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Clips from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005) - The D.E.N.N.I.S. System (S05E05)

"I was just calling to let you know that I hope you die!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"You are obviously a terrible person with no regard for anyone but yourself!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"I never, ever want to see you again, you steaming pile of horseshit!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"What? She hates your guts."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"for getting any chick's undying love and devotion for life."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"There is a careful, systemic approach..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- A playboy? Is that how you see yourself? - Yes."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"I demonstrated my value to her by filling a prescription."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"I would've gone in and bought a box of magnum condoms,"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"thus demonstrating that I have a monster dong."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"That's where I come in. Oh, you're a part of this?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"and watch the DVD in my room."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Sex with women!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
""Nurturing Dependence.""
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"and tell her you'll take care of him."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Hit up a pay phone so that she can't trace the calls back to you."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Give her a call and say something along the lines of..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Don't interrupt. Okay?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Which brings me to the second "N," "Neglect Emotionally.""
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"You stop taking her phone calls."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"She'll start questioning her self-worth,"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"And that's the perfect time to "I"..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Caylee, listen. Listen. Wait."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"And this is the best bang of all because it's very emotional for her."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
""Separate Entirely.""
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"That, my friends, is the key to winning any girl's heart."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"What? That dude wouldn't date you after what you put him through!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Maybe he'd D.E.N.N.I.S. you, but he wouldn't date you. He's not D.E.N.N.I.S.-ing me!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"So, wait. Your guy has been waiting out here the whole time in the hot sun?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"I'm assuming that he has engaged you physically?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Of course we've engaged over and over physically."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"It's all my fault."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Nana took a turn for the worse,"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Then I swoop in, give them shoulder to cry on, and then we hump."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Why do you think I'm always reading books and shit when we do the spider routine?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- I'm here for the scraps. - I haven't had a chance to get in there yet, okay? So just..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"That's right. I come in after Mac. But he's taking forever this time."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"What- I- I set up a picnic. Do you not like picnics?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"And I'll also take this. Thank you. Here. Do you want a glass?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"I don't need bus fare! I'm not sure the bus comes out here anyway."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- I'll walk then, okay? - Wh- In your heels? They're very nice."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"I'm fine!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Shut up!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Have you been breaking into my apartment and shoving hair in my sink?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"I would like you to focus on the amount of value that I am demonstrating to you..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"What is that? It's modern, right?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"And I come across looking like a total jerk. Yeah, of course."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"These are totally the type of things you were talking about- slashing a girl's tires,"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Maybe it's just over my head, this system. Maybe I should just stick to stalking."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Jesus Christ on the cross, you look like shit."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Yeah! That's 'cause I spent the night in the woods trying to demonstrate my independence!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Let me just work something out here and then... we'll..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Just shut up and let him work."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"You're gonna take the prize and award it to the bustiest woman you can find. Okay?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Your indifference to the waitress will only make you more attractive to her."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Now, Dee, because of your ridiculous missteps, you actually have no value."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Mm-hmm. So your only hope is to lower Ben's value."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Oh, gosh, yeah, I don't know if I want to deal with a carney."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"No one likes dealing with carneys, and that's why Frank will pose as one."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Now, Mac, you're the final piece in this puzzle."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"There I shall be waiting to win back her heart."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"What's happening is, we're at the fair, Gladys,"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"My grandmother had an affair with Susan B. Anthony."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"I-I don't give a shit. I'm paying you not to talk."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"It's just to see "how fast can you throw." Oh!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"When I was little, all the kids would beat me up and call me Bookworm."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- Right this way, Nana. - Kids are so brutal."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"What? No, Dennis, this does not change..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Dennis, I've been looking all over for you. Where you been?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Yes, AIDS. Big time! What the hell you talking about?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Dennis, what- You got the AIDS big time!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"What are you doing, dude? Did you see her face? Look at her."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"She thinks she's got the H. I.V. Then I slip in."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"It's 'cause I'm getting tired. My arm's blown out."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Oh! Hey, wait, wait. Hey, guy. Do you work here?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Hey."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"So, I wonder if there's a kissing booth anywhere close."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Ow! Ow!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"That guy paid me to."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"You weren't supposed to stab her, man! You were supposed to stab her!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Wrong! Wrong!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"thereby making her totally dependent on you! Ohh!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"that these idiots are ruining right now!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"What? What are you doing? I'm leaving."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"You know what? You go! You get outta here!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Way to go, jerks! Good job! Yeah? Way to go to you."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"So, how many restraining orders does the waitress have on you?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"A lot, dude. She's been irritated with me."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"You're gonna get me fired from the coffee shop. " This is incredible."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Hi, Dennis, it's Caylee."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Go to hell!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Dee, this chick is so in love with me, she doesn't even know it."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"They don't get it because you haven't explained it to them, bro."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Oh, guys, I have a system, a foolproof system..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"What the hell are you talking about, dude?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"I'm talking about the D.E.N.N.I.S. System."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Ladies and gentlemen, the D.E.N.N.I.S. System..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"is a comprehensive approach to seduction that I have perfected over the years."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"See, my success with women does not solely stem from my good looks and my charm."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"that has allowed me to become the playboy that I am today."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"He has banged a lot of chicks. Just shut up, Dee. Shut up."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Now, the first step to any erotic conquest is to "D"- demonstrate your value."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Thus demonstrating my value as a loving grandson and an all-around great guy."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Now, if you want to have a magnum condom peeking out of your wallet when you go to pay,"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- Oh, yeah. - Now let's move on."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Once you've demonstrated your value, you are going to want to ask her out."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Once you've asked her out, you move on to "E.""
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"I personally try to engage the girl physically without ever going on the date,"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"which to me is really just a waste of time and money."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"I'll tell her I know this great little restaurant that doesn't take reservations."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"as, of course, it always is on Sundays."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"So I'll feign surprise and say something along the lines of,"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Oh, yeah. Mac has a very special place in my system."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Dennis fires back that he wants some privacy so that they can get to know each other better."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"I engage her physically and the sexual waltz begins."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Pizza's good. You're the one that's good."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Smooth! Very- Very smooth stuff. Very classy."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"I'm learning a lot from you right now, dude."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Okay. Now, once you've had sex with a woman, she will naturally start to depend on you. Okay?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
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