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Clips from Haters Back Off! - Netwerking at the Nursing Home (S01E01)

"[Emily] But..."
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"- [Bethany] What? - [chuckles]"
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"- Hey. - I hope you're not in too much pain today."
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"Oh, wow. Perfect."
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"- Thank you. - So listen,"
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"there's a funeral coming up tomorrow at the church,"
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"and I was kind of wondering if you might wanna go with me."
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"You know, like a date."
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"Oh, Keith, I just couldn't."
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"Well, you know, Miranda is giving the eulogy tomorrow,"
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"and I just, I... I don't know, if she ever knew I was on a date with you,"
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"it'd be like that whole thing I went through when I was pregnant with Emily,"
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"We'll see each other there."
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"[clicks tongue] Oh... Really?"
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"Yeah."
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"Just look for the girl with the slinky black sling."
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"[chuckles]"
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"'Cause, otherwise, it would be very inappropriate."
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"Would you mind terribly if I sat near you without appearing... conspicuous?"
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"in a very platonic-looking way, I don't see why not."
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"Hmm, wonderful, friend."
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"- [chuckles] - Right."
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"Excuse me. God bless you."
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"Perfect spot right here."
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"All right."
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"[Bethany laughs softly]"
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"Okay, but it's not about Miranda being great, okay?"
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"It's about Mr. Hamburg. We're supposed to be honoring his life."
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"Are you kidding? I couldn't think of a greater honor."
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"She moves like a meerkat."
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"and I'm about to give you the night of your life. Five, six..."
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"♪ So what ya gonna do With all that junk? ♪"
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"♪ I'mma get-get-get-get you drunk ♪"
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"♪ My humps, my humps, my humps ♪"
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"[sighs]"
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"- [music stops] - What?"
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"You're not gonna get up to the altar and sing that, are you?"
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"Yeah. It was amazing. [scoffs] Were you not watching?"
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"Oh, God. No, no, no. You can't sing that."
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"Okay, I picked a better song for you. See, "Amazing Grace.""
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"And then I also wrote some words for you to say about Mr. Hamburg."
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"You know, respectful words."
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"Words that everyone here will appreciate and find comforting, and not offensive."
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"Okay, well... I'm happy to see you're finally supporting me, Emily."
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"Um, and also, thank you for this. I think it will be very helpful."
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"Okay, good. Great."
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"[pastor] ...the wrongs I have done are not hidden from you."
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"[softly] He thinks you're a black goddess."
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"[whispering] Will you tell him I said thank you and that I'm glad I came?"
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"[inhales deeply] Welcome."
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"Thank you for coming. God, I'm so emotional."
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"Too soon!"
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"Mr. Hamburg died too soon."
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"There was so much more he could have done,"
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"for me."
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"[whispering] Yeah, we debated that word, but I think it's correct."
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"Because that meant that he couldn't help me become a movie star,"
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"and now he's completely useless to me."
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"I know! Lousy luck, right?"
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"[sighs]"
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"Even though it looks like you won't be for much longer."
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"I have decided to perform for you guys, because I'm gonna be the bigger person."
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"I'm gonna sing a song that I prepared. It will blow your minds."
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"and probably all of you guys will be able to help me out"
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"Maybe you can tell a friend or a family member"
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""Oh, what up, Mary? Just saw this really good girl."
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"So, anyways..."
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"I'm gonna sing a song for you guys now."
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"- You'll see how talented I am... - [heart beating]"
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"Come on, everybody. Sing."
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"No, no, no. Don't sing, everybody."
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"That's not part of the show. Don't do that."
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"Emily, stop it."
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"[Emily] Your moment?"
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"Miranda, we are not here for a show, okay?"
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"and then put him in the ground!"
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"What is your brain not comprehending about that?"
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"Okay, that is very rude. We are here for a show."
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"- I think that's quite enough! - Did you not watch this whole thing?"
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"I'll take it from here."
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"[indistinct murmuring]"
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"- [pastor speaking indistinctly] - Emily, inappropriate."
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"Patrick..."
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"[chuckles nervously] You remembered her name."
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"Great."
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"It's the best funeral ever."
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"No, no, no. It was great. You really made an impression, all right?"
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"Uh, I saw tears at this funeral."
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"- Really? - Mmm-hmm."
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"- Serious? - Mmm-hmm."
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"Uh, yeah. I learned a lesson that you're a freakin' jealous hater"
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"who needs to get a life."
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"- Jealousy, Emily, is ugly. - Really ugly."
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"Really, Emily? Delusions?"
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"[scoffs] Magic doesn't happen till phase five."
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"Yeah... It's, uh, illusions."
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"- [softly] It's not the same thing. - Yeah, you're illusional."
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"Hey, guys. It's me, Miranda."
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"Made me realize how much this person needs me. [scoffs]"
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"[inhales deeply] 'Cause sometimes..."
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"no matter how hard you try..."
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"or how much time you put into it..."
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"or how determined you are to make it happen..."
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"you'll never be good enough."
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"I should have done this sooner."
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"Sorry."
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"♪ Oh, Danny boy ♪"
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"♪ The pipes The pipes are calling ♪"
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"♪ From glen to glen ♪"
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"♪ And down the mountain side ♪"
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"♪ And all the flowers dying ♪"
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"♪ Oh, Danny boy Oh, Danny boy ♪"
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"♪ I love you so ♪"
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"I hope that helps."
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"All right, Emily, let me stop you there. You can't be in it."
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"That's too bad. But listen, Miranda,"
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"I'm gonna have to side with Miranda here. She's dead."
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"Anyway, her dementia's been getting worse every time I've gone to see her."
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"Just stop going to the nursing home."
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"What the heck! What a rip off!"
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