting for you"
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"J.D.: Sometimes you find a moment that knocks you on your ass."
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"Other times, it just takes your breath away."
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"Fair enough."
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"(TURNS OF TV)"
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"I like to show some form of emotion."
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"In three months, it's gonna outgrow that shunt,"
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"And just how could you be so sure of that?"
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"- She? - Yeah, Daddy."
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"You okay?"
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"And now it's gone. I kind of miss it."
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"Ow we felt about each other."
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"They would."
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"And at the end of it all,"
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"we both realized that without a baby in the picture,"
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"Bummer. Now, why am I back in here again?"
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"No, I have to see if your kidney stone has dissolved yet."
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"The good ones that make everything okay."
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"We're having a baby girl."
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"There's Papa's pleasure palace! Looks great, Teddy!"
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"I'm going on vacation."
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"but I still hadn't found an apartment."
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"So, I was living on my half-acre in a tent."
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"- Stop stealing our power. - You are ruining our neighborhood!"
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"Oh, really, Donna?"
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"Were you guys having sex last night or raping a baboon?"
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"- I wasn't home last night. - My bad."
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"Check out that body. Bet you'd like to give her a ride, huh?"
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"- You betcha. - Over here, perv."
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"So it's wheelchair accessible for her, sir?"
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"Ted, I'm not retiring for at least three years."
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"(GROWLING)"
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"All right, Mr. Mariani."
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"Did you try laying off the red meat, buddy?"
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"I'm trying, Doc, but it's hard."
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"Wow, there's nothing like that first ultrasound. Bring tissue."
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"COX: Dorian"
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"You have been wrong about so many things"
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"that I'm not even going to say something's "wrong" anymore."
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"Instead, I'm going to say, "It's Dorian.""
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"And the fact that you'd be willing to skip seeing"
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"that child's heartbeat for the first time is just plain Dorian."
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"and I couldn't be more giddy."
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"I can't wait to find out the sex of that unborn tax break."
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"Jordan doesn't let you know the sex until the baby's born."
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"Dorian again."
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"but Jordan has softened."
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"In fact, last night she..."
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"She asked me to cuddle."
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"Baby, I need permission to road trip J.D.. To Tacoma"
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"I think not giving you permission to do this for your friend"
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"J.D.: Ow is this spreading so quickly?"
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"Did you tell Jordan what I said about her wanting to cuddle?"
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"She doesn't like people to know that she actually cares for me."
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