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Clips from Friends - The One with the Birthing Video (S08E08)

"Chandler, if you thought I was gonna get you porn for Valentine's Day..."
Friends
"...you were right."
Friends
"Apparently, it's about a girl who moves to the city in search of stardom..."
Friends
"...but ends up having sex with a lot of guys."
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"It got four stars."
Friends
"Oh, wait a minute. Those aren't stars."
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"- Anyway, you wanna take a look? - Well..."
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"- I'm not really in a sexy mood right now. - Hey, what's going on?"
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"...how long it took to go back in the water?"
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"Chandler, we can't let this tape wreck Valentine's Day."
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"- You don't know. You didn't see it. - Childbirth is a natural thing. It's beautiful."
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"Oh, beautiful? Really? Huh, really?"
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"You think this is beautiful?"
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"[WOMAN SCREAMING ON TV]"
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"Oh, my God! No wonder my mother hates me!"
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"- See, honey, there's... - Don't touch me!"
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"- Hi! - Hey!"
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"- Hi. - Hi."
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"- So how was Atlantic City? - Good."
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"- I brought you back a present. - What...?"
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"Come on, you didn't have to..."
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"- Saltwater taffy? - Ha-ha-ha."
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"- Thanks. - Mm."
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"It's interesting, most people think this is made with seawater."
Friends
"But it's actually made with, uh, salted fresh water."
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"That's not interesting."
Friends
"- I think it's interesting. - I do too. I missed you!"
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"- Me too. How was your week? - Oh, it was good."
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"- Actually, the baby started kicking. - How exciting."
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"Yeah, aw. It was amazing."
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"The only sad thing is, I wasn't around when it happened the first time."
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"- Oh, no. - I was missing out on all this stuff."
Friends
"- Joey suggested Rachel move in with me. - Ha, ha. Yeah, right."
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"- What? - Joey cracks me up."
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""Yeah, have your ex-wife move in. That wouldn't be awkward at all." Heh."
Friends
"Huh. Heh."
Friends
"Hey, imagine, I go away for a few days..."
Friends
"...I come back and my boyfriend is living with some woman he got pregnant."
Friends
"[LAUGHING]"
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"[MUMBLES]"
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"How could you not tell Mona that Rachel is living with you?"
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"I don't know. She seemed to think it was such a crazy idea."
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"Plus, she, uh... She got me taffy."
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"- Taffy, really? I've never had any. - Ever?"
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"So are you just never gonna tell her?"
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"No, no, I will. I just want to butter her up first."
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"I'm gonna take her to an amazing Valentine's dinner..."
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"...do all this romantic stuff."
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"And then, when she thinks I'm the best boyfriend in the world..."
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"...then I tell her my pregnant ex-girlfriend is living with me."
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"If I haven't said it before, she's a lucky, lucky lady."
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"So where are...? What the mother of crap is up with this stuff?"
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"God, is it gum? Is it food? What's the deal?"
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"Oh, it's nice. May I try a pink one?"
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"So between her and me being friends, and her history with Ross..."
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"...it just isn't gonna happen."
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"It'd be like you falling in love with a cat."
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"- Hey. JOEY: Hey."
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"Hey, buddy. How's my favorite dog, huh? How's my favorite dog?"
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"- Did you give him a beer? - No."
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"- Will you excuse us? We need to talk. - Sure."
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"Oh, me, right."
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"- He's miserable. What happened to him? - Nothing."
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"- We just talked about stuff. - What stuff?"
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"Rachel stuff."
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"Oh, Joey, you bummed him out! This is the happiest dog in the world."
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"He spends a day with you, and look at him."
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"He's breathing."
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"- I'll take him back to Wendy's. - No, no, no. He's fine."
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"Hey, look. Look."
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"Here's your ball! Get the ball!"
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"Get your ball! Get your ball! Get your ball!"
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"Get... God, what have I done to you? Huh?"
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"I broke the dog, Pheebs! I broke the dog!"
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"I'm, uh, going to pick up Mona. What you got going on tonight?"
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"I've got Chinese food on the way, and the rest of your saltwater taffy."
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"It's interesting. Most people think that's made with seawater, when in fact..."
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"Ross, we actually watched the documentary together."
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"[KNOCKING ON DOOR]"
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"Mona?"
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"- What are...? Hi! - Hi."
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"What are you doing here? I'm supposed to pick you up."
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"Change of plans, I made you a Valentine's dinner. Surprise!"
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"[SCREAMS]"
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"- Oh! Hey, Mona! - Hi... Hi, Rachel."
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"What's she doing here?"
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"I have no idea."
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"Seriously, what is she doing?"
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"Uh, you know, lately she just likes hanging out here."
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"- Why? - I think she's lonely."
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"- But it's Valentine's Day. - I know."
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"Can't we ask her to go?"
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"Well, no, she's way too emotional."
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"And by emotional, I mean crazy!"
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"I'm not here! That's just my Chinese food."
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"Oh, my God, she has food delivered here?"
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"Mm-hm, yes, she's emotional, but ballsy."
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"And you thought she was gonna be in our way!"
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"Okay, why don't you, uh, open the champagne, and I will be right back."
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"- I've got a surprise for you. - You got another ex-wife back there?"
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"Ho, oh! Heh. Please start drinking."
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"- I'm just gonna grab the phone. - Oh, Rachel, wait. Hey, um..."
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"I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but, um..."
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"- What are you doing? - Sorry, do you need the phone?"
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"Listen, Ross is too nice to say anything, but this is his apartment."
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"And we gotta have some boundaries."
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"So why don't you go to your place and give us some privacy?"
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"But, Mona, I live here."
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"Or, something to remember me by."
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"That's better. Ninety seconds is a long time not to think about it."
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"Except all I did was think about it."
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"I know. It haunts me."
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"Up until now, the worst thing I ever saw..."
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"...was my father doing tequila shots off the naked houseboy."
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"After this, I would gladly make that my screen saver."
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"We have to get past this."
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"- I could do that. - Okay."
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"Okay, now all we gotta do is get rid of this chair."
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"Come here."
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"[KNOCKING ON DOOR]"
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