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Clips from Community (2009) - Introduction To Finality (S03E03)

I don't know.

"I don't know."

Community (2009)

Are those even real glasses? No.

"Are those even real glasses? No."

Community (2009)

Your timeline's 10% darker now. This was 10%?

"Your timeline's 10% darker now. This was 10%?"

Community (2009)

Do you know what kind of person becomes a psychologist, Britta?

"Do you know what kind of person becomes a psychologist, Britta?"

Community (2009)

A person that wishes, deep down,

"A person that wishes, deep down,"

Community (2009)

that everyone more special than them was sick,

"that everyone more special than them was sick,"

Community (2009)

because "healthy" sounds so much more exciting than "boring."

"because "healthy" sounds so much more exciting than "boring.""

Community (2009)

You're average, Britta Perry.

"You're average, Britta Perry."

Community (2009)

You're every kid on the playground

"You're every kid on the playground"

Community (2009)

You're a business casual potted plant,

"You're a business casual potted plant,"

Community (2009)

a human white sale.

"a human white sale."

Community (2009)

You're VH1, Robocop 2, and Back to the Future 3.

"You're VH1, Robocop 2, and Back to the Future 3."

Community (2009)

You're the center slice of a square cheese pizza.

"You're the center slice of a square cheese pizza."

Community (2009)

I'm the center slice of a square cheese pizza.

"I'm the center slice of a square cheese pizza."

Community (2009)

You're Jim Belushi.

"You're Jim Belushi."

Community (2009)

Ah.

"Ah."

Community (2009)

12%

"12%"

Community (2009)

Where are you going?

"Where are you going?"

Community (2009)

To make this timeline the darkest of all.

"To make this timeline the darkest of all."

Community (2009)

Starting with your lame hero, Jeff Winger.

"Starting with your lame hero, Jeff Winger."

Community (2009)

I don't suppose lame Abed owns a bone saw.

"I don't suppose lame Abed owns a bone saw."

Community (2009)

So, Pierce, you're seeking full ownership

"So, Pierce, you're seeking full ownership"

Community (2009)

of Shirley's Sandwiches.

"of Shirley's Sandwiches."

Community (2009)

Correct.

"Correct."

Community (2009)

You really did? Oh, damn it.

"You really did? Oh, damn it."

Community (2009)

Jeez, I came to this thing unprepared.

"Jeez, I came to this thing unprepared."

Community (2009)

I mean, I-I guess it's my job to somehow tarnish you

"I mean, I-I guess it's my job to somehow tarnish you"

Community (2009)

in the eyes of the court, but, uh...

"in the eyes of the court, but, uh..."

Community (2009)

Let me check my notes. Take your time.

"Let me check my notes. Take your time."

Community (2009)

Thanks.

"Thanks."

Community (2009)

Hey, uh, while I'm doing this...

"Hey, uh, while I'm doing this..."

Community (2009)

Does anybody know any funny jokes?

"Does anybody know any funny jokes?"

Community (2009)

I do.

"I do."

Community (2009)

An Irish and a Jew walk into a Chinese laundry...

"An Irish and a Jew walk into a Chinese laundry..."

Community (2009)

With a gay duck.

"With a gay duck."

Community (2009)

- All right, okay! - Oh, right!

"- All right, okay! - Oh, right!"

Community (2009)

I have no questions, your honor.

"I have no questions, your honor."

Community (2009)

Cruel. Cruel, cruel, cruel.

"Cruel. Cruel, cruel, cruel."

Community (2009)

In the name of the five winds...

"In the name of the five winds..."

Community (2009)

East, West, North,

"East, West, North,"

Community (2009)

the one we keep secret, and South,

"the one we keep secret, and South,"

Community (2009)

I hereby proclaim you...

"I hereby proclaim you..."

Community (2009)

And having a special room for it

"And having a special room for it"

Community (2009)

is a waste of valuable floor space.

"is a waste of valuable floor space."

Community (2009)

You are no longer a student here.

"You are no longer a student here."

Community (2009)

And we use this room for yoga on weekends.

"And we use this room for yoga on weekends."

Community (2009)

Remove him. I am the truest repairman.

"Remove him. I am the truest repairman."

Community (2009)

And this man is a dishonor

"And this man is a dishonor"

Community (2009)

to making air conditioners work good.

"to making air conditioners work good."

Community (2009)

And I have the right to challenge him...

"And I have the right to challenge him..."

Community (2009)

In the sun chamber.

"In the sun chamber."

Community (2009)

Holy crap.

"Holy crap."

Community (2009)

Your less than honor, can I call a recess?

"Your less than honor, can I call a recess?"

Community (2009)

Ooh, yay, costume change.

"Ooh, yay, costume change."

Community (2009)

What are you trying to do, Winger?

"What are you trying to do, Winger?"

Community (2009)

Zealously represent your client?

"Zealously represent your client?"

Community (2009)

Let me make things a little easier for you.

"Let me make things a little easier for you."

Community (2009)

Figure out a way to throw this case,

"Figure out a way to throw this case,"

Community (2009)

or figure out where you're gonna work

"or figure out where you're gonna work"

Community (2009)

when you get out of here, because I don't know

"when you get out of here, because I don't know"

Community (2009)

where it's gonna be if it's not for us.

