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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - The Pickle Gambit (S09E09)

"Sure, maybe I can make a little more effort to seek them out,"
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"but they're not really coming up to me either!"
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"Yes."
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"- Mm, I know people. - Imams, mufti?"
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"- "Moofti." - "Moofti"?"
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"- "Moofti." - It's "moofti." Huh."
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"Anyway, so do you know a mufti?"
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"- I know other people. - Who? Who do you know?"
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"I know the consul of Iran."
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"- Is that so? - Yes."
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"Look at you! You are really something!"
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"- Eh. - How do you know the consul?"
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"I have my connections."
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"Are you a-- are you a plotter?"
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"Are you one of the plotters?"
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"- Do you plot? - I've plotted before."
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"- You've plotted? - I've plotted."
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"You're on my side, right?"
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"Fuck me, you godless fuck!"
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"You infidel fucking Jew!"
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"Try and keep it kosher, could you?"
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"- I'm a fatwa fuck. - Yes! Talk dirty to me, Larry."
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"Steve Bannon!"
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"Mike Pence!"
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"- ( moaning ) - Yeah, yeah!"
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"Rougher, Larry! Rougher!"
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"...like you've been sentenced to death!"
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"- ( screaming ) - Is this a fatwa!"
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"- ( door bursts open ) - Fatwa! Fatwa!"
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"- ( screaming ) - Leon: Hey! Hey!"
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"- What? - No fatwa!"
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"You can thank me later for that shit."
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"Yeah, I'm not even gonna bring up"
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"Hello, is this-- is this Mr. Khashayar?"
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"- Yes, this is he. - Yeah, this is, um-- this is Larry David."
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"I'm a friend of Shara Ghorbani."
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"you know, to set up a, uh-- a meeting."
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"It's better if you don't come here under the circumstances..."
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"- Hey, Larry. - Wait, I'm sorry. Could you hold on one second?"
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"Hey, I'm gonna give Swat the guest room. Where the towels at?"
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"They're down the hall in the linen closet."
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"I have two nincompoops in my house, unfortunately."
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"- Anyway, so, um-- - Khashayar: I would suggest a video conference."
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"- Oh. - I can arrange for that if you like."
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"Oh, you wanna set up a video call?"
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"Yeah, the video call would work great."
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"- Yes, excellent. - Yeah."
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"Wait, I'm sorry. Hold on one more sec."
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"What the fuck is wrong with you? Shh, I'm on the phone!"
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"This goddamn towel's hard as fuck, man."
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"Shut the fuck up! I'm on the phone!"
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"I'll be there in a second. Shut up!"
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"These towels too rough, man."
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"- I like a softer towel. - Hey, Swat? Swat?"
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"Shut up!"
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"Yeah, I'm sorry."
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"- Nincompoops? - I'll wait to hear from your office."
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"- ( stammering ) Yes, all right, thank you. - Goodbye, Mr. David."
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"- ( phone beeps ) - What's so important about these fucking towels?"
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"Swat: Look, these towels are a little too rough, man."
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"I like a soft towel, Lar."
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"He wants something more velvety."
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"Velvet, it doesn't even dry you, velvet."
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"It doesn't-- it doesn't get the water off."
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"A harder, coarser towel works a lot better for drying."
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"If I don't use something velvety, I'ma get ashy as hell, Lar."
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"- You want me to go shopping for towels? - It'd be nice."
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"The man's a guest in your house. He's your fucking security."
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"- He's gonna take care of you. - By the way,"
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"you need to familiarize yourself with that."
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"- Persimmons. You eat persimmons? - Antioxidants."
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"No stone fruit?"
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"I'm telling you, they kill me, Larry."
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"Even the "oals" will fuck me up."
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"he's gonna eat the shit, so don't bring no stone fruit in the fucking house."
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"Yeah."
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"I'm sorry to report that I left a pair of pajama bottoms"
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"in my room, which was 1003."
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"- I don't doubt it. - I mean, the best feature about them"
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"is that the flannel's thick, so they obfuscate the penis,"
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"and you don't see any flopping,"
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"as opposed to the pair that I have now,"
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"my-- my second pair."
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"Excuse me."
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"Are you in charge of the-- the cookies?"
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"Um, yeah, I guess so."
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"So you oversee the whole cookie operation?"
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"But that's neither here nor there."
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"Let me just ask you about the display here."
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"- Okay. - Was this whole idea yours--"
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"the display, the tongs, the whole thing?"
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"- Um... - 'Cause I have to tell you,"
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"the tong is not a friend of the cookie"
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"Okay, you must be Mr. Dancer."
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"- Yes! Yes. - Yes."
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"What I believe you should be thinking about"
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"is separating the cookies"
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"so people can use their fingers and not the tongs."
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"No friend of the cookie."
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"- No, sir, please don't. - Just watch how easy this is."
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"I successfully was able to find your pajama bottoms,"
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"and I see that you are not using our tongs again."
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"No, I was just merely demonstrating something..."
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"- I asked him to use the tongs. - I know you did, Claudia."
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"and you are no longer a guest here, actually, so I'm just now asking you"
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"What?"
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"Oh, my God!"
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"The tongs dropped on the floor,"
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"- I wiped them. - She wiped them."
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"That's like eating off the floor!"
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"It is the same thing! You might as well put the floor on the table!"
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"- Okay, you know what? - This is a disgrace!"
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"Okay, you know what is a disgrace,"
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"And here is what I'm gonna say to you right now--"
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"Like I would wanna return to a hotel that's serving Pepperidge Farm cookies"
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"and look what's happened here!"
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"Look what's happened to my jewel,"
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"He's up there now in a cast!"
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"Why did you have to fight him for the pickle?"
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"I didn't fight him; I let it go!"
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