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Clips from The Muppet Show (1976) - Mummenschanz (S01E01)

"is a group of performers who..."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"well, they're kind of distant cousins to the Muppets."
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"They use a unique mixture of pantomime and masks"
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"that's about as difficult to describe as to pronounce."
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"Ladies and gentlemen, the Mummenschanz."
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"(♪ "The Muppet Show" theme)"
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"Fantastic. Incredible. They remind me of puppets."
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"Puppets. I've always hated puppets."
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"You're a traitor to your class."
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"What class? I never even graduated."
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"♪ She kissed me"
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"♪ She put her arms around me and she kissed me ♪"
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"It was a case of mistaken identity."
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"Hug me, Miss Piggy. Hold me!"
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"I will not hug you, you twit turkey!"
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"Hold my hand, pig of my dreams."
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"Just touch me, oh hog of my heart!"
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"Here's a touch for you, wimp buzzard."
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"I'm ready!"
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"Hiyah!"
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"♪ She swung her porky pinkies and she touched me ♪"
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"Ohh!"
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"(tapping)"
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"(coughs)"
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"(rustles)"
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"(chewing gum)"
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"(tapping)"
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"Ah-choo!"
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"(Fozzie tapping faster)"
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"(chews)"
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"(tap tap)"
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"(cough cough)"
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"(chews)"
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"(cough cough) (tapping)"
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"(♪ "Blue Danube Waltz" by Johann Strauss Jr)"
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"(all) Shh!"
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"The Mummenschanz do some very strange-looking things,"
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"things that look like this."
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"And then there's something that goes like this."
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"And how about this one?"
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"(♪ tea dance music)"
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"(sighs) How long we been goin' together, anyway?"
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"Oh, about ten years. Well, it's time we got married."
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"Oh, gee, it's so sudden."
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"There is such riffraff here."
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"Wouldn't you rather be associated with a better class of people?"
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"Yeah, but you were the only one not dancing."
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"(laughing)"
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"Animal, my watch won't run."
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"Ah. Here. I run it for you."
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"Aah! Aah! Ooh! Ow! Ow! Ow!"
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"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!"
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"Hey, you are one cute tomato, my little dumpling,"
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"my little cupcake, my little lamb chop."
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"Oh, that makes me feel so... so..."
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"Amorous? Let's kiss. No, hungry. Let's eat."
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"Yeah, you know, these jokes they give us each week,"
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"you know, they make me so mad I could blow my top."
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"(echoes) Ahh. I feel better now."
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"(♪ "When I'm Not Near the Fish I Love")"
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"♪ Oh, my heart is beating wildly"
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"♪ And it's because you're here"
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"♪ When I'm not near the fish I love"
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"♪ I love the fish I'm near"
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"♪ Every fin that flutters by me"
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"♪ Is a flame that must be fanned"
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"♪ When I can't fondle the fin that I'm fond of"
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"♪ I fondle the fin at hand"
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"♪ I love every flipper"
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"♪ Of each little kipper"
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"♪ For each one is hipper, my dear"
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"♪ When I'm not near the fish I love"
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"Hello there."
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"Hey. Boopa doopa do."
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"♪ I'm faithful to whoever's here"
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"♪ When I'm not near the fish I love"
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"♪ I love the fish I'm near"
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"Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-choo!"
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"(blows)"
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"Well, this is the part of the show"
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"but in this case, the Mummenschanz don't talk, do you?"
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"Yeah? Oh, well, in that case, say something."
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"I mean, say anything. It doesn't have to be important."
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"You can say something silly."
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"Ask for silly, you get silly."
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"Does anybody have anything important to say?"
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"Yeah?"
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"And with that thought,"
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"we bid goodbye to the talk spot for another week."
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"Bravo! Bravo! What are you "bravo-ing" about?"
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"That performance - it was first rate."
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"Yes, it was good,"
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"but only one act I've ever seen deserved a "Bravo.""
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"Really? Who was that?"
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"Lady Beth Macintosh and her singing parakeets."
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"I'll never forget her closing night at the Palace."
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"What happened?"
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"Well, she fell into a box of birdseed"
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"just before going onstage,"
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"and she was pecked to death by the parakeets."
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"Yeah, well, I was there and I cried."
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"Really? What did you cry? Bravo! Bravo!"
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"Here she comes. Get down. Get down."
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"Hiya, Piggy my dear."
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"I was just wondering if you'd like to go to dinner after the show."
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"What?"
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"Yeah, you know, a quiet candlelit meal"
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"with soft music, perhaps some wine... Ohh. Ohh."
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"...and then go dancing and walk by the river in the moonlight."
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"Ohh! I would love those things, my dear."
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"Good. So would Gonzo here,"
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"and I hope the two of you have a great evening."
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"It is my distinct pleasure at this time"
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"to present Wayne and Wanda,"
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"of whom noted composer and conductor Leonard Bernstein wrote -"
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""These two are a manifestation of the musical mediocrity"
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"that passes for talent in our troubled times.""
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"Hmm. Nice review. I like that."
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"(mumbles)"
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"Hello. I am Vendaface."
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