"where it's gonna be if it's not for us."

Community (2009)

That's right, Jeff. I went there.

"That's right, Jeff. I went there."

Community (2009)

You drove me there. Miss Daisy's in the house,

"You drove me there. Miss Daisy's in the house,"

Community (2009)

thanks for the ride, sorry about slavery.

"thanks for the ride, sorry about slavery."

Community (2009)

Don't oversell your clout, Alan.

"Don't oversell your clout, Alan."

Community (2009)

Ted respects me... Ted's gone.

"Ted respects me... Ted's gone."

Community (2009)

He got too old, couldn't swim with the sharks, and got eaten.

"He got too old, couldn't swim with the sharks, and got eaten."

Community (2009)

That makes no sense. He started the firm.

"That makes no sense. He started the firm."

Community (2009)

You can't lose your own firm. You can if you're dead.

"You can't lose your own firm. You can if you're dead."

Community (2009)

That shark thing was not a metaphor.

"That shark thing was not a metaphor."

Community (2009)

I'm the big dog now.

"I'm the big dog now."

Community (2009)

So you want the last three years

"So you want the last three years"

Community (2009)

in this toilet to have a point?

"in this toilet to have a point?"

Community (2009)

Then I'm the guy you got to make happy.

"Then I'm the guy you got to make happy."

Community (2009)

Or, you know, you could finish up your big win here.

"Or, you know, you could finish up your big win here."

Community (2009)

Court is in session.

"Court is in session."

Community (2009)

Blind Justice presiding... aah! Oh, my God!

"Blind Justice presiding... aah! Oh, my God!"

Community (2009)

Ahh! Oh, one more recess.

"Ahh! Oh, one more recess."

Community (2009)

Well boys and girls...

"Well boys and girls..."

Community (2009)

I hope you brought your popsicles,

"I hope you brought your popsicles,"

Community (2009)

because it's about to get scalding hot

"because it's about to get scalding hot"

Community (2009)

in the sun chamber.

"in the sun chamber."

Community (2009)

You already know the rules...

"You already know the rules..."

Community (2009)

Because there aren't any!

"Because there aren't any!"

Community (2009)

Jeez, Dennis, are you on coke?

"Jeez, Dennis, are you on coke?"

Community (2009)

Take that crap off and sit down.

"Take that crap off and sit down."

Community (2009)

Two men are sealed in the chamber,

"Two men are sealed in the chamber,"

Community (2009)

The heat will increase until one man yields...

"The heat will increase until one man yields..."

Community (2009)

or dies.

"or dies."

Community (2009)

Begin!

"Begin!"

Community (2009)

You're just in time for Jeff's closing statements.

"You're just in time for Jeff's closing statements."

Community (2009)

Who cares? Everything is terrible.

"Who cares? Everything is terrible."

Community (2009)

I'm thinking of dyeing my hair.

"I'm thinking of dyeing my hair."

Community (2009)

I'm going to cut off Jeff Winger's arm.

"I'm going to cut off Jeff Winger's arm."

Community (2009)

I won't let you. That's horrible.

"I won't let you. That's horrible."

Community (2009)

Don't you mean dark? Welcome to my world.

"Don't you mean dark? Welcome to my world."

Community (2009)

Psst! Jeff! Winger!

"Psst! Jeff! Winger!"

Community (2009)

A guy like Alan isn't above making trouble for you

"A guy like Alan isn't above making trouble for you"

Community (2009)

at your old firm. Shirley, I...

"at your old firm. Shirley, I..."

Community (2009)

It's not worth your career.

"It's not worth your career."

Community (2009)

I want you to have what you want.

"I want you to have what you want."

Community (2009)

- Thank you, Shirley. - Settle down.

"- Thank you, Shirley. - Settle down."

Community (2009)

Okay, Jeffrey, let's have your closing statement.

"Okay, Jeffrey, let's have your closing statement."

Community (2009)

Your honor...

"Your honor..."

Community (2009)

I have no closing statement, because I'm throwing the case.

"I have no closing statement, because I'm throwing the case."

Community (2009)

No, no, it's okay.

"No, no, it's okay."

Community (2009)

It's fine, don't worry.

"It's fine, don't worry."

Community (2009)

My client, Shirley Bennett, my friend of three years,

"My client, Shirley Bennett, my friend of three years,"

Community (2009)

she told me that it was okay.

"she told me that it was okay."

Community (2009)

She said what I want was more important.

"She said what I want was more important."

Community (2009)

She's right, right?

"She's right, right?"

Community (2009)

I mean, guys like me,

"I mean, guys like me,"

Community (2009)

we'll tell you there's no right or wrong.

"we'll tell you there's no right or wrong."

Community (2009)

There's no real truth.

"There's no real truth."

Community (2009)

I'll kill you just like I killed him.

"I'll kill you just like I killed him."

Community (2009)

And as long as we all believe that,

"And as long as we all believe that,"

Community (2009)

guys like me can never lose.

"guys like me can never lose."

Community (2009)

Was that out loud?

"Was that out loud?"

Community (2009)

Because the truth is...

"Because the truth is..."

Community (2009)

The truth is... the pathetically, stupidly,

"The truth is... the pathetically, stupidly,"

Community (2009)

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