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Clips from The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel - Doink (S01E01)

"Uh... you-you know,"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- I don't get that. - It's a boxing thing."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Oh. Oh, okay, I get it. Thank you, sir."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Ooh, I get so mad when he comes home late,"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"I grab the frying pan, hit him over the head,"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"and doink."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Doink?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"An-And... and my mother is so nosy,"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"That's M-E-D-D-L-E, not-not M-E-D-A-L."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- Ooh."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"You think you could do better, asshole?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Then stand up and make 'em laugh."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Come on. Let's see what you got."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"What? You leave your balls at home? - AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Oh!"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Um, a Spanish magician tells the audience"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"He says, "Uno, dos." Poof."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Why doesn't this stupid place have a backstage?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Are you trying to humiliate me?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"I just want to get the hell out of here."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"What are you doing here?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Nice job? Were you listening?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"The whole time."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- How do you know Herb Smith? - She answered my ad"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"in the Hollywood Reporter. Hi, Susie."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"You hired the Stage Deli bottom-feeder to write your act?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"All based on her notebook."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Nothing from these cards came from my notebook."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Yeah, because he sells the same crappy jokes"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"to everyone who hires him."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"That would have been a dumb thing to put in the ad."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"It was all miss, Herb. Nothing hit!"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Please tell me you did not pay this guy."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Oh, he's got a thought."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"The husband joke."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"It's... "Doy-yoy-yoy-yoy-yoink!""
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"your screams are gonna drown out the doy-yoy-yoy-yoy-yoy-yoink!"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Herb Smith."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- Really? - I needed help."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"I didn't want to bomb again."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- Oh, mission accomplished. - Ha, ha."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Geez. If I wanted an act like that,"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Real nice. - I thought we were doing this together."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- Are we not doing this together? - I'm here, aren't I?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"You go behind my back, you hire a guy to help you."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"I'm here to help you."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"and you were pushing me to go on."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"I wanted you to have a good audience. - Great job."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- Hey, fuck you. - No, fuck you."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"I can't do this anymore."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- I'd hate it. - Well, there you go."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- Not anymore. - Oh. Again?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Yeah."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Go get your purse."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Go on home."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"But this is good-bye, Miriam."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Or Sadie, or Cuntsy Lou Who or whatever your name is."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Because that's all you and I are."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Uh, don't forget your comedy cards."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"You paid good money for them."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Don't forget to cancel that phone you ordered."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
""Excuse me, are you staring at me?""
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- in mixed company? - Yes. - Yes."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"And so, the priest says, "The Vatican's full"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
""of a lot of priests, all in robes who look just like me."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"How do you know that was me?""
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"This is a dirty joke."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- - SHIRLEY: I knew it. - So did I."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"All right. I'll resume smelling my dessert wine"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Excuse me, everyone, I'm going to go freshen up."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"You're gorgeous, too, Shirl."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Oh, Mrs. Maisel..."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- No. - What?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"she doesn't eat. She's a shiksa."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- So? - Shiksas are for practice."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Want to say that a little louder?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"You don't even know her."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"It's not a girl you marry."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"She's a good girl. Sweet."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- You'd hate her no matter what. - Yeah. Convince yourself"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"No."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"I'm eating her dessert."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Oh, there she is."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"I stole... I stole your dessert."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"That's okay, Mrs. Maisel."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- It's gonna be dirty again. - It's not gonna be dirty."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"There's nothing dirty about it."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Wait, is this the dirty temple joke?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Are you sure?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"It ends with cabbage up the chimney."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"* Life upon the wicked stage *"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- And it begins. - Good luck."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Excuse me."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Where's the kitchenware department?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- Fourth floor. - Thank you."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"No, wait. Sixth."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- Nope. Fifth. - Uh, kitchenware's"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"on the third floor, southwest side."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"You look like you haven't had any fun lately."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"No, really. It'll be fun."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- * Life upon the wicked stage * - Maybe."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- Hello? - Joel, hi. It's me."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"We, uh, meeting in the lobby or outside?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Joel, sorry, but we got to beg off."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"What? - We're stuck here. Babysitter just canceled."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"She canceled?"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Last second. She's never done this."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"And Imogene's not feeling well."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"It's a Broadway show. There's no raincheck."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"- Arch. - I'm sorry, buddy."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Yeah. See you tomorrow."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"* A Be-bop baby *"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"* A Be-bop baby *"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"* She got plenty of rhythm, got plenty of jive *"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"* My love for her's so tender and sweet *"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"* Just as sweet as she can be... *"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Lot of nice girls down in makeup."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"Comes with the territory."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"It's funny how we all grew up watching him on TV,"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"* She's the gal for me... *"
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
"but that's not why I'm here, Arnie."
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
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