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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - The Pickle Gambit (S09E09)

"Oh, you let it go."
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"You tried to open that pickle jar"
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"just like I did!"
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"You broke his elbow, okay?"
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"Are you happy?"
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"He's just a different kid."
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"His personality has changed."
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"He's filled with angst."
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"It's done, it's in a cast."
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"- Yeah. - Mr. Kenny, some lunch!"
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"- Leave me the fuck alone! - ( clattering )"
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"- Wow. - I'm scared to death of him."
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"He can't make it come out."
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"- He can't go left? - No, he can't go to his left."
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"- Can you go to your left? - Eh, nobody can."
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"It's funny, though, there's other things I can do lefty."
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"I can eat lefty, I can brush my teeth lefty."
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"There's a big difference."
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"You need rotation, you need tempo,"
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"you need feel."
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"I don't know what's gonna happen"
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"He doesn't care about Stanford."
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"He doesn't care about anything."
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"Hey!"
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"I met this woman in the-- in the hotel,"
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"and I think-- I think she could help him."
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"What does she do?"
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"She's a-- she's a prostitute."
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"Okay, here's the deal."
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"You're gonna go in there, you're gonna go to the right,"
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"- near the front desk. - Mm-hmm."
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"It's gonna create a diversion, everybody's gonna come over and try and help,"
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"I like that, man. Hey, it's cool."
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"- Okay? - What do you mean it's irrelevant?"
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"He played first base for the 1919 White Sox,"
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"the team that threw the World Series."
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"Would you prefer somebody from the Negro leagues?"
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"- Chappie Johnson. - That's a black man's name right there."
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"That's fucking great. I love it."
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"- All right. - I can do that shit."
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"- Okay, get in there. - I got you."
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"( grunts ) My name is Chappie Johnson"
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"and I can't open this damn pickle jar."
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"Guys, I saw from over there."
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"Let me just get a run at it, all right?"
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"I'm small, but you'd be surprised."
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"( grunting )"
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"( voices overlapping )"
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"Just try it again."
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"- I didn't-- - I got it, I got it."
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"I didn't get a good run at it."
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"Larry, it's me."
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"( gasps ) Oh, my God!"
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"I-- I'm stunned!"
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"- Look at you. Look at you! - Oh, really?"
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"- Ugh! - You think so?"
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"- It worked. - It worked."
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"It worked. My life has been changed."
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"Business-- never been better."
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"The men-- gentle, respectful."
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"I did a hooker mitzvah! It's a hooker mitzvah!"
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"I don't know what I can do to properly show my thanks."
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"The mere fact that you're happier having sex"
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"with a multitude of strangers,"
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"You know what? This is unbelievable that I actually ran--"
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"I came here specifically looking for you."
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"- Oh, you did? - Yes, I did."
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"- Yes. - Okay, well, fine."
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"It's for-- it's for my friend's nephew."
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"- His name is Kenny Funkhouser. - Of course!"
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"- No problem. - Fanta--"
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"- I feel great, I feel great. - Hey, do you want a drink?"
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"let's raid the minibar like normal people."
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"( both chuckling )"
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"- I'll be right back. - Okay."
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"( both chuckling, chattering )"
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"( Ted and Cheryl chuckling )"
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"- Man: Get a plier. - Leon: She can't open it."
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"( Claudia grunts )"
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"- Mr. Dancer! - ( grunts )"
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"- Larry: Huh? - Wow."
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"- Yeah! - Wow, are you serious?"
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"Are you for-- Claudia, get security."
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"- Okay? - ( stammering ) No, I gotta get--"
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"I'm not touching cookies, I'm not talking tongs!"
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"I don't care! I warned you if you came back here, this would happen."
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"- That is it, sir. You are out of here. - Unhand me, you brute!"
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"What the...?"
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"Unbelievable!"
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"- Yes... - No."
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"( chatter continues )"
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"( car horn honking )"
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"Oh, well, don't worry. I'll take care of everything."
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"- You just lay back and relax. - Okay."
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"- ( chuckles ) - I like your dress."
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"Aw, thanks! I got it at Saks Fifth Avenue."
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"- Oh, that-- that's a nice store. - Mm-hmm."
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"You know, Mary, she's with this guy,"
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"he's bald with glasses-- he looks just like me!"
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"She said I wasn't her type."
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"Unbelievable. And now Ted--"
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"- What about that? - Well, you haven't been married to her in a long time."
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"There's nothing wrong with that!"
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"You wanna go out with Cheryl, you do it behind my back."
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"- You'd never know. - That's the way to do it."
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"Yeah. I called Cheryl."
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"- I called her twice. - For what?"
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"Just to talk to her and see how she was doing,"
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"- We had a cup of coffee. - You're kidding."
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"- Two movies. - What?"
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"A walk in the park."
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"Yeah, well, it's not a big deal."
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"I went behind your back!"
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"It's the only way to go!"
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"- Yeah, that's true. - ( Paula giggling )"
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"Tough to listen to, though."
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"- ( Kenny moans ) - Oh, my God."
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"I'll see you later."
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"I'm not staying here by myself."
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"( door opens )"
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