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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm - Mel's Offer (S04E04)

"I know what you're gonna say."
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"Nathan Lane, Jason Alexander and Larry David?"
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"- Come on, Mel. - Trust me."
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"When I know, I know. And this time, I know."
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"You know, I'm gonna take a painkiller, I think."
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"- I don't know. Pop it in. - Maybe you should wait."
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"- Did you get it? - Yeah, I got it."
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"Ben Stiller?"
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"- I know, it sounds like a joke. - Really?"
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"- That is... - Crazy!"
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"- Well, yeah, we... - Can I ask you something. You act?"
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"No, it's true, but I'm still thinking about it."
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"- I haven't made up my mind. - You should think about it."
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"Honey, actually I see Brian and Lee. We should go say hi."
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"- It's fine if you want out of it. - No."
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"it's a one time only."
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"Okay, one time only."
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"My opening night is the same night as our anniversary."
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"# When you got it, flaunt it #"
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"#... Stick your chest out, shake your tush #"
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"# When you go in... #"
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"What? Because of what?"
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"- Eh? - What?"
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"What, what fish? He didn't even mention the fish."
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"- There was no fish. - Was fish the second thing?"
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"- Okay, and I'll have the second thing. - Grazie."
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"I've no idea what we just ordered."
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"So guess what's coming up"
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"I'm sure it's been on your mind. Our anniversary."
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"- 10 years. - 10-year anniversary."
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"I would like... and just keep an open mind."
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"- So remember our... - Is it ever closed?"
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"- Hmm-mm. - Has it ever been closed to anything?"
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"Um..."
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"I would like for us to renew our vows"
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"and have a real wedding ceremony."
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"You got it."
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"- Nothing big, small. - Okay, no no, yeah."
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"Oh my gosh, I can't believe you just said yes to that."
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"I'll tell you what, you just built it all up."
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"I did. I didn't know how I was gonna bring it up, but thank you."
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"Now let's talk about my 10th anniversary present."
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"All right. What would you like?"
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"I believe my present has already been agreed upon."
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"- Really? - Yes."
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"- It's not ringing a bell? - What are you talking about?"
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"- We already talked about it? - Here, at this restaurant."
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"- Really? - 10 years ago, before we got married."
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"We're just making it legal. It's just gonna be, you know, permanent"
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"My friends think I'm crazy, but I do. I just..."
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"Wait a minute. They think you're crazy? How dare they?"
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"I don't want to name names, but look it's working, right?"
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"Who, Julie? She thinks... she thinks you're crazy?"
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"Davids want to be out of being Davids."
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"I don't want to be a David, I have to be a David."
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"Is it... are you worried about not being able to have sex"
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"with someone else for the rest of your life? Is that what?"
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"- Where did you get that? No. - Because you know what?"
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"Okay okay."
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"for our 10-year anniversary, you can have sex with someone else?"
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"If that's your hold up here,"
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"- What are you saying that for? - I will."
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"Just sex one time."
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"It's not a big deal."
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"- Right. - Aah."
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"- I can't believe you remember that. - Yes, I did remember."
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"- Yeah. - Yeah, for some things."
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"Then I said you could have sex with somebody"
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"and you should do that. It's our 10th anniversary."
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"- You should do it. - I'm joking. I'm not gonna do it."
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"- I'm not gonna hold you up to it. - No, you should."
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"I said it 10 years ago."
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"You should go out and have sex with someone."
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"- No no, it's nice, but... - No no no no."
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"thank you. That's sweet that you wanted... you know."
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"No, because if you think you can have sex with somebody else,"
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"What does that mean?"
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"You're gonna go up and..."
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""Hey, lady. I'm Larry David"
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"And my wife said I could have sex with somebody tonight.""
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"- First of all, I'm insulted, okay? - You are?"
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"Even if I wanted to, you don't think I'm capable of it."
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"No, I don't think you're capable of it."
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"Just so there's no misunderstanding here,"
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"If you find somebody and say, "hey"..."
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"- I don't want to hear any crying. - No."
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"...and say, "I can't believe you did that."
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"- Why did you do that?" Huh? - No, I would not be crying."
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"Oh boy, all right. Well, thank you."
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"How long do I have to do this?"
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"I just hope Jeff is gonna be at that karaoke party"
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"Because I have got a lot to say to that young man."
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"Listen, maybe we should skip the karaoke party."
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"- Oh, it's horrible. Why don't we just... - Horrible?"
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"Listen, why don't we go home and I'll..."
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"I'll make it worth your while."
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"I kind of wanna go to karaoke."
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"Oh my god."
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"# Just in time #"
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"# Before you came, my time... #"
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"Do you know married men everywhere,"
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"Frank's been in, like, two of his movies."
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"- You didn't know that? - Oh..."
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"They're old friends."
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"#... My bridges all were crossed #"
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"# Nowhere to go... #"
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"This is great! You got permission. Come on, man."
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"She actually challenged me to do it."
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"You've got to, man."
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"Whom I am supposed to do this with?"
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"I don't know, there's got to be somebody you thought about."
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"That doesn't mean I could walk up to them and do anything."
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"But now you've got permission."
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"This is the thing that I'm the worst at in the world, this."
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"This and drawing."
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"It's a big thing to do. How could I do that?"
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"Do you think I could do it?"
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"- Yeah, huh? What about it? - Yeah, go, Daddy-o, go."
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"- Practice. It's a start, go. - Okay, fine. Yeah."
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"You want to see how inept I really am, huh?"
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