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Clips from The Dukes of Hazzard - One Armed Bandits (S01E01)

"Well, the word got out and old Rosco was reelected."
The Dukes of Hazzard
"Which meant the Dukes could still fight an enemy they knew."
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"Jill decided to hang around an extra week."
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"Old Boss was really burned at Rosco..."
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"for taking all the credit for saving the orphanage."
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"After all, they were his slot machines."
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"So that's the legend of how Sheriff Rosco helped save the orphanage..."
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"and made gambling respectable in Hazzard County."
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"Of course...he had a little help."
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"Crazy Cooter taIking. Turkey coming right down my aIIey."
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"I'm having a picnic. Which way to the beach?"
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"I want those sIot machines."
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"Now we got them."
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"-Happy Birthday, Daisy. -Why, thank you, Enos."
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"Don't stand there. Go get her."
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"Welcome to Hazzard County."
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"Welcome to Hazzard County."
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"You've probably noticed there's something different here."
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"Well, this is Hazzard County. They do things different here."
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"This is Bo Duke and Luke Duke. They're cousins."
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"They fight the system."
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"When I got up, the thing on my mind was to do a IittIe rabbit hunting."
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"-And then the hound dog runs off. -And my car is taken."
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"And now we're chasing the Sheriff's car."
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"Ain't you gIad we ain't in the big city where Iife gets compIicated?"
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"Do you mind waiting tiII this is over."
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"Move it. What are you doing? Taking a break?"
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"If you'd tuned this car instead of chasing women..."
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"-we'd have aIready had him. -Not with you asIeep at the wheeI."
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"-Grab that sign. -You grab it."
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"-I can't. I'm driving. -Is that what you caII it?"
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"It wouIdn't be much of a chase if we do."
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"Bo, you drive Iike my fanny whips appIe butter."
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"You know what? I kind of admire the way he handIes that thing."
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"Shoot fire and save box matches!"
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"Cooter Davenport. You ain't got the sense the good Lord promised a turkey."
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"Ain't you gonna see what he did with your car?"
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"You borrowed my car. What did you do with it?"
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"I used it to run the Sheriff off the road to make him mad. When he jumped out--"
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"You jumped into his, right? Why did you steaI the Sheriff's car?"
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"He impounded mine. Seemed onIy fair to take his."
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"Using my car? Oh, that's reaI good, Cooter."
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"I toId you not to Iend Cooter your car."
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"No."
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"HeIIo, bandit."
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"-What's that doing there? -Maybe it was took in a raid."
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"There ain't no sIot machines in Hazzard County."
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"There is gonna be soon. He's bringing them in."
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"-Who is? -Sheriff Rosco CoItrane."
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"That's him. Sheriff Rosco Coltrane."
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"After 30 years as a fairly honest lawman..."
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"most of Rosco's pension got defeated in the last bond election."
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"This left Rosco to face retirement on a bad case of hemorrhoids."
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"So overnight, Rosco became the best lawman that money could buy."
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"and even portable prostitution in two cruising RV campers."
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"That means the one man he's got to see is Boss Hogg."
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"You can tell a lot about a man by what he eats for breakfast."
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"Boss usually has coffee and raw liver."
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"Well, at least he don't dunk it."
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"Did the poIice get your car back?"
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"Boss, Iisten, I don't think I'm getting enough rake-off on them sIot machines."
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"I mean, I got a Iot of expenses, with the eIection and it's...."
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"Listen, I'm taking aII responsibiIity of putting them sIot machines in."
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"Rosco, I've overpaid any debt I'II ever have to you."
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"-Because you married my fat sister. -I married your fat sister."
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"-Boss, about the eIection-- -You'd just better win."
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"can't be bought."
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"You mean to teII me he's honest?"
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"He's so crooked, he makes you Iook straight."
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"But he's cIean ruthIess."
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"You're dirty ruthIess. Give me dirty ruthIess any day."
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"Listen, I'm gonna beat him. I'II beat him."
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"Rosco, with your image right now..."
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"-if you were the onIy man running-- -I'd come in second."
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"You'd come in second."
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"Jesse is a retired moonshiner."
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"Although he's well-read, he's rough as a mouthful of bark when he's riled."
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"when they eat at the garage, on donuts and beer."
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"You get your car back from the Sheriff yet?"
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"Dumb Cooter Davenport."
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"Dumb Cooter? You're the one that Ioaned your car to him."
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"Next time you wanna Ioan your car to a fooI Iike that, just run it over a cIiff."
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"Save gas."
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"-Mr. Duke. -Oh, howdy."
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"Remember me? JiII Dodson. The orphanage fund?"
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"Sure. And I got some money ready for you."
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"Thank you so much. Excuse me."
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"I reaIIy appreciate everything that you've done."
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"JiII Dodson. You're IittIe JiIIie Rae Dodson?"
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"It's just JiII now."
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"I haven't seen you since you ran off to coIIege."
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"It's been a whiIe."
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"Hey, Luke, ain't it wonderfuI what hormones can do?"
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"Since I got back I've been working on the orphanage project."
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"What about the county funds?"
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"UnfortunateIy, it's not eIigibIe for county funds."
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"It was privateIy endowed years ago."
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"The money just seems to have run out now."
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"So you're gonna save the oId pIace aII by yourseIf?"
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"Me and Luke wouId be gIad to heIp out. WouIdn't we, Luke?"
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"-Nope. -What do you mean nope?"
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"It's your civic duty."
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"Bo's aIways bragging on me."
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"You know what I remember most about you?"
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"-What? -Your crush on me."
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"Isn't it funny how our tastes change when we mature."
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"-Was that a compIiment? -You'd probabIy think it is."
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"Now, all this romance does eventually fit into Rosco's election."
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"So y'all stick with us."
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"All the elite go there."
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"lt has a $1 cover charge to keep out the riffraff."
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"I just don't understand you."
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"Why don't you wanna heIp JiII with the orphanage fund?"
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"We got nothing eIse cooking."
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"She don't do nothing for me. I hate skinny women."
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"You just ain't got no taste, that's aII."
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"I swear, if women were birds, you'd probabIy date a buzzard."
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"And you'd date a crane. No meat."
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"-I'm coIIecting these. -What for?"
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"Lining the rabbit's cage."
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