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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Griffin Equivalency (S02E02)

"Creepy, Howard."
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"- Baby wipe? - Why do you have--?"
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"I had to sanitize my hands because the university..."
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"...replaced the paper towels in the restrooms with hot-air blowers."
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"Hot-air blowers are incubators and spewers of bacteria and pestilence."
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"Between him not talking, him talking, and him..."
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"...l'm better off alone."
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"Remember that little object I spotted beyond the Kuiper belt?"
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"If I had a million guesses, I never would have gotten that."
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"You'd do the dolphins."
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"It's a lease."
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"You proud of yourself?"
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"You were hiding from me as an unbalanced charge..."
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"...weren't you, you little subatomic dickens?"
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"- Hi, Sheldon. - Hey, look, I found my missing neutrino."
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"Oh, no, I beg to differ."
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"Of the three of us, I was by far the most supportive."
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"Really? Do tell."
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"How will Raj ever reach true greatness if his friends lower the bar for him?"
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"It's so sad."
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"It's what you and I call condescension."
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"Smile."
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"But you didn't discover him. You merely noticed he was here..."
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"- You don't have to go to trouble. - How about von Gerlach's old office?"
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"Told you."
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"And this boy's picture in People Magazine..."
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"...is gonna raise us a pile of money taller than--"
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"- I have a Master's degree. - Who doesn't?"
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"It's the same food as the cafeteria, only fresh."
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"- Come on, little buddy. - Okay, big buddy."
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"- You can stop smiling now. - Ah."
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"So anyway, after a fantastic lunch..."
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"They shot me in front of a starry background where I posed like this:"
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"Right, a ball of hot, flaming gas that collapses upon itself."
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"They gave him an assistant?"
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"Alrighty? Koothrappali out."
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"God bless that boy."
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"Yes, but I'm finding that having a lackey suits me."
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"In India, we just call them untouchables."
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"- Oh, gee, thanks. - Oh, you're welcome."
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"There's a tribe in Papua New Guinea..."
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"No, I could-- No."
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"- Sheldon? - I can make it, but I won't."
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"A tremendous accomplishment would be if the planetary body he discovered..."
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"Shame on you guys."
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"- Now? - Now."
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"Um, yeah. Why, what's wrong with it?"
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"Nothing. I was just hoping for something a little more, you know, ridonkulous."
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"Hey, Leonard."
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"They're just learning English."
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"Pass."
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"Let's just eat so I can get to bed."
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"With any luck, tonight will be the night my sleep apnea kills me."
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"Did you ask for the chicken to be diced, not shredded?"
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"- Thank you. - You're welcome."
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"- Just sit down and eat. - Fine."
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"He's not going to have intercourse with Penny."
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"Then there's no excuse for this chicken."
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"That's Northwest Texas. I'm from East Texas, the Gulf region."
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"Home to many Vietnamese shrimpers."
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"No."
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"Anyway, when I was 8..."
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"While others mourned Lucky..."
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"...I realized his untimely demise provided me with the opportunity to replace him..."
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"...with something more suited to my pet needs."
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"Yeah, I was studying recombinant DNA technology..."
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"...but my parents were unwilling to secure the necessary eagle eggs and lion semen."
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"What's your point?"
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"They could be murderers or the carriers of unusual pathogens."
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"You know, a guy who has your back."
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"Yes, it's very nice. Good night, Raj."
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"Wait, wait, wait. That's my mommy and daddy calling from India."
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"- Why would you say that? - Just making conversation."
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"So she's not Indian. The boy's sowing some wild oats."
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"Just gonna set you on down over here."
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"She's feisty."
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"Let's see, Raj was the kung pao chicken."
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"Creepy good or creepy bad?"
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"Come to papa, you un-kosher delight."
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"I'm not necessarily talking to the food."
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"Sit over there."
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"- No, don't ask. - No, don't, don't."
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"I thought the blowers were more sanitary."
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"It'd be more hygienic if they had a plague-infested gibbon..."
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"...sneeze my hands dry."
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"Do you think you'll ever be able to talk in front of me without being drunk?"
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"- She's so considerate. - So, what's your news?"
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"Oh, yeah, 2008-NQ sub-17."
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"Or as I call it, Planet Bollywood."
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"Anyway, because of my discovery..."
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"...People Magazine is naming me one of their 30 Under 30 to Watch."
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"- Raj, that's incredible. - Congratulations."
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"Excuse me, 30 what under 30 what to watch what?"
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"Thirty visionaries under 30 years of age to watch..."
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"...as they challenge the preconceptions of the fields."
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"They've got me in with a guy doing something about hunger in Indonesia..."
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"...a psychotherapist using dolphins to rehabilitate prisoners..."
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"...and Ellen Page, star of the charming independent film Juno."
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"Oh, I'd so do her."
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"Do I get a mention..."
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"...for designing the telescope camera mounting bracket?"
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"...in which a humble boy from New Delhi..."
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"I'm confused. Was there some sort of peer-review committee..."
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"...to determine which scientists would be included?"
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"Peer review? It's People Magazine. People picked me."
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"What? Yeah, but exactly who are these people?"
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"What makes accidentally noticing a hunk of rock..."
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"...traipsing around the solar system for billions of years..."
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"...more noteworthy than any other scientific accomplishment by someone under 30?"
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"Boy, I'll bet Ellen Page's friends aren't giving her this kind of crap."
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"In general, yes."
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"Oh, there's my missing neutrino."
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"Oh, good, we can take it off the milk carton."
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"We're gonna apologize and invite Raj out to dinner."
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"Apologize? For what?"
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"He came over last night with some pretty good news and we weren't very supportive."
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"I sense you're trying to tell me something."
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"You were a colossal asshat."
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"When I was 11, my sister bought our father a "world's greatest dad" coffee mug."
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"And frankly, the man coasted until the day he died."
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