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Clips from Gilmore Girls - Kill Me Now (S01E01)

"So, Lorelai, how are things at that charming little inn of yours?"
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"They're still charming and little."
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"We're crossing our fingers it doesn't assert itself and become rude and large."
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"Mom's having a huge wedding there this week."
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"- Really? - Yeah."
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"There's people coming from all over the country."
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"- Isn't that nice? - Yeah."
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"- Rory, how's Chilton? - Okay, done with me now."
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"I'm sorry, was there more to the story?"
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"- Rory has to pick a team sport to play. - It's a requirement."
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""Physical fitness is as important as intellectual fitness.""
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"- So says Plato, and so say I. - What sport are you going to pick?"
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"I told her she should go out for the debating team."
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"- That's not a sport. - It is, the way the Gilmores play."
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"Basketball, lacrosse, swimming, track, golf."
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"- Golf? - Yeah."
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"Your grandfather is a golf player."
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"He plays every week at the club. He could teach you to play like a pro."
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"It's not something you can teach in an afternoon."
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"That's okay. Rory can pick something else."
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"Why should she?"
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"She needs to learn a sport, and Richard can teach her a sport."
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"You can use your mother's old golf clubs."
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"They're gathering dust along with the rest of her potential."
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"Okay. Mom, could I maybe talk to you for a minute?"
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"- We're having dessert. - I know, but I'd like to talk to you fast..."
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"before the sugar sets in and makes me crazy."
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"- You are the oddest person. - Too easy."
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"Keep moving."
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"This is as far as I can go, unless I bore my way through the wall."
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"- Don't do this, Mom. - Do what?"
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"You're manipulating the situation, giving no one a way out."
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"That's force. Look it up."
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"I'm trying to help your daughter get an education."
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"- Thanks, she'll find another sport. - Why should she?"
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"She doesn't wanna go, and Dad doesn't wanna take her."
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"He doesn't know what he wants. He'd cut his hair at the butcher's, if I let him."
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"Just let it go, please."
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"Well, isn't this interesting?"
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"- You're afraid. - Of what?"
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"- That's crazy. - I agree."
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"- She won't enjoy it, Mom. - Why don't we just let Rory decide?"
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"Because she's the sweetest kid in the whole world."
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"She won't say she doesn't wanna go to avoid hurting your feelings."
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"I'm sure you could give her some coaching to get her over that."
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"I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. Believe it or not, this is not about you."
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"If Rory goes and has a good time without you, then I win."
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"Okay, Bob Barker. Rory knocks herself out all week at Chilton."
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"The weekends are the only time she has to unwind and have fun."
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"- With you. - I'm there."
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"So let me get this straight."
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"There's no way that Rory could possibly enjoy..."
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"a weekend day with her grandfather."
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"You know your daughter so well that you don't even have to ask her opinion."
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"She'd be miserable, and you'd know it."
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"I'm so setting myself up here. But, yes, she would be miserable."
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"- That sounds a little controlling to me. - I walked right into that."
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"Interesting, isn't it, you being the one who's controlling?"
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"- I am not being... - According to you..."
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"I never said that!"
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"I guess you and I are more alike than you thought, aren't we?"
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"You win."
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"Thank you."
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"- Did you get blind-sided? I'm so sorry. - That's okay."
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"- I tried to stop it, I swear. - I know."
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"- Maybe it won't be that bad. - Maybe it won't."
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"- Maybe I'll like it. - Maybe you will."
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"- Maybe you could come with me. - Is there a You're Crazy team?"
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"- 'Cause they'd make you captain. - Please."
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"I love you. I would take a bullet for you."
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"But I'd rather stick a sharp thing in my ear than go to the club."
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"I'd rather slide down a banister of razorblades..."
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"- I got it. - Don't stop me, I'm on a roll."
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"I'd rather eat my own hand than go to the club with you."
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"I'd rather surgically alter my face to look like the mad rich lady with the lion head..."
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"than go to the club with you."
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"Would you like me to drive so you can continue your diatribe?"
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"Would you? Thanks. I'd rather cut off my head and use it as a punch bowl..."
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"than go to the club with you."
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"You'll walk down here, over the bridge..."
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"with the swans floating by and the music playing."
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"What are they doing with those purple flowers?"
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"Just decorating the bridge."
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"I didn't want purple flowers. I wanted pink."
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"And I wanted blue."
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"So I thought violet would be a nice compromise."
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"- But we paid for pink flowers. - And the blue flowers."
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"You did not pay for anything. I told her to decorate with violet flowers."
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"It's nice of her to try to take the heat for me, but it's unnecessary."
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"If you don't like it, buy your own flowers."
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"Yes. I thought so."
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"- Their father spoiled them. - They're just excited."
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"They're spoiled."
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"And they won't move away."
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"- Now, disaster list. What if it rains? - We'll put up tents."
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"- What if it's too windy? - We'll secure everything..."
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"and put extra hairspray in everybody's hair."
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"Too hot?"
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"Umbrellas and fans that won't cause any damage..."
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"because of the things that have been secured and hair that's been sprayed."
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"- So I have nothing to worry about? - No."
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"- There must be something. - Listen, I have everything under control."
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"Go to your room and have a fabulous bubble bath."
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"I'll send up some wine..."
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"This is my favorite place in the whole world."
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"Could you send Maury up to Room 12 in about 20 minutes? Thanks."
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"- So, any problems? - With the wedding or my life?"
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"One guess. And I'll give you a hint: It's not your life."
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"Guests are checked in, baskets are given out..."
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"and 200,000 tons of Jordan almonds have been delivered."
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"- Okay, good. Did Rory call? - No."
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"She's golfing all day with my father, and I'm half-expecting..."
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"this big, "Save me!" call to come in. You don't care at all, do you?"
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"To me you are the teacher in the Charlie Brown cartoon."
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"Forget it. Have the grooms arrived?"
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"Their plane was due at 7:30. They should be here."
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"- Oh, dear. - What?"
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"- Are those... - No, it would be too..."
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"Schmoopies!"
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"...weird."
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