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Clips from Friends - The One Where Emma Cries (S09E09)

"Come on, little girl. Oh, yes. Hello, Emma. Hello. Hi."
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"I'm sorry. Oh, Mommy's so sorry. Go back to sleep. Shh, shh, shh."
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"How long do you think we have to stay?"
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"Okay, if everyone's on board, it's settled."
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"Chandler?"
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"McKENNA: Are you on board?"
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"Yes."
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"Well, then problem solved. Chandler will run our office in Tulsa."
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"You're gonna love Oklahoma."
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"All right. We already tried feeding her, changing her, burping her..."
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"Oh, try this one. "Go back in time and listen to Phoebe.""
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"- All right, here's something. - What?"
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"It says to try holding the baby close to your body..."
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"...and then swing her rapidly from side to side."
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"Okay."
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"It worked!"
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"Oh. No. Just stopped to throw up a little bit."
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"Oh."
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"Oh. Mon, what am I gonna do?"
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"It's been hours, and it won't stop crying."
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"- She, Rach. Not it. She. - Yeah. I'm not so sure."
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"- Oh, my God, I'm losing my mind. - Yeah, no kidding."
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"All right, this just proves no good can come from having sex with Ross!"
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"Hey, Gunther. Can I get a couple of blueberry muffins to go?"
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"- Diapers, huh? - Yep."
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"So I guess Rachel had your baby?"
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"- Yep. Can you believe it? - Nope."
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"I can't even believe she slept with you in the first place."
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"Huh?"
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"Oh. Oh. You, ha, ha, mean, like, uh..."
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"Hey."
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"Uh, actually, uh, we don't."
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"Fine. Okay. But I gotta say, technically, I didn't even do anything wrong."
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"What? You didn't do anything wrong?"
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"- I said I didn't technically. - Okay."
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"Let's put aside the fact that you "accidentally"..."
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"...picked up my grandmother's ring and you "accidentally" proposed to Rachel."
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"Can I just stop you there for a second?"
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"When people do this:"
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"I don't really know what that means."
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"You were saying?"
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"And I could even understand that you couldn't tell Rachel."
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"But why couldn't you tell me, huh? You had all day to, and you didn't."
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"I know. I should've. "I'm sorry.""
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"Not using it right, Joe."
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"Oh. "I'm sorry.""
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"- I'm gonna go. - No, come on."
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"No, I don't know what else to do. I said I'm sorry, now..."
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"Now you should scream at me or curse me or hit me."
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"You know you want to, I can see it in your eyes."
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"- No, I don't. - A little bit."
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"- No. - Little bit."
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"- No. - A little bit more."
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"- Give me the bag. Give me the bag. - No, hit me. Hit me."
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"- Give me the bag. I'm not kidding. - Hit me."
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"- No. - Hit me. Hit me. Hit me!"
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"- You ducked! - I'm sorry! It was a reflex!"
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"- Oh, my God! This really hurts! - I couldn't help it."
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"When a fist comes at your face, you duck. Look."
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"What is the matter with you?"
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"You were supposed to duck! Why didn't you?"
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"Let's talk on the way to the hospital."
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"Good. Yeah, maybe while we're there, they can check your reflexes."
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"Oops!"
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"- Try feeding her again. - I already fed her."
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"You guys, we can't turn on each other, okay?"
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"That's just what she wants."
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"- Hi. - Hey."
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"Just stay here. I'm gonna check her diaper. Pheebs, you wanna come?"
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"Oh, I'm kind of part of this."
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"Actually, it's a husband-and-wife kind of thing."
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"- Okay, what's up? - Okay. Um, ahem."
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"You know we said it would be fun to move to Paris for a year?"
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"And you could study French cooking, and I could write..."
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"...and we could picnic along the Seine, and go wine-tasting in Bordeaux."
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"- Oh, yeah. - Okay."
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"You know how people say that Tulsa..."
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"...is the Paris of Oklahoma?"
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"What? Who says that?"
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"People who have never been to Paris?"
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"- Well, what's going on? - We're moving to Tulsa."
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"Oh."
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"Ms. McKenna, she kind of, uh, works above my boss..."
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"She asked me to move to Tulsa and be president of our office there."
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"And I was sleeping and apparently said yes."
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"- Tulsa, Oklahoma? - The Sooner State."
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"Whatever that is."
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"Chandler, I don't even want to see the musical Oklahoma."
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""Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin"'? "Surrey With the Fringe on Top"?"
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"Are you trying to tell me we're moving to Oklahoma or that you're gay?"
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"All right, not that this matters, but did they at least offer you a huge raise?"
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"No. But they are going to lease us a Ford Focus."
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"- I'll get out of it. - Thank you."
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"- What is wrong with Emma? - Oh, she misunderstood."
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"She thought she was moving to Tulsa."
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"Ma'am, uh, do you have a minute?"
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"I kind of have some bad news. I don't think I can move to Tulsa."
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"- What? - Uh, it's a funny story, actually."
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"Ha, ha. Ahem."
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"So when I said I'd move to Tulsa, I didn't really know what I was saying."
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"You fell asleep?"
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"But only because I was up all night worried about this meeting."
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"Isn't that funny?"
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"Irony. Not a fan? All right."
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"I went home and told my wife about Tulsa, and she won't go."
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"See me, I love Tulsa. Tulsa is heaven. Tulsa is Italy."
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"- Chandler, I... - No, no, no."
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"Look, Carol. Can I call you Carol?"
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"Why would I when your name is Elaine?"
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"Sorry. Oh!"
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"What a great picture of your son. Strapping."
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"Well, she's lovely. I like a girl with a strong jaw."
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"I'll call you from Tulsa."
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"Hey. So, uh, how is it?"
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"- I broke my thumb. - Your thumb?"
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"Maybe later."
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"Ross, I feel terrible."
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"You know what, you can go. I just have to, uh, fill out some forms."
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"Name?"
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"No, I know Ross. But what's it short for?"
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