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Clips from The Office - The Whale (S09E09)

"discussing her needs."
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"This is gonna work out best for you"
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"Okay, let's stop here. Anyone have any thoughts?"
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"I have, uh, written down a few questions."
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"One. Have you ever killed a woman?"
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"How many women have you killed?"
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"Please, sir, will you not kill me?"
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"Okay, let's get started."
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"Uh, well, you're the only one on."
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"We're all here."
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"- That's the winter season. - I, uh--"
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"Three months."
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"[Whispering] I, uh..."
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"Are you in your office right now?"
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"Okay. [Laughs]"
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"Yeah, it's sounding kind of spooky-sexy over here, Halpert."
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"[Normal voice] Oh."
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"[Clears throat, deep voice] Sorry. I-I, uh--"
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"I was saying that you should probably just call me--"
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"I think there's, uh-- I think there's been a mistake."
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"I should've just had--"
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"What's happening in three months?"
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"Okay, when you're selling to women,"
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"Also, you want to respect their..."
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"That's impossible."
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"Listening happens in the ear and in the brain."
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"I mean, some organisms have external hairs"
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"but unfortunately, our external hairs don't vibrate at all."
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"Huh. Uh-huh."
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"A little smile and a nod shows that I hear you."
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"- Got it? - Kind of."
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"what we were doing earlier today,"
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"Well, we were in the warehouse,"
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"where we were discussing the mural"
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"that I've commissioned Pam to paint there."
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"We were talking about the color schemes"
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"and the major themes we want to hit--"
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"cutting down trees to make paper."
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"It's just up and down..."
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"- Yeah. - We can do this, all right?"
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"And then we thought we'd..."
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"I can't. I just-- I can't carry on with that face."
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"Look at it. I'm gonna get nightmares with that face."
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"That's a bit extreme."
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"Oh, all right. God, Dwight."
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"Uh, just ignore every instinct you have."
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"It's all garbage, okay?"
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"You're the woman. I'm the salesman."
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"Watch what I do and try to learn."
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"[Soft voice] Okay, I'm the woman."
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"- Okay. - No."
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"Miss Thomas, so good to see you."
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"Hello."
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"Oh, are those your kids? They're so cute."
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"They could be models."
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"Thank you. I'm so proud of them."
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"I carried each one of them for nine months"
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"inside of my torso and then pushed them out of my vagina."
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"He's hopeless."
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"Ten years ago, I didn't care"
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"if Dwight got married or died a beet-farming bachelor."
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"But having kids makes you so soft."
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"I used to watch Pulp Fiction and laugh,"
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"and now I'm like, "that poor gimp is somebody's child.""
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"Look, I have no problem with women."
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"and their shoulder pads."
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"Businesswomen are just normal, nice, reasonable people."
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"I had a barber once who used to comb my hair gently."
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"Okay, so, when you're selling to this woman,"
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"just imagine she's that nice, reasonable barber."
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"- Okay, I can do that. - Mm-hmm. Good. Baby steps."
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"Like, he used to make dogs fight,"
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"Little of this, little of that."
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"Which one is the instructor?"
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"They're all fatties."
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"- Angela, Angela. - [Gasps]"
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"Oh, my God. Oh, my God."
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"Oh, so wait."
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"Blake is a her."
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"Oh, my God."
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"She's so stunningly tiny."
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"Holy cow, look at what they're doing."
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"She's repositioning his hips for downward-facing dog."
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"[Gasps] I've heard of this--"
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"dog style."
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"[Gasps] Thumbelina has a boyfriend."
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"I'd like to see that run for office."
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"Oscar, you were right."
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"I had nothing to be worried about."
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"Thank you. Let's go. Let's go."
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"- No, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - Ow."
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"Shut up. Hold on, hold on, hold on."
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"Look."
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"- This is fun. - Oh--"
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"This is fun."
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"Jim, we're having a lot of trouble hearing you."
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"The-- the-- the-- what I was saying is the real genius was--"
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"Hey! Are those skateboarders back?"
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"- Jim? Jim, are you there? - Where are they?"
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"- It was, uh... - Little punks."
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"It was in the authentic design, right?"
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"So, I mean, you really felt like Michael Jordan"
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"- Jordan wore them for nobody? - No, no, no..."
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"We're not following you, Halpert."
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"This ends now!"
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"Have a seat. Um, she will be right in."
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"Oh, great. Oh, I'm sorry."
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"Do you mind telling me her name? I realized we don't have it."
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"It's Jan."
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"Oh, dear God in heaven."
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"Jan used to be one of my superiors,"
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"- You're firing me? - I'm in an interview."
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"Where the hell do you get off?"
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"Jim and I are pretty sure she had an affair"
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"with her ex-assistant Hunter."
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"But she looks great."
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"If she asks, will you tell her I said that?"
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"Forget everything we taught you."
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"Hey, Jan! It's so great to see you!"
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"- Where's Wallace? - What?"
